Single mom w problematic children
Q: Does anyone else hate motherhood? I love my children with all of my heart but most days I just struggle to even tolerate them. They are always fighting talking back and whining. I feel no joy. I believe I am a pretty good mom except I am not consistent when I comes to discipline. Sometimes I follow through sometimes I give up and walk away.
I have given up everything for them. They are in a school that I cannot afford, my youngest is a competitive athlete that drains my bank account. They always want things and I feel like they are ungrateful. I became a mom at 15 & im 32 now. My 11 year old has always had an attitude (literally from birth) and it has been exhausting. I don’t understand how women want so many kids, especially the ones with terrible husbands or no husband at all. My faith in God is a roller coaster of ups and downs. I find myself dreaming of a different life, one that doesn’t exist.
A: I’m curious where is their father? It sounds like you are doing this alone?
First, ask God to help you see your children as an inheritance from him (Psalm 127:3) instead of a burden when feeling overwhelmed and drained.
Secondly, In all honesty you need to take accountability for why they're so difficult to manage. I understand that you were a young mother, but you're an adult now. You've had many years to tackle this.
Your children are not to blame for outcomes in your life that you aren't happy with. If you want to see change, do something different.
Finally, since you didn't elaborate we don't know, so I am not sure if what im going to say applies to you, but seems it might, so consider it if it has some truth, so things can go better for all.
While we all come to Christianity in diff situations and times, Voddie has addressed this [in one situation] stating "you get what you wanted", for those who run after a man who is not a believer (& not mature in the faith to be the right spiritual leader for you). But the former doesn't come with the latter. You have to only have a godly man to start with, [who lives in self control and doesnt seek you as prey but respects and fears God, so never to seek sex outside marriage], to have a blessed life. He will, as your spouse, love you as Christ loved the Church, serve sacrificially, help and bless you & lead the home in all ways too.
But If you run with the world and after unsaved men, you end up pregnant out of wedlock or even worse - marry a man who is Satan's child. So you ignore what God has said, don't seek counsel from the Pastor... because you want what you want at any cost, then complain when you get what you wanted. Once you fornicate and possibly even marry an unsaved man (false converts unvetted included), you ruin your life and lose all God wanted for you. Freewill to sin happens with the unsaved, but believers are live in righteousness; pursue it. While possible a new believer can mess up once and sin, they don't live in the pattern of sinful behaviors, those in the world does. [*I say this in regards to sexual sins where you end up with kids, cuz it only takes one time].
Not sure if that's your situation, but without a godly man you have to carry the full load. It sounds like you didn't pursue how to raise your kids in Christ, nor how to discipline them and correct them moment by moment [and holding firmly to it] so they live rightly and obey you as the parent. Possibly you just let them do whatever day by day and you ended up where things are now. You'll need to do intensive disiplining/disciplining (to counter everything they've been raised in allowance to) to course correct... and ensure that is done in love. You can't blame them for the monsters you created by not doing the right things. Your best course of action is to go to quick immerssion Christian parenting classes & courses, get educated in how to handle all the issues you have with each one so you can correct them and set the new expectation standards. And along with it you preach the Gospel to yourself and them. Plus an additional way you can deal with these issues is going to a professional biblical counselor. They'll help you in areas you need to change and help you with how to work on the kids. If necessary at some point, have the kids go to a session so they know this change is not going away and they need to get with the program (so they can live rightly even as they move out one day).
As a just in case....If you are not saved or need to examine if you really are you can go to needGod.com. if you are not loving others it's because God's love isn't in you.
Love is humble and sacrificial and serves without complaints. It does what's needed.
But we are not perfect and can get overwhelmed esp w o a support system so recent of areas you failed in, put the Regrets in the past and get to it.
If you aren't married, you would do well to find a mature godly man and marry so you can have help, and an authority male over them so nonsense stops. Plus he will lead and be spiritual leader. After 11 the kids need to be being prepared for the Real World (avoiding possible things you did) and understanding the Gospel. With hope they'll be saved before leaving home.
My sister in law had 4 kids, they're in 20s now, and a most are baby mama's/got kids, with a whole new generation of mess. She was a single mom and they were nice kids until about that age, they grew up getting into all kinds of trouble and are on the far wrong side of living now. The mom worked all the time and was never hardly home. Professed to be Christian yet lived as an idolator. They had no one raising them and no man in the home. Those are disaster situations all which God wants avoided - having professors of Christ marry believers and live as team Christ. *We all choose our decisions but believers are not to choose sin, but to choose loving obedience to God and go the way that blesses. And seek godly counsel and the Word, along the way.
