CounselingChristians

Q: I’m 21 and my dad treats me like I’m 12 still. I live at home and I’m not allowed to do some of the things that I want to. If I go to a party my dad always picks me up early cos he wants to go to bed. He still makes me sit in the back of the car which my friends laugh at. I pray God can help. Pray for me.  A: Are you complaining about his loving care? God doesnt want us to complain, as it is sin. And though disrespecting your dad and you by ungodly teasing, who cares about those friends. Tbvh most childhood, high school and even college friends fade away from your life. In 2 to 3 years you'll be elsewhere making other friends at church.  He is trying to guide you to live mature and responsible, also to keep you safe. And if it was my home, as a Christian parent I wouldn't let you participate in pagan parties. That's not the lifestyle of Christian holy behavior. Finding godly friends is important. Bad company corrupts good morals, and this nation is full of pagans. I als...

Q: My almost 20 year daughter was diagnosed with depression/anxiety/ OCD/ADHD at a young age. We had her medicated until she was 10 and finally took her off meds because she wasn't doing well.  She has been med-free for almost ten years. During those ten years, she has struggled. We have tried therapy and all sorts of other avenues.  She lives at home, has a job, owns her car, and pays all of her own bills. Yet she is in danger of losing her job at at daycare because of her 'attitude' and not appearing 'happy' enough around the kids. She is really good at what she does, but the daycare owner said if she has to talk to her one more time, then she is in danger of losing her job. They want her to smile all of the time.  My daughter is really struggling right now with two things: she does not feel like her life is where it should be (she wants to be married and is not even dating anybody) and her depression. Her whole life she has wanted to be a wife and mother. Her ...

Trouble making friends at 2 churches, have kids, but somethings not right, and I am lonely.  A: I am married and in a good relationship, but I feel incredibly lonely. We are Asian and attend the city's only Asian but small church. My husband serves as a Bible study leader and considers it his home church. However, I often feel that the moms there intentionally exclude me or avoid conversation (hardly invite our kids to event) . Honestly, I sometimes wonder if I’ve done something wrong or if I come across as unapproachable. I’m not sure what I can do. I know this environment isn’t good for my mental well-being. I started attending large American church, but due to cultural differences, I haven’t been able to form any friendships. So, essentially, our family now attends two separate churches. I know it’s unusual, but do you have any suggestions on how I can find a sense of belonging? Q: So Ill give some thoughts in two parts or two ways to consider on this. And some suggested things ...

Q: How can I become a truly happy person? I’m so negative and just aggravated 24/7 and literally don’t know why. Sometimes i can’t make my self stop an think about how I’m acting. It’s going to cost me my marriage. I am also pregnant and stopped taking anxiety medication.  A: Many times people rush to point out the physical and mental to help you, but the Spiritual is where most of our battles are, sin is always the stinky culprit in whole or in part. We need to wear the Armour of God, and actively grow in our faith. Women also have to conquer emotional issues as a self control area to master.  Do a spiritual examination. Are you actively purposely growing in the Fruit of the Spirit ?  Are you rightly understanding sin, and growing sensitive to it in all forms? Are you killing sins in your life, and more and more killing your flesh so you can be submissive in love, and not push and die on hills that aren't important? Are you working in areas like conquering di...

Q: How to get over a toxic friend who deeply hurt me with what she said? We were wonderful, supportive friends for many years, but one day she said that my husband and I were not true Christians because we let our child listen to certain music. But at the same time it was ok for her adult children to gamble in a casino. Our teen boys are still great friends and see each other at events, church events, youth group. I always avoid running into her now. And yes, I have mentioned in a letter to her how I feel and that she hurt me. I just cant get over the friendship and I know it will never be the same as it used to be. How do I let her go? A: Watch this  Healing our Hurts  and know, maybe all is not lost.  The issue is Christian liberty. But also there's need for forgiveness and reconciliation. Neither of you can participate in the Lord's Supper with the church until it is resolved.  Heres some helps: We are united in Essentials. Thus as long as you both believe in the ...

