CounselingChristians

Q: In a moment of heat my husband (not a believer) blasphemed twice in front of family, with a lot of anger.  He later apologized (which he never does) but it was such a quick “sorry” just to get me to stop bringing it up.  When he gets upset he will word vomit a bunch of cuss words and say in excuse it’s bc he’s upset.  We have been through so much in our 5 years of marriage, things started gong downhill after our first child was born. We are currently separated and were supposed to be doing counseling but it has been 4 months,  and his angry outburst are just so unpredictable. This separation has made me feel like I don’t love him anymore, I’m also not attracted to him at all physically, mentally, nothing.  I have prayed to be able to forgive him, I have prayed for his heart to soften towards us. It’s scary feeling like there is absolutely no more love towards him anymore. It feels like he will never change, things won’t change.  Appreciate your advice an...

Q: Why is it in convos when believing women say "my husband treats me terrible… and this is how…” but those providing responses or counsel go right to “are you a good wife…?”  I say this because I was raised in a “godly, Christian home” and guess what?! My dad just straight was a narcissist… no matter how my mom acted.  God didn’t say worship yalls man… God didn’t say slave to yalls man… men should be held to a higher standard. Yall are giving them the bare minimum and that’s not okay. A: Voddie rightfully notes that when believers go their own way (marry unequally yoked in rebellion to God's command), they reap what they sow. "You married him. You got exactly what you wanted".  Equally-yoked married couples focus on pursuing holiness, being a godly spouse. The husband loves the wife as Christ loves the Church, and the wife loves her husband. She is a blessing to him, a treasure, and he is grateful to God, and treats her as such.  In unequally yoked marriages, the be...

Q: I feel like leaving my marriage. Tired of constant arguing of how Christian religion is wrong, and how he has his mind in politics and that "I just can’t see other religions" possibilities, and so on and so on. He wrongly uses Scripture to make a point towards me, but doesn't believe. Though he got baptized before we got married (6 years ago), just to be like this to me. When I remember back when we were dating he did say he was agnostic. But then he started going to church, buying suits for it, attending Bible study etc up to the baptism. And anger marriage just seeing him going more and more to the opposite direction. I tense up when I hear him say mean things about God, Jesus and me. Feel 50/50 with my marriage.  Hear of others husbands changing and going with Christ. Mine husband (well bf at the time) did that but now he’s like this. Is it just a season of his life and God can still work through him? It’s almost like we staring to resent each other…I know we shoul...

Q: Really in need of advice here. I carry a lot of hatred for this world ....and for many of the people in it. I know i shouldnt but i do. Everywhere I look social media, the news, even just stepping outside all I see is injustice, evil, and suffering. It feels like we’re truly in the end times, and honestly, I’m just sick of being here. I’m tired and I feel ready to return to the Lord. For a long time, I used marijuana daily to numb how deeply I felt about all of this, especially my anger. But I recently had to quit (which I believe was God intervening), and now that I’m sober, I still feel as before but in addition feel everything even more intensely. I struggle with rage. It’s not just getting mad it’s a full-body, overwhelming physical reaction. I feel my blood boiling, I start sweating, and it takes over. I feel like i need to take revenge against any person who i feel is evil. Like it’s my personal duty even though i know it’s God’s. It’s not something I can breathe through or ta...

Q: Neglectful Husband Husband ignores me whenever I bring up divorce. I’m emotionally and mentally neglected in many ways and for various of reasons feel I have grounds of divorce.  He has changed a lot of things, but the main things I genuinely am I need of he doesn’t really fix: neglect.  Is there a reason why I would get stone walled when I ask about divorce? I genuinely feel like he doesn’t love me and he is dragging me along. I need advice. A: At this point I will highly recommend tou meet with a biblical counselor. First for yourself, and then together. You could just call it "marriage counseling" when you discuss it with him, as if he knows its faith related he will likely oppose it. And it is fine to have a male counselor once you go as couples, so he wont feel ganged up on by women and so the counselor deals with him properly man to man, in a biblical way.  This should be your first step and priority instead if asking for or considering divorce. When you go they'...