If this fits your situation, then there's much to do, if you are wanting to live as one born again, and you have to get your armor on and go to work and do the hard things. You will be accountable to God for how you raised them, and what you sent into the world, so I hope you choose the hard way and dig deep in the trenches, to turn the tides now. God is in the restoration business, and he won't leave you alone to do it.
Here are some resources to help you start (but are not godly parenting courses), these address areas of sin & helps. See emotions page first, get a grasp on those teachings, and also find a biblical counselor and do what you need to to afford those sessions, because your kids lives & eternal lives are at stake. Nothings to hard or too costly for this mission, to turn the ship around.
Counseling - self help & professional directory
Parenting helps
I have given up everything for them. They are in a school that I cannot afford, my youngest is a competitive athlete that drains my bank account. They always want things and I feel like they are ungrateful. I became a mom at 15 & im 32 now. My 11 year old has always had an attitude (literally from birth) and it has been exhausting. I don’t understand how women want so many kids, especially the ones with terrible husbands or no husband at all. My faith in God is a roller coaster of ups and downs. I find myself dreaming of a different life, one that doesn’t exist.
A: I’m curious where is their father? It sounds like you are doing this alone?
First, ask God to help you see your children as an inheritance from him (Psalm 127:3) instead of a burden when feeling overwhelmed and drained.
Secondly, In all honesty you need to take accountability for why they're so difficult to manage. I understand that you were a young mother, but you're an adult now. You've had many years to tackle this.
Your children are not to blame for outcomes in your life that you aren't happy with. If you want to see change, do something different.
Finally, since you didn't elaborate we don't know, so I am not sure if what im going to say applies to you, but seems it might, so consider it if it has some truth, so things can go better for all.
While we all come to Christianity in diff situations and times, Voddie has addressed this [in one situation] stating "you get what you wanted", for those who run after a man who is not a believer (& not mature in the faith to be the right spiritual leader for you). But the former doesn't come with the latter. You have to only have a godly man to start with, [who lives in self control and doesnt seek you as prey but respects and fears God, so never to seek sex outside marriage], to have a blessed life. He will, as your spouse, love you as Christ loved the Church, serve sacrificially, help and bless you & lead the home in all ways too.
But If you run with the world and after unsaved men, you end up pregnant out of wedlock or even worse - marry a man who is Satan's child. So you ignore what God has said, don't seek counsel from the Pastor... because you want what you want at any cost, then complain when you get what you wanted. Once you fornicate and possibly even marry an unsaved man (false converts unvetted included), you ruin your life and lose all God wanted for you. Freewill to sin happens with the unsaved, but believers are live in righteousness; pursue it. While possible a new believer can mess up once and sin, they don't live in the pattern of sinful behaviors, those in the world does. [*I say this in regards to sexual sins where you end up with kids, cuz it only takes one time].
Not sure if that's your situation, but without a godly man you have to carry the full load. It sounds like you didn't pursue how to raise your kids in Christ, nor how to discipline them and correct them moment by moment [and holding firmly to it] so they live rightly and obey you as the parent. Possibly you just let them do whatever day by day and you ended up where things are now. You'll need to do intensive disiplining/disciplining (to counter everything they've been raised in allowance to) to course correct... and ensure that is done in love. You can't blame them for the monsters you created by not doing the right things. Your best course of action is to go to quick immerssion Christian parenting classes & courses, get educated in how to handle all the issues you have with each one so you can correct them and set the new expectation standards. And along with it you preach the Gospel to yourself and them. Plus an additional way you can deal with these issues is going to a professional biblical counselor. They'll help you in areas you need to change and help you with how to work on the kids. If necessary at some point, have the kids go to a session so they know this change is not going away and they need to get with the program (so they can live rightly even as they move out one day).
As a just in case....If you are not saved or need to examine if you really are you can go to needGod.com. if you are not loving others it's because God's love isn't in you.
Love is humble and sacrificial and serves without complaints. It does what's needed.
But we are not perfect and can get overwhelmed esp w o a support system so recent of areas you failed in, put the Regrets in the past and get to it.
If you aren't married, you would do well to find a mature godly man and marry so you can have help, and an authority male over them so nonsense stops. Plus he will lead and be spiritual leader. After 11 the kids need to be being prepared for the Real World (avoiding possible things you did) and understanding the Gospel. With hope they'll be saved before leaving home.
My sister in law had 4 kids, they're in 20s now, and a most are baby mama's/got kids, with a whole new generation of mess. She was a single mom and they were nice kids until about that age, they grew up getting into all kinds of trouble and are on the far wrong side of living now. The mom worked all the time and was never hardly home. Professed to be Christian yet lived as an idolator. They had no one raising them and no man in the home. Those are disaster situations all which God wants avoided - having professors of Christ marry believers and live as team Christ. *We all choose our decisions but believers are not to choose sin, but to choose loving obedience to God and go the way that blesses. And seek godly counsel and the Word, along the way.
