Affair proofing my marriage (spouse has opposite sex "work partner")
Re: trust & faith husband isn't committing any form of sexual sin with female partner in firefighter/police/military/similar or any job
Q: Need godly advice. I have trust issues, so I’m not sure if that is getting in the way of how I’m thinking right now. My husband is a firefighter. Currently, he has a female partner who is single and has messed up and knowingly had an affair with someone. I understand that is her past and can’t hold that to her now. Anyway, my husband started to tell little lies, but it went on for 7 months before he told me the truth. It wasn’t anything bad, but hiding chewing from me, when I asked what he bought, since he used a card he would lie to my face and stuff like that. He also texted his female partner drunk, nothing sexual. He’s just overly nice to her. Texting her to have a great vacation and birthday, telling her happy birthday he hopes she has the best day. All that said, I just need some Godly advice. I know it’s not cheating, but I kinda feel like it. When I tell him how I feel and that it feels like cheating, he just gets annoyed and says he isn’t and that he’s just nice and hasn’t physically touched or flirted with her. He tells me he isn’t cheating on me. He’s just nice. He is a nice guy and seems oblivious to a lot of things. I kinda trust him more than the girl. I just feel like I’m going crazy that my feelings aren’t being heard or cared for.
A: This woman's past is an indication of her character. A demonstration of her values and the way she operates in the world.
Is the partner a Christian living godly having been saved after her past? That's important to the convo. If not, you def should be trying to reach her for Christ (woman to woman). And that will be an additional veterans to her if she persists living unsaved.
He should do a study on temptation & sexual purity with the men and Pastor at your church. This is a vital study men cannot neglect.
Even if he is not cheating, he is putting himself around the temptation even if he currently isn't committing physical adultery he could be in his thoughts, walking a thin line. Unfortunately even the redeemed, as humans, aren’t the strongest when it comes to temptation.
Talk with the leader of the mems group, and ask him to do a robust study with the men's group at church in this. This is a new book focused on men remaining pure and avoiding sexual sin they could use to start.
There's also further resources here he can go through to prevent sexual thought sins/sexual sins & maintain a proper fear of God. The mens leader can go through these materials also to see if any could be used or he could create a study from it to use in that several weeks long mens purity study. There's another resource on sin, and Prof. biblical counseling directory in that study on sexual sin, should he or you both need or want counseling. But perhaps also bring up the idea to the leader that the church could hire a prof biblical counselor (at discount) to come in and do a 15 min marriage counseling session (with all married men in the mens group) to further adultery proof their marriages. Onecon one time let's the men ask things or deal with things they need help with pertaining to each one individually, to help affair proof their marriage. And they can reach out to that [male] counselor later for this or any other marriage counseling needs for himself & you both.
Hopefully the guys in the men's group along with the pastor will be tackling all these things on sexual purity [in the book & study] in the mens meetings for several months, and additionally tackling the specific topics as a mini mens conference, so it matters not if married or singles are in their gathering. It benefits them all.
Not sure it's possible, but out of love for you he should at least formally "request to change partners" to partner with a man, even if the reason he gives is your "faith, your wife, and to prevent sexual impurity." You could ask the pastor or mens leader if that's a reasonable request you could make as a wife and a mindset he should already have.
As far as you, you need to deal with your possible sin of not trusting God. Every day has its own problems we don't need to live in fear but in peace. So do a study in Scripture on trusting God, see if the women's group leader at church could create a study on this trust issues topic and also focus on conquering worry, anxiety & emotions. Its unfortunate we are living in a Fallen world and wives have this concern about their spouse. But we cannot act as if our spouse is guilty of sexual sins when they might not be. That's really hurtful towatds his integrity and can damage your marriage, even destroy it.
Without substantial evidence, your mindset is behaving unjustly to condemn someone for a crime they may not have committed. The presumption of innocence is a fundamental principle that should be upheld in all situations. It's unfair to accuse our spouse of wrongdoing if there's no facts to support it happening. And without evidence appearing it can damage your relationship irreparably. It's crucial to avoid making false accusations that could have serious long lasting consequences, and lead him to shiny down, not communicate, think bitterly about you, put a rift, or lead to divorce.
We should treat our spouse with respect, regardless of our suspicions. You need to live in "love" and trust Him unless something does happen, even then, as a believer, you need to live godly before him to help restore and build him up so he can conquer sin, just as he should for you regardless of the sin.
You didn't say he is a believer, so if he isn't and you are, you have to walk and handle things in a Christlike manner.
God bless
Related Resources
Comments
Post a Comment