When a parent leaves Christianity
What to do if a believing parent becomes Atheist or leaves Christianity?
Q: He deconstructed and became atheist but is willing "to play along for the kids sake" for a while, but will need to tell them at some point. And mom asks "how to do this so it doesnt destroy their kids faith."
A: If he is doing all of that, and daily in the Bible... he should've been bringing his contemplations and struggles to the men's group or his pastor so he gets his questions answered. The church is where our life is and where we seek counsel. People have to stop acting like Christianity and faith is a solo life.
If hes willing to play along, then why not have him talk to a Pastor and seek to resolve the struggles. This could be the key. He just had doubts, and had no one giving him answers but atheist youtube videos [He was seeking answers in the wrong places; he shouldve been in the Word to get his answers, not in the world cesspool of social media].
If he has no interest in finding the answers and speaking to the pastor, then Mom needs to have the discussion with the kids (with the pastor as sort of a light counseling session). And they can still have hopeful long term action plan for all of them to try to share things of Christ with him, with the hope he gets saved and is brought into the church. Truth is he may have been religious before and not actually saved. I also dont know if this parent came from a false Christian church or cult, and that could add a layer if disentangling for the whole family, which can result in them all finding genuine faith. But let's assume it is from a real Christianity [protestant]...
One tip I would suggest is that before he makes a hard line towards atheism and walks away from the faith, [and thus having to tell the kids] is... to go through this material as a last attempt to reconcile the struggles and questions he had, so that he doesnt leave Christianity without getting really solid answers, because he should want to get to the bottom of this, and shouldnt want to confuse the children if he gets these answers 10 yrs from now and comes back after all that wasted time in the wilderness, and all the damage hes done to the kids because of it. So sir dont skip this step, instead save yourself and everyone else some pain.
Here are the resources:
*About the Trinity and God's Attributes
2. Understand the essentials of Christianity
3. Understand the Biblical Gospel
4. Answers about Jesus
This has really good material linked and free solid videos, as well as some books (*some books might be free to you in audio format on spotify or audible if you have paid accts there). The investigating Christianity area is a solid deep dive worth going through (and necessary for you).
6. Answers about Suffering in the world
7. Answers about Sin & the Believer
8. Various Answers for, and discussions with, Skeptics, to bring biblical understanding to things they have confusion about.
9. Reform your faith instead of deconstructing.
10. Any other info in here that can help on anything he wants to look at for answers that might be here on a subject, such as the Holy Spirit. *within the various section is a study on that topic.
11. And further questions answered here at
GotQuestions.org (760k answers).
If he goes through all of this "with an open heart and mind" (including whats in the links and all the books), then he will likely resolve all the doubts and struggles he has had.
12. Beyond these things, if there is one or two things he doesnt quite understand still - then have him speak with:
*a solid pastor who is known to be a deep Bible man (even if it isnt yours). He will have an answer or get a book or resource for him that fully answers that issue.
*call into STR.org radio and ask those specific questions (re: failing faith counsel )
*call Answers in Genesis and ask those specific questions (for failing faith counsel)
Doing all of this will highly likely resolve things in 99% of the cases. In that resolution he might find he never understood biblical Christianity and actually gets saved, or comes out of this time of seeking -with his faith stronger than ever - and you wont even need to have "that convo with the kids". Theyll never know until much older that "dad struggled with his faith a bit even as an adult", and because he overcame it, he made sure in their daily Family Bible hour (with the kids/as a family) that all of the things that solidify ones faith and all the answers he got were also things he made sure his kids had a good grasp on too, so that they never waiver in their faith. He became a more solid spiritual leader and believer because he sought counsel from those in Christianity who really had the answers.
If he is genuine then he will do the above. And if he cares about his kids he owes it to them to do so too. Not half heartedly, but purposefully & with deternination.
God bless.
Source: STR, When a parent leaves Christianity [advice]
If your family does get preserved in the faith (because he reformed his faith by getting answers), then ensure a personal and family time in the Bible is a part of your daily lives going forward - daily.
Make it a priority in your home at a specific time, no excuses, no skipping a day. This family Bible hour is where Father reads an area of Scripture, you all discuss it, he opens up faith question time for the kids to ask any questions, and seeks to answer them right there or look it up at GQ and tell them right then. If its too big, then curcle back to it as the lesson for the next day or at night before they are in bed go give them the answer [theyll sleep on that knowledge].
Teach them through the essentials of the faith, who God is, explain the Fall as to why Suffering and sin exist, so they grasp this irl, and then move on to specific studies through the Bible to teach them.
If kids are 11 or 12 already, then teach the above and then core important things in the NT and about righteous Christian living(1), but DO ensure they have a clear understanding of the Gospel (show the video).
If you have younger ones, after the above is done w whole family, start in Genesis and go thru the whole Bible teaching important areas.
Make sure to have open Q& A time, and close the time in prayer.
You could have a healthy snack, a cookie and a non sugary non caffinated beverage at Family Bible hour. Giving it at a time they might start wiggling, esp the little ones.
*Make God and the Bible the priority in your home, not sports, activities, worldly tv, phones, or other diversions.
If he continues atheist, then...
mom, you lead all of this and you ensure he is onboard with this plan. Even if you need to get it legally notarized on paper that "he agrees the kids will grow up taught Christianity at home and will be at Church on Sundays (with mom) and at other times as needed, even if he divorces you, [and that he wont try to convert our children to his beliefs]". Get this solidified now so this issue doesnt further harm the kids.
3 originals notarized
*one for mom, one for the family court, and one spare. And scan a copy to the cloud. He doesnt need a copy of it.
If he divorces you, you are free to find a mature godly born again believer to be your husband and who will then be the spiritual leader over the family, who will take over all those duties, and love the kids.
Footnotes
(1) Here are some resources on understanding human morality, righteousness & right living is based on God's character and nature.
This has some clarity on laws vs righteousness
There are studies on Christian living and the armor of God here as well, you can use to understand this yourself and not only live it as an example to your kids but to teach to them too. (Scroll. Its in 3 sections).
For other resources for you and the kids this Believers Resources site will be a wealth of blessing.
⭐Bookmark this page and the above page so you can go through all of this. 😊✝️
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