Q: I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. I am so confused. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months. He is a Godly man, loves me so well, and respects my boundaries 100%. Since we started dating, he has cut out vaping and drinking, and we have abstained from anything sexual beyond a quick kiss. We go to church together every week and teach Sunday school together. I’m confused because I have extreme anxiety that he isn’t the one. Like it’s debilitating to where I wake up and go to sleep obsessing over it. I don’t miss him when we are apart, but I don’t know if it is due to our relationship or due to my insanely busy schedule where I am constantly running on empty and just want to be home.  He did pray that God remove me from his life if I wasn’t the one, and I have prayed that too. Is this a sign that we just aren’t meant for each other? I am so so sad that we broke up and so is he. It’s like we don’t want it to end but feel like it could be the right choice. But we are both so un...

Q: My bf and I have had abortions. I am worried...  Can I be forgiven?  It really concerns me. 🙁🥺 A: There's a few areas to address here. It's all said in love and with intention to help you. ❤️ Regarding Abortion: You choose to kill unborn babies with selfish motivation instead of going the adoptive route. There's troubling matters here to work through, and will answer your most pressing question too. I would say it isn't an issue of if God would forgive you if your professing to be saved, but are you actually saved. Paul the murderer was saved and then stopped sinning such grievous sins. Believers mess up but it seems murder wouldn't be godly behavior. Contemplate this matter a bit, Scripture says: Romans 1:29 - "They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips." Revelation 21:8 - "But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detesta...

Q: I am a widow with an empty nest. For the first time in my life I am all alone.I’ve never been so lonely in my life. My older sister said she was going to come live with me but there are so many obstacles in the way. Please pray for God to open the way for her to be able to make the move. I really don’t want to be lonely anymore. Since my husband died I’ve been feeling a lot of fear. My husband passed away in November . Fear of leaving my home, especially by myself. I’ve developed agoraphobia really bad, it has affected every aspect of my life. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Please keep me in prayer 🙏 A:  Hope you also find community and friends at your local church.  I know a pastor who had that for 3 years, and overcame it. Even wrote a book on it. Are you having any biblical counseling for this? Some can come to your home or do by zoom. Highly recommend.  Anxiety, worry, depression and fear helps here will be good to go through. It will encourage...

Q: I did something wrong. I took $1200 our$ and lost it doing crypto. ln sin and sneakily I'm trying to earn the money back "before it’s noticed". I know I’m way over my head and in the wrong for doing it. I know I should go ahead and confess to my husband. He told me "no on the crypto" but I went ahead and did it anyways. I’ve been asking God for forgiveness. I’m scared to tell my husband this because I want to be trusted with money and I disrespected his leadership. I feel so bad and I’m unable to sleep. We are trying to get into a better financial situation and I ruined that for us. A: Before the advice, I'll give a warning by story. It's never a win it and is a slippery slope into idolatry/love of money. Trust God. People do things in sin that they want to and think it will go their way and never be caught. Doing wrong things will never recieve God's blessing. My aunt worked at a phone company since 18, worked loads of jobs and worked hervway up...

Q: I have been married to my husband for nearly 3 years. We have a 2 yo and I have basically felt unheard, unseen and unloved for a long time now. One year ago I made a big mistake and allowed a one time infidelity issue happen. It comes out to my husband a week ago and I owned up to it and obviously have changed everything since the affair. Within a week he has made the decision he wants a divorce and that’s that. I want my marriage and have prayed constantly. The overwhelming feelings of guilt and of anger of allowing things and not ever being validated are eating me alive.  Where do I go from here, I want to heal and change but I want my family also. Has anyone else been through something like this? A: Im glad you reached out even though it was after the issue got exposed. You should've voiced those feelings to him long ago and sought marriage help, incl pastoral counsel. You need to do damage control immediately cuz you can never remarry again if he leaves you. Do what it takes...

