13 yr old claims depressed & suicidal [due to not allowing video games & restrictions on doing what he wants to]
Q: Last night my 13 year old son came to my husband and I and said that he was feeling depressed and suicidal and has been for some time. He is saying that it is because he has nothing to look forward to and we don't let him do what he wants to do. (He wants unlimited time on video games when we only allow play on the weekends, but also he doesn't have a time limit as long as chores are done. He also wants to play in a pokemon tournament every Saturday and we said we would take him to one tournament a month because weekends are family time.)
I am at a loss of what to do. Our restrictions on Pokemon and gaming is what we think is best for him and our family but he doesn't see it. He gets addicted to the gaming. I have tried to get him involved with extra curricular activities like youth group, 4h and trail life but he doesn't want to do it but I do force him because my other 4 children are involved in these things. I even got him connected with the local college in the video game development department.
I'd appreciate prayers and any other advice you can give. We took and put the Nintendo in storage for the time being last night (before he expressed his feelings to us about being depressed). I am also looking in to counseling but I have been to secular counseling before and it often makes things worse.
A: It is possible he is just saying that to manipulate you. However since it cant be taken lightly, here is a biblical counselor resource. Christians need to go to counselors who hold our worldview and counsel from Scripture as it is our authority. I would schedule a session asap.
Gaming is an addictive drug. The gaming makes a dopamine addiction so they feel really depressed without the dopamine. You could replace it with a 🏃♂️ run every day, even as a family. Kids don't need tech based anything especially for entertainment and idle time. So itbis best to just eliminate it. It's just a product that businesses sell to make $ off people. They don't care about you or how it affects or destroys your life.
Q. Is he a professing believer? Because without Christ, he lives with no hope, has no purpose, and value in that distorted life without God. When we have Christ we can live out our life purpose, see our value, and have our identity restored, [and see it well in Christ].
If he is receptive to spiritual things, I would mention how gaming is an idol to him as it's his main love that he wants to base his life on. And God wants to be his first love and then his family.
If he is not saved, that is the starting convos to have before he goes to a counselor.
If he is saved, he needs to be guided to understand these things better, grow closer to God, conquer sins in his life, and read the Bible to live more like Christ daily. Believers need to reprioritize their lives to serve God and not ourselves. Yes rest and a bit of time to relax is OK but it's not to be what we pursue & desire most.
Believers Identity in Christ
His whole life is ahead of him. He's in the training up phase so he can go into the world [and serve & live for God]. His brain isn't fully developed either. Many males aren't till beyond age 25, some studies show its up to age 40. So this understanding, that everything continues in the future, and redirecting him to suitable non addictive leisure activities, is important.
Also he needs to understand that God's command is for children to honor and obey their parents. It doesnt mean obey if they want you to sin, but they're in charge of and stewards of the child to raise them up in the Lord and prepare them for life on their own. This has some resources on that for him.
In addition, not obeying God here, and on other sins he's committing related to the topic here or other areas, this is important for him to grasp. All sin is an assault againt God
Hope this helps.
God bless
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