If this fits your situation, then there's much to do, if you are wanting to live as one born again, and you have to get your armor on and go to work and do the hard things. You will be accountable to God for how you raised them, and what you sent into the world, so I hope you choose the hard way and dig deep in the trenches, to turn the tides now. God is in the restoration business, and he won't leave you alone to do it.
Here are some resources to help you start (but are not godly parenting courses), these address areas of sin & helps. See emotions page first, get a grasp on those teachings, and also find a biblical counselor and do what you need to to afford those sessions, because your kids lives & eternal lives are at stake. Nothings to hard or too costly for this mission, to turn the ship around.
Counseling - self help & professional directory
Parenting helps
Disciplining & Correcting
Voddie on important points to grasp, and to bless your future (since it appears fortunately your not married yet 👍).
Believers Mindset
One of the things you need to do to course correct, is move them out of the expensive school, and remove the sporty and time consuming activities. They also need to learn gratitude and respect. "To respect the gift Giver & not focus on the gifts". And that's exactly similar too with our relationship to God. They can pursue those things later as young adults if they want to go that direction (when on their own). You do not need to give them everything they want.
Let them know you "had a come to Jesus moment and realized you've failed the kids but things are going to be different because you are accountable to God for raising them right, and can no longer live a lukewarm life as a believer but as a true follower, and that includes raising you kids rightly. They'll be some learning and growing pains but once we're on track all will go well".
Make the drastic changes, stick to it...and redirect them to Christian focused activities. Be in Church and Sunday School and areas of serving/service as a family.
It's a lot of work but these children are your responsibility and you need to do what's needed to make things right. And do so in a godly and God honoring way.
More good news is that... God has provided us with a whole community to help us with all these kinds of things and it's at our local Church. We are all at doff places and areas in our walk and as parents, and we can & will band together to bless and help one another 🙂. It's nothing to be ashamed of and def a really good thing to go get help. Your not superman but we know the One who is, and he's given us a big family of helpers within the brethren.
Since your were parenting alone, (and until you can get the right advice from a biblical counselor), go contact & talk to godly mature/married couples at church [(like the very clear ones who are in leadership positions and whose lives clearly show theyre really mature in Christ) [who have older kids]], and sit down with them and ask advice [and get an action plan] on how to deal biblically with all the issues you gave here & other ones you are dealing with, with your kids, to help you as you begin the journey of this correction mission. 🫂💗.
Voddie on important points to grasp, and to bless your future (since it appears fortunately your not married yet 👍).
Believers Mindset
One of the things you need to do to course correct, is move them out of the expensive school, and remove the sporty and time consuming activities. They also need to learn gratitude and respect. "To respect the gift Giver & not focus on the gifts". And that's exactly similar too with our relationship to God. They can pursue those things later as young adults if they want to go that direction (when on their own). You do not need to give them everything they want.
Let them know you "had a come to Jesus moment and realized you've failed the kids but things are going to be different because you are accountable to God for raising them right, and can no longer live a lukewarm life as a believer but as a true follower, and that includes raising you kids rightly. They'll be some learning and growing pains but once we're on track all will go well".
Make the drastic changes, stick to it...and redirect them to Christian focused activities. Be in Church and Sunday School and areas of serving/service as a family.
It's a lot of work but these children are your responsibility and you need to do what's needed to make things right. And do so in a godly and God honoring way.
More good news is that... God has provided us with a whole community to help us with all these kinds of things and it's at our local Church. We are all at doff places and areas in our walk and as parents, and we can & will band together to bless and help one another 🙂. It's nothing to be ashamed of and def a really good thing to go get help. Your not superman but we know the One who is, and he's given us a big family of helpers within the brethren.
Since your were parenting alone, (and until you can get the right advice from a biblical counselor), go contact & talk to godly mature/married couples at church [(like the very clear ones who are in leadership positions and whose lives clearly show theyre really mature in Christ) [who have older kids]], and sit down with them and ask advice [and get an action plan] on how to deal biblically with all the issues you gave here & other ones you are dealing with, with your kids, to help you as you begin the journey of this correction mission. 🫂💗.
May it in the end bring forth wonderful outcomes and fruit.
Prayers & God bless
Prayers & God bless
😊Related
Footnotes:
*Godly parenting courses can be found at Focus on the Family, in books such as from Paul Tripp, & in parenting link,...and at conferences at reputable churches & ministries. You can get advice on the kind of deeper courses needed for your issues from the biblical counselor.
*Dont try to find courses on your own, youll end up in a trap. Avoid husband and wife church and similar business places that masquerade as Christian. They're only out for your money (and are actually decievers...who are not Christian).
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