Problems and battles as spouses, feeling a breaking point 😟
Q: I REALLY want to honor God and I truly hate divorce but when is enough enough?? I actually can't stand my husband most days he's a great provider he knows how to communicate mostly BUT he is constantly talking down on me I never leave, well I won't say never, but he rarely says anything uplifting he is constantly gas lighting me, throws things at me and when we get in heated arguments it's always my fault he will call me out of my name, he's never punched me but he has hit me with a pillow to the point where my neck was messed up, hes thrown me, hes thrown food away, again... its my fault which I can make things more heated in a way. In return ever since we've moved I barely have desire to cook anymore, and he loves food which causes issues. I dont even know who I am aside from being a wife and a mother..I do have an attitude problem I tend not to open up he things I'm being secretive but I just don't like the reactions... he justifies his angry because he's hungry or we are idiots and don't think things through. Today he yelled at our 9 year old son because he stayed home from school (flu going around) anyways he called him out of bed to eat and I guess my sons stomach starting feeling upset and he RAN to the trash (he tried his best) but it ended up getting some on the floor but most of it made it in the trash and once he was done with the heavy throw up i told him to go to the restroom and finish on the toilet, he is getting upset and as he was walking away said that's not what we do blah blah blah just dumb ass (I dont think my son heard it, he doesn't call them names like that in front of them, but still) I'm pissed and I start grabbing the paper towels to clean it up, once it's all clean I go in and out to grab the broom but I slam some doors and he says for me to stop slamming doors I finish head to the back to shower and he comes and follows me and says I'm not raising no babies they know how to hold their throw up, I say he's LITERALLY a child they don't know like we do, and you can talk to him and he YELLS at me and says I did talk to him, no sir you yelled and then called him and name... he got really irritated and said "you're finished". Stuff like this happens more than this incident I am so so tired of this I'm hurt but I truly don't want to make God angry but I also don't want my kids to grow up in this or me.. my parents had a toxic horrible relationship even to this day, he grew up in a stable home and environment he loves God i just don't understand... I don't like him touching me 9/10 and he says that I'm rude and a contention wife but sir you've created this environment i have so much animosity.. I'm so sad mad and hurt.
A: We live in a fallen world. I'm not sure if your husband is unsaved, professes but isn't growing in holiness, or if he's new and hasn't had discipleship & husbandry classes by the godly men in the mens group, or what.
The unsaved will always behave in their nature, they can't do anything else, until saved. Believers are different, having Christ's righteousness, so there will always be war or struggle between light and darkness. It won't change until both are born again by God.
I would suggest marriage counseling, and let them address his salvation and these issues, & leadership and love.
For you, you noted areas you know that you are fumbling in, and it shows in what you said too, so you also contribute to the environment at home too. So tighten those areas up, kill sins in your life, and be more godly minded and Christlike. These things take time, and God helps his children accomplish it. 😊
As to marriage, and the above, this has guidances & resources to help you grow and mature in your faith (also some noted below). That way you can show Christ's love better. It's not going to be an easy peasy road, if you're unequally yoked, it will always be a struggle. But its one your in and that you have to live in. And, your marriage can be what it's supposed to be, a reflection of the Gospel and about sanctification. Divorce should never be on your mind, and the very very very last option, (as it can put you in a situation where you can never marry again). [*The married section below further addresses divorce issues, as time won't allow for it here].
Specific sections that may help you for now are:
Resources for those married, & for women for godly living and spiritual growth
(scroll)
Unequally Yoked Resources for Living godly before your husband
Helps for killing specific sin in Your life can be found here(1), but also deeper education & guidance on sin issues (2&3).
And, watch the movie War Room. To help you pray on the marriage issues of yall as a couple.
Personally, Stay close to God through Scripture daily, and to guide you in spiritual growth. And be active at your local bible church.
May God change you both, repair and restore your marriage.
God bless
Verses to meditate on:
Proverbs 13:20: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."
Ecclesiastes 7:12: "For wisdom is a defense
Matthew 10:16 "Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves."
Spouse Verses:
Colossians 2:6-8 reminds us:
"Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
And these
Titus 2:4-5
4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 31:10-12
10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
Titus 2:4-5
4 ... urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
1 Peter 3:3-4
3 Your adornment must not be merely external... but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Proverbs 12:4
4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
These verses collectively emphasize the value, trustworthiness, and moral character of a godly wife, highlighting her role in supporting and enriching her husband's life.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14
12 ... if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
1 Peter 3:1-2
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
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