Guidance if not wanting kids
On not wanting kids in today's world
Q: I’m confused. I’ve been back and forth between Protestant beliefs and Catholic beliefs and the one main difference that I’ve come across is the opinion on birth control in married relationships. It’s confusing me and stressing me out.
I’ve never felt called to have kids, but I’m in a 5+ year relationship with someone who I’d like to marry one day. I’m only 23 and he’s a year younger. Neither of us are in a position to get married right now due to life circumstances. We are not financially well off and I’ve been struggling with unemployment. Both of us still live at home with our parents.
Catholic and Christians believe that in order for a marriage to be valid, both parties need to be open to having kids. They believe that condoms and birth control pills are sinful because it doesn’t leave room for God’s will to be done. Protestants Ive talked to seem more open and lenient about the usage of contraceptives, but I'm not sure.
I’ve read that not wanting kids is selfish, but I just can’t justify bringing kids into this world. I always wished my parents would have never had me due to how bad this world is and also the circumstances I was born in. I did not have a pleasant life and I’m thankful my parents only had me. Due to the fact that I come from an impoverished family and finances will likely not get any better, mental illness is worse than ever for me, and I simply do not think I’d make a good mother, I just don’t think having kids would be a great idea for me. Yet, I’m scared that if I get married, I’ll be condemned to hell for simply preventing myself from having kids.
Can you bring light to my concerns or at least explain this concept a little more? I’m scared that Catholic and Orthodox teachings are correct that when I get married, sex inside my marriage will still be sinful since I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of being “open to life.”
A: There is a huge difference between Christianity and Catholicism. The big difference is in the Gospel. One has the true saving Gospel and one has a works based deceptive one that damns.
Sex in marriage is the only way God designed and blessed sex to be enjoyed in. Its only sinful if you do unholy & unnatural type things. Beyond that it isn't a sin but a blessing, sex in marriage is a gift from God to the couple.
If saved, or once pregnant, you'll probably desire to have kids. God gives us good desires, so you won't know until then. If it's not meant for you, God won't bless you with kids.
As far as kids, God is our Creator. He creates humans. He sends them into the world thru the womb; a fruit of the marriage bed. We have no right to try to stop God creating and plans for humans he wants in this world. That would be evil minded. A parents job is to birth, train them up in the Lord...and send them out in the world on their way to accomplish what God will do through them. We who serve God dont do what we want, or try to stop God, but like Mary and all believers (as examples to us in Scripture), we submit to God to do His will.
Further, This world has been a Fallen one full of Suffering since then. Its called life. But God is soverign, and everyone is born in their time for their purposes. We cant act in fear of or think people only should be born in a perfect world. Its not gonna happen here. So we are to be fruitful and multiply. Serving God not trying to thwart his plans, like Satan.
It would be good to understand who God is, who true believers are as Redeemed ones in Christ, and how He uses these things in this world in our sanctification good, bringing and keeping us closer to Him, while molding us to be more Christlike. 😊
Thus when we align to God's will in our life, we are blessed. Whether that means the wife stays home with the kids, and your career is on hold until empty nester years, that's your lot in life and expected submission to God in, and to your husband.
It's possible you were unaware of these things due to such a young age, but this is how it is, and any professing believer surrenders as a servant of God to do what He wants, and seeks to be guided by Him in life and service to our God, Savior and King.
May God bring understanding, peace and blessing to you on this.
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