My young brother was caught looking at porn

Q: My young 9 year old brother was caught watching porn. We had a family meeting about it, and he was there. The parents argued. How can we/I help my brother, with this issue? 

A: This is a growing issue in families today.

It has been called the New Drug. 

It can cause arguments among parents if both or one are not true born again believers.They should have a united front and discussed it before the sit down. There might be a "personal moralism vs righteousness" problem, if one isnt saved but they need to address this issue. 

Your brother obv understands this is a big issue (since the adults argued at the intervention meeting), but hopefully, at minimum, it scared him off from ever looking at those things again.

Boys with free access to devices and computers, [(as well as their friends and at school) & if lgbt cult infiltrated his school], will now be looking at this stuff by age 10.  So by age 9 there should be convos in a Christian home from a health & body discussion (like a health class would), body privacy, along with Biblical worldview about respecting God and females, and for them to be taught morals and expectations of character, thoughts & behavior. But also the right way of thinking. Sure God designed us so men and women do get married and have a very treasured and special relationship, but thoughts, attitudes and actions need to be in proper order as well. A girl or woman can be attractive but he needs to be proper minded. He wouldnt want to see his mom or sisters in a porn video or in smut material and should expect to feel the same about any other female too. 

But unless he is in a home with both parents who are true believers (but at least the dad) then this would appear to be a issue that "falls thru cracks" as parents assume kids are two young to even think theyd look at or have interest in this at his age. It isnt at age 13+ issue anymore. 

In early Millennial school era [probably your parents age] organizations pushed for Public Schools legally to allow children "free access to the internet, unrestricted", and i believe porn was a concern they dismissed (knowing that was where the org wanted it to go towards), which then in addition to the perverted thoughts and porn viewing by unsaved older brothers (just like 21+ video games the younger bros had seen/ having access too/encouraged to watch or even play). All the porn stuff all ended up being shown around on computers at school & in homes of unsaved friends (by influence of those older unsaved brothers), and snowballed when 9 to 18 year olds gained unrestricted access to cell phones with internet & texting.

So if this is a professing Christian family, they dropped the ball & were not actively spiritually guiding the boys during 7-12 age range so that this didnt happen. The church is not the parent nor spiritual leader of the family, 52 days a year at 1 or 2 hours isnt going to combat perversion that theyre bombarded with 365 by the world (tv, music, movies) and for 350 days a year at a public school for 8 hours, and additionally by any unsaved classmates [the parents wrongly allowed them to socialize with/befriend during school and for hours after school (irl or by phone, computers or texting)].

Light and darkness have no part together. We are not to be unequally yoked in friendships, relationships/marriage or in business partnerships/contracts.

I would have a good long talk about God and Christianity, the truths God told us through Scripture. Incl verses around young men and purity. But also purity of thought. The importance of a right and good character.  About our thoughts, morals, self control, thinking only on what is good, lovely, pure, righteous etc. and living as God wants us to.  I would explain the Gospel clearly to him as well. This is a good time to understand sin and why we need Jesus and the righteous nature he offers.

These are resources for conquering sexual sins & sexual thoughts and specific resources for counseling for Porn issues. If you go through it, you can pull out the things he should be aware of/educated on and understand, also show some videos, and get some of the books to go through. The parent believer can take them through the book. 

After he goes through that, I recommend to have him "write an essay" (800-1,000 words) on what he learned (why porn is wrong and looking at women is wrong and how he should be thinking, respecting God and women, and whatever else you feel is important the essay should address). This way you can (at that tine) revisit areas he has not seemee to grasp which he needs to get in his mind, for right living, -even if others around him embrace sexual sin, it wont be tolerated in this household. And if he does it again, church discipline should be enacted (get the Pastor involved). He needs to be aware of that.

If you want to add (during your home counseling) you can lightly address Josh Duggar. Explaining, "A famous brother of a Christian family was having wrong sexual thoughts about girls. He didnt conquer those sin thoughts as a young man, and when he got married he was watching porn. By his behavior he disgraced his entire family, slandered Christianity globally. It was all over the news, the whole world found out. By doung this he ruined his wife and childrens lives forever, and his entire family. His sin thoughts & porn viewing ended up putting him in prison for many many years." [You dont need to give more details]. This might help scare him straight. And truthfully his sin thoughts progressed & snowballed into various actions for all what he did, so it is all true.

