Adopting - not for the faint of heart *
What do we need to realistically grasp about adoption.
Reactive Attachment Disorder is typical of adopting kids; is adoption a disaster for your family?
Be prepared to look for signs of and living with reactive attachment disorder. Many are not ready for the child to be potentially & long term:
constantly angry,
emotionally detached,
enraged at the drop of a hat,
unresponsive to discipline,
violent and sabotaging to other siblings,
latching onto strangers,
and going into destructive hurricanes of poop on the wall smearing, &
life tormenting hate for decades
Research R.A.D. and make sure you know what you are getting into first before the secular corrupt gubmint makes you pay as much as you would for a new corvette.
What are the options to avoid this?
1. Adopting newborn infants. Like newborns who havent had experiences in neglect.
[Neglect includes not being held and loved on as babies; many orphanages do not hold and love on babies - incl international ones].
2. Adopting babies from women who are considering adopting out or abortion.
* that brings a whole other issue; mom might try to get the kids back after a few years and many courts and states will give the child back to the birth mom. Or require birth mom to be a part of the childs life; which you really dont want because they should be raised and attached to you as their actual parents. Allowing them to connect with their birth mom makes you just the one footing their life expenses and they still cling to their "real" mom. It allows a child to "play sides" to do things to get what they want, or do what they want [ including acting out, bad behavior, legal troubles, stress on you and are bad examples to the other kids at home, etc] It causes major disruptions. Problems if you are raising the child in Christianity but the mom is of a different religion, a false Christian group, in a cult, or atheist. They also might be a raving feminist, pro lgbt+, anti God, racist, ad focus extensively in their ethinicity's pagan "culture". They might run off to their "real mom" when theres discipline issues, rebellious behaviors, or after 18 or after you pay for their college... they'll go be with their "real mom" and leave you behind with nothing but shattered dreams, a destroyed family (your real kids lives ruined too), by then you might possibly be divorced because of all of it, and left with an empty bank account... and tears.
If you have biological kids, protect them from that nightmare as it will greatly affect them too. Adoption isnt a pie in the sky idea that you just add add'l regular kids to your family. Far from it!
What else can we do, if not adopt?
We cannot save everyone. We cannot fix people. We cannot prevent these kids from acting out, doing illegal things, or living a bad life. We live in a fallen sin stained world, and there's not much we can do. If they'll be saved, God will make it happen.
Some ideas:
* Minister to the young children and teens in your church.
*Witness to people in town, some were raised in orphanages but are adults now.
*Love on people in the Church who were orphans and without parents growing up.
*Bless those adult orphans in your church during the holidays (in various ways), on their born again birthday, and be extra kind to them. They have no family or others to lean on in hard times. They have no one to help them find jobs either. Do what you can to help them, but do not get very tangled up with them because theres tons of things under the surface and constantly in their heart and on their minds. You will not really know if they have broke free (moved on and left that all in the past) & are only focused on their Heavenly Father and their Savior. Theres no way to actually know that.
Even as a child from a broken home (my real father was not in my life. I saw him 2x in my late 20's briefly at my other grandma's). I had a step father who didnt care about me (but did punish me for things his kids did) and treated me poorly, [still does] and...a mom who only focused on him, his prior kids, and their daughter. To this day I am still mistreated and not considered part of the family. They doat on and only focus on their daughter. They do all kinds of things together behind my back, [just as they did when they dumped me at my Christian grandparents home every weekend (fm 4 yrs old thru my teen years)]. I am almost 50 now, those scars remain and nothing has changed [even though they claim to be Christians; and no one they know (outside the family) would know about any of this]. His wicked boys were kicked out at age 10 and recently tried to wiggle back into their lives via their sister 🙄 [she would rather have them horrible 1/2 brothers than a good Christian 1/2 sister like me 🙃]. My "parents" were duped into a couple video calls with 1 of them [by my sister, who apparently has friended them on facebook for several years and I just found out] and I just found out they all just returned from one of the son's daughters wedding [he has 14 kids].
No one would know all I go through with them, and all the heart ache I have over not having lived with nor had a life with my real parents, and not being treated like a valid child in this mixed family. Nor would anyone know all the crying I still do over all that they still keep doing to me (neglect, mistreatment, & always putting their lousy daughter first).
So, I could imagine the hurt, anger, bitterness, acting out, and heartbreak a orphaned child/teen would have over being "thrown away" and not cared about, since it is similar to how I have lived even while "in their midst" even without my real father [who abandoned me before I was even born] in the picture. But thank God for my Heavenly Father and godly grandparents. [But Orphaned kids dont even have that, they have no real family]. Even if by a miracle they get saved, they'll still have these struggles and wrestle with things until they become a very mature believer; which could take them 40 years. If they defy the odds and end up with solid biblical Christians who truly love them "as a child of theirs" there's potential for the possibility for them to let go of the past. But that would be very rare in my opinion, since most are broken kids and teens who will never understand or grasp the concept of love, and will never open up to embrace them in a normal way that normal kids do.
Think very long and hard before adopting a kid or teen who has been orphaned, and do very deep research on all the struggles and problems a family (and their kids) have had to live through and endure by adopting such children. You need to be very rational about this.
If you must have a child: It is best to adopt newborns, and have a lawyer involved: so the parents legally turn over any and all parental rights and sign away their legal rights to try to take the kid back at any point later in life. And to have no contact with the child. Otherwise in a few years the parent will serve you papers and the courts will give the child back to its birth mother.
I know people who adopted babies and young ones & MOVED out of State, then changed the kids names after they moved. And they moved to avoid the mom trying to get the kids back thru the courts a few yrs later.
Many birth moms just want someone to warch their kid until a certian age and them get their kids back legally through the court system.
Avoid that. And be ready to move States as soon as theyre adopted.
And i do advise against adopting an adult (at any age) who has aged out of an orphanage. They can be considered a child, and be given things legally without adopting. There is no rational sane reason at all for adopting an adult orphan. There are likely wonky issues with an adult who wants to or is willing to or there's wonky issues with the orphan. Red flags go up from either or both situations.
A recent horror story I heard about an adult adoption:
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