Q: We are young 20's and have been married 2 years. Weve had problems. After lots and lots of work at couples counseling (6 months) I still feel like my gut is telling me to leave my husband. We started attending counseling because of his porn addiction and anger isssues. He only ever put hands on me once, but it was enough to make me stop showing him affection. It’s like there’s a mental barrier I can’t break that won’t allow me to hug or kiss him.  He’s gotten a lot better but I’m still very unhappy in my relationship. He hasn’t watched porn in almost a year and hasn’t thrown a “tantrum” in about 5 months. I can tell he’s trying which makes me feel bad, but at the end of the day he doesn’t respect me or what I want and he always puts himself first. To make things worse, he is the most pessimistic person I’ve ever met. He complains nonstop all day long. It really drags me down.  And to top it all off, he is very unkind to animals. How can I trust him to be gentle and patient ...

A few months ago, my husband , a professing Christian, joined a group of non-Christian male neighbors to socialize... with the intention of sharing Jesus with them.   After becoming a Christian, my husband rarely drank, Now he’s drinking liquor with them every time he’s with them (several drinks already this week). Tonight while out to eat, I suggested divorce. Please pray my husband has a change of heart, stops drinking, returns to Jesus and walks blamelessly before God. Pray my husband chooses to put God/Jesus first, our marriage second, and not gets lost in this group of new friends. And, please pray my husband will never consider nor discuss nor pursue divorce. Please pray God opens his heart, mind and eyes to see that he’s backsliding and becoming worldly… he told me he’s being a great Christian witness to these friends. Pray the devil will not win, but God gives me and my husband the victory through Jesus. Thanks.  A: Sorry to hear this.  He definitely sho...

Q: I’m a single mom trying to figure things out. I never intended to be a single mom, yet here I am. While figuring things out, I met a guy who is now my ex, who was great in the beginning, but it was short lived. Quick explanation, he became mean and verbally lashed out at me while throwing my single motherhood in my face. We broke up mainly because of his verbally abusive ways, two years ago. He tried to win me back 6 months later, but then when I hesitated & told him it would take some time for me to trust him again... he ran off and married the woman he would say “was desperate to be with him, because she was still in love with him”. It hurt my feelings but I moved on.  Now hes trying to come back and I still have some resentment but im torn between trying to make it work, since he seems hes changed,... or running for the hills. Hes been persistent the last three months and wants to come see us but something about that disrupts my spirit.  I’m stronger in my faith sin...

Q: I am uncertain about how to proceed and need guidance. I am unsure whether I should continue to pursue my ex-boyfriend. His behavior was unacceptable; ejected me and our newborn from our home. I desire to maintain a unified family, but its leading me to question whether God intends for us to be together. A: He's not husband material. No nope nopity nope. Never reconnect to him for any kind of relationship.  Be grateful to God that You dodged a bullet. Or rather, didn't get chained to such a person for life! The devil dupes women to think they need to marry the person they had a kid with, when fornication is a one time thing, but where as chaining yourself to Satan's child for life as a wife is a life ruining trap. It's a wrong and unfortunate deceptive mindset. God has said NOT to marry unequally yoked , so it wasn't God's plans for you to be with him at all; from the beginning. Usually the woman compromises to her peril; feels she can't do it alone, fe...

God brings his human creations into this world in his timing, generation after generations. This explains further and has a good video link, to address it. If you remain single forever [includes no dating] then you can remain childless. The focus on singleness is to serve God.  If you marry, unless God closes your womb, by God's design, it is expected he will send humans into the world thru you, and it will be a gift and blessing (which he gives you to be good stewards of, and expects you to raise em up in the Lord). Hope that helps.  Related faq Guidance if not wanting Kids What if I don't want kids Resources for Believers

On not wanting kids in today's world Q: I’m confused. I’ve been back and forth between Protestant beliefs and Catholic beliefs and the one main difference that I’ve come across is the opinion on birth control in married relationships. It’s confusing me and stressing me out.  I’ve never felt called to have kids, but I’m in a 5+ year relationship with someone who I’d like to marry one day. I’m only 23 and he’s a year younger. Neither of us are in a position to get married right now due to life circumstances. We are not financially well off and I’ve been struggling with unemployment. Both of us still live at home with our parents.  Catholic and Christians believe that in order for a marriage to be valid, both parties need to be open to having kids. They believe that condoms and birth control pills are sinful because it doesn’t leave room for God’s will to be done. Protestants Ive talked to seem more open and lenient about the usage of contraceptives, but I'm not sure. I’ve read ...