I also highly recommend finding older teens at church, (whom the youth leader and decons agree) are solid mature believing teens who can be mentors to him. And be (commitedly) active in his life (for a year or two), who can teach him about right thinking and godly living. [As he might only be around unsaved people week in and week out at school, if it is a public school].

As a family you should begin being more focused on Christian living and educating the children in spiritual matters regularly, which should include a daily 1 hour family worship time [its a time for devotional type time that instills essentials of Christian beliefs, importance of a right relationship with God, that teaches the Gospel, understanding repentance, who God is, what he has done (in Bible), how he helps us live rightly, how to live rightly, how to face a fallen world where suffering and sin affects everyone (including him as an individual). And do a family memory verse of the day, do a song and end in prayers. 

in Ephesians we are told to not even have a hint of sexual immorality. In Ephesians 5:3 it says" But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity,"

We are to protect our hearts from things that aren't in alignment with the Holy Spirit. After the education, have him pray about it to God, explaining God knows all of our thoughts, and all what we say and do. And encourage him to "ask God to help him live rightly" every day and every moment of his life.

Make him aware that what we think, speak & do exposes what’s in our heart & shows in truth what kind of person we are. 

“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” Matthew 12:34 and Luke 6:45. What people say and do reveals what's inside them, including their heart's condition.

The Bible says... to run from evil. 

Here are some verses you can have him read aloud, and have him think on, and memorize at family worship hour in daily memory verse education.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in passionate lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and take advantage in the matter of his brother, for the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we also told you and solemnly warned you."

1 Corinthians 6:18-20: "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a man commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you were bought with a price; glorify God therefore in your body."

Proverbs 6:25-29: "Do not desire her beauty in your heart, And do not let her capture you with her eyelids. For a prostitute reduces a man to a loaf of bread, And an adulteress hunts for a precious life. Can fire be taken in one’s bosom, And one’s clothes not be burned? Or can a man walk on burning coals, And his feet not be scorched? So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; No one who touches her will be innocent."

Here are more verses in sexual purity for him.

It is good to have specific "Christian living" lessons in that family bible hour, and go over verses associated so theyre planted in hearts and minds. These lessons need to have real world truths and education so he and the family can be growing in faith and living rightly. 

One way you can add to "living out the Christian life" at home is to remove secular entertainment, & music from the home and your car rides, to instead play Scripture songs in the car, and at home & at the family worship time. Hiding God's Word in your hearts. 

You can also listen to good podcasts like livingwaters.com podcast. 4 men talk about faith 👉and lots of young boys and families listen to it every week. You can (as a family) listen to it every day until you catch up, & then listen to it 2x a week (it is posted 2x a week).

You can also get him the Evidence Bible they offer, as its full of loads of info. And in family worship hour you can have portions of Scripture read in it as well as look at the neat study bits the publisher put in it. It addresses evolution, science etc. as you go through it. So include those parts.

Then when possible during the day to day living, parents (and older believing teens) should look for opportunities for discussing a Christian thought or principle, even if its addressing news related or life situation related you heard of. Discuss from biblical worldview, note bible verses you recall too. This puts life focus on a biblical worldview mindset. One rule though: If its something political parents should try to avoid most things normally one would say and instead focus on the biblical worldview (when talking) not from a cultural one, personal opinion or political party view. 

Finally, I would highly recommend moving him to a Christian school (that doesnt embrace lgbt) [perhaps your church has a school], or to a homeschool/Christian neighborhood homeschool co-op to ensure you are 1. removing immoral unsaved kids in his life & 2. shielding his mind from evil taught in and embraced in todays public schools but also to ensure you are training him up well "raising him up in the way he should go (in the Lord) so he will not depart from it". God will hold parents accountable as like he does with preachers, for their children were given in their care to raise them in a Christian atmosphere at home to grow in the knowldege of the faith, and to live in Christ. This is esp true if the father professes Christ, since he is the spiritual leader of the home. 

If the home is unequally yoked in faith then there wil be problems...but the above can still be implimented if one parent is a true believer. The school change might be a hard sell if one isnt saved, so that might be one thing that doesnt happen. 

Thus, whichever parent is saved they will need to take on the bulk of the above to do, like Timothys mother and grandmother did, to lead him unto the ways of God on his/her own. If the Father is saved, he is the head of the home and can impliment all of this - as she is to follow his lead. 

If your parents arent saved and arent leadung him, you can do what you can. 

Hope this helps! It really should 😊.

God bless

Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the firmament, and those who turn many to righteousness like the stars forever and ever. Daniel 12:3

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