Q: I need advice… I have been a Christian since young, but I just now started finding my own way in faith rather than what my parents taught me. I am wanting to go to church but my husband doesn’t really like going to church. He believes in God but doesn’t feel a connection to him at church. How do I get him to come with me without forcing him or do I just go and be that example for him… I just want to grow and bring him with me but I also know I won’t change him God will… but I don’t want to walk alone… A: You wont be able to get an unbeliever to church. God would need to move him to. My recommendation is share the Gospel. Only God can save, and when he does, the person is transformed into a new creation with new and right desires. He will want to go to church and Worship God & Fellowship with believers.  While it is true based on parable of the soils some will profess and fall away, those genuinely converted will pursue a life of holiness and grow through the sanctification p...

Q: Desire to divorce, adultery and tons of other problems. I'm tired and exhausted. I want out.  A: He is an unbeliever. Why are you expecting someone not in the Kingdom to have kingdom behavior? He isnt regenerated; doesnt have the new nature in Christ. This is one big error young women make when dating. They see anyone as dating material, instead of looking only at the limited number of available godly suitors she is to pursue who meet biblical qualifications as the first step (before even dating). And then get all upset that he isnt living up to Christian standards. A believers behavior is not in his nature. He is spiritually dead. You have to be the living example of Christ in the home, radiating love; the love of God, towards him.  The Believer's stays, and pursues her husband in love, and for Christ.  Sinners behave as their nature. If unsaved, they only sin. If saved they pursue holiness and conquer sin. You cant blame him for living out his nature, but you can se...

Q: My husband and I have been in a terrible place over the last couple of months and its heavy today. Sunday was a pretty big fight, and he said he would rather be by himself than continue like this..im not mad, I agree..but I don't want to give up.  We've become roommates. When we argue, I need closure. I need to talk things out and get back to a good place. He likes to separate until we calm down and then act like nothing ever happened, which is how things are always handled. I keep quiet about my needs because he is so much louder and more aggressive than I am, so I walk away, cry and try to pretend Im ok. There's never an apology or working things out, and his words can be so harsh its like he ripped my heart out.  I feel like 90% of the time, I'm just trying to be ok. It has worked that way since we started dating 20 years ago..but im officially on empty. I can't keep pouring from an empty cup. I've become numb, and he takes it as me having an attitude, whi...

===Marriage==== Divine Design for Marriage  Pt 1 .  Pt2.  Pt3  Husbands love your wife Marriage Resources  ====DIVORCE===== Discussions & FAQ about Divorce There are 4  views on Marriage  in Christianity, in regards to divorce Qs, & nuances to consider.  1. Permanence View **No divorce, no remarriage under any circumstances.** Marriage is a lifelong, unbreakable union “one flesh” until death. Remarriage after divorce, while a former spouse lives, is considered adultery regardless of reason . 2. Semi‑Permanence View Permits divorce in specific cases (like adultery or abandonment), but does not allow remarriage while the original spouse is alive . 3. Conservative-Permissive view Within the broad Permissive View, the Conservative-Permissive (or Two-Clause View) is: Far more restrictive than liberal Protestant views. It’s stricter than the broader "Permissive" view. Clearly bounded by two scriptural clauses (Matthew 19:9 and 1 Corinthians 7:...

Q: Can you please pray for me? I took a step of faith to leave an abusive marriage. It’s caused me mental health issues.  He has cheated twice. He is verbally/mentally abusive. It actually almost cost me my life and I wouldn’t be here with my kids if it wasn’t for God pulling me through that. God didn’t tell me to divorce but feel its right for me to separate. Also, I have been supporting our family financially 9 yrs. He has not contributed. I will not renew my lease here so that he won’t help out. The Bible is also clear on boundaries isnt it? The gaslighting, manipulation was too much. I will leave till next month and the days feel long.  He continues to try to pick a fight. He says I’m a promiscuous woman and sleep with other people when this entire marriage I have never cheated on this man and it’s frustrating. He also tells me "I am not covered by God’s protection" since im leaving him. We have had many counselors within church and outside of church. I believe God will ...

Church policy doesnt allow outside or any counseling of those married without both present with the elders, even in abuse situations. Is this biblical?? Q:I have a question about what the Bible says about talking about/seeking counsel from others about marital difficulties, especially in cases of possible verbal/emotional abuse. A friend shared with me that the official position of "her" church. To avoid gossip or the potential to disrespect the marriage covenant, a wife cannot speak with anyone about marital problems unless her husband is also present for the conversation. This includes not talking to friends, counselors, or other family members about any marital difficulties. This church does recognize physical abuse as serious but the pastoral counseling provided doesn’t seem to be recognize other forms of abuse. I recognize that is not uncommon in church circles, but this is the first time I’ve heard it called unbiblical for one spouse to even talk about marital problem...