Loss of good friendship

Q: I am a teen. I have been stressed out about a situation and need godly advice.

I had a huge friend group and in that group was a best friend [i’ve known since I was 7]. She and another girl in the group became close and she stopped talking to me. I wanted to know why she had been distancing herself from me [and she wouldn’t talk to me unless the girl I mentioned before joined us].

So we met at a coffee shop and I found out she had been distancing herself from me because they couldn’t see my “spiritual” involvement with the Lord and that she didn’t want to be around someone like that. They never told me what was wrong and never helped or attempted to help in so called areas I was lacking either.

I am a very studious and decent kid.. the only bad thing I can think of I do is ever do is swear (but never taking the God's name in vain). I might sometimes laugh at an innapropriate joke. But I am only 17 and I will fail sometimes in my walk, but I get huge hits of conviction when I do those things.

I feel hurt that she said that she couldn’t even see His Spirit within me. I do as best I can and find it odd to judge someone else’s relationship with Christ.

I have been very depressed and anxious about my spirituality ever since. Advice?

A:  Without knowing the specifics to gain insight on certain things which might better enable me to help, here are some thoughts. My intention is to be a help and to hope they had a wrong impression of you.

On one hand I am glad to hear such friends were caring enough to actually say what their concern was.

On the other, were you able to ask them what they thought or anticipate a believers life will look like?

If so you could be honest in areas you were lacking and ask them to give you some tips and suggestions. During that meet up you couldve told them what your daily life looks like... bcuz lets be real not everyone:
*is at the same maturity level in the faith
*is outgoing and express their faith outwardly all the time
*knows your inner life but God.

If they think the things you say and choices you make appear to not be Christian then there can be some great constructive feedback to examine yourself and make good changes bcuz they helped bring sth to your attention.

If they have it wrong you can explain that in that initial meet up or shortly after. 

Considered writing these things down after reflecting on that convo, have thoughtful prayerful consideration, and sharing that with your friend, as a follow up.

If she is in your church [at this point] you can also ask your youth pastor  (discuss this matter with him first) and then ask him have her join the conversation to resolve the matter. In fact even if she isnt at your church he could still be your mediator and help. 

It is good they Matt 18 approached you but they are missing the part of any changes [on both parties sides], and in restoring fellowship. And it is good that you sought to resolve this even though it didnt go well, just yet. 

Not everyone who claims to be a believer is. I dont necessarily mean you, but she could be from a wonky denomination with ridiculous expectations and false teaching too. So there's that to consider as well.

Through this you will either come out stronger friends, or break away and God will bring new friends. It seems a sad loss bcuz the friendship has been forever, but many friends fade away for various reasons over time and few [from school age] end up long term ones [lasting beyond college years]. So don't stress if it doesnt work out. That friendship mightve faded soon anyway.

If you lose this friend God will bring other good Christian friends into your life at the right time. So do not be anxious nor fall into depression. 😊

Ultimately you know your relationship with God better than even a friend does. And if they are going to judge you, cut you off, etc you are probably better off without them, but also they have some maturing in the faith to do themselves. Still... be kind and forgiving to them even though what they did hurts. 

Whatever you learn from this experience will help you in any similar situations you find yourself in so you have a better idea how to approach it. 

Glad you sought advice because it is important not to let others cause you to retreat away from people, but figure out how to overcome it. 

Hope this helps.

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Have you obeyed the Gospel 

Ensuring you are Saved & Assurance of Faith

Helps for anxiety
Forgiveness mindset

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