Both committed adultery with prostitutes but wife has hard time forgiving, & neglect issue.
Q:I am afraid to say this but how do I stop my heart from feeling like I don’t want to love my husband for what he did . When I did the “same “ thing .
My husband was seeing prostitutes for the last 4 years . And held it from me till the beginning of March this year.
And I revealed my secret to him that I was unfaithful to him . By sexting other men over the phone and sharing explicit pictures of me and masturbating .
I held the secret from him until about a year ago and told him.
We both were being unfaithful to each other around the same time . We were not in a good place at all . We were both drinking together at night and had two little ones at the time. And he slept with the first prostitute aroundd this time i was sexting other men .
We were both lustful due to the fact that we both indulged in pornography way before we met each other . I was introduced at 9 and him probably in his teen years but the unfaithfulness didn’t come from this for me .
I justified my unfaithfulnessss because I was trying to self protect from the pain from him lusting after other women and watching porn while married with me having all of his kids and his lack of love and affection . So it’s like I told myself I’ll do it before he does it .
He stopped showing my love and affection after I first cheated on him because I felt wronged and jealous or angry that I gave my virginity to him but he didn’t tell me he wasn’t a virgin and that he had already slept with people before me . I couldn’t handle it and that carried over into the marriage and caused him to continue to seek porn and ultimately sleep with prostitutes in our marriage . And his refusal to show me love and affection caused me to seek for it in other men. And fall back into masturbation and porn .
I did repent and come to Jesus.
But I still feel the weight of my sin . And two years after this I stopped sinning against God myself and my husband , I still felt the emptiness and lack of Love and affection from my husband . But little did I know that he was avoiding me because he was seeing prostitutes and watching porn still .
And the lack of love and affection and connection with my husband was killing me inside and I told him that I felt that I couldn’t be with him anymore and would mention divorce. And then he told me that I was right to feel how I feel because he had been paying prostitutes .
And he asked for forgiveness and accepted Christ . And has been sharing his location with me , and he is trying hard to read his Bible and grow closer to God but I’m still stuck with the Jelousy and anger and frustration that he was with other “women “ and paid for it .
I said I forgive him but my heart is still stuck . And I feel stuck and I know I’d be sinning by not forgiving. And I ask God to help me forgive . 😕
And I know I have been forgiven for my mistakes so why can’t I forgive . But I still feel like I am not good enough or woman enough for him . I feel angry because I went through so much for him . I had 3 of his babies and a miscarriage . I cook , clean and care and raise his babies and all i felt that he he did was work 8 hours , lust , and sleep , and didn’t spend time with me or the kids for the last 8 years . And now he feels the weight of his sin and wants to turn around and make things right but I feel like I don’t even know how to appreciate the little things he does now . Now he cleans and cooks and watches the kids . But I feel like this is what he should have been doing for the last 8 years and I am stuck with the bitterness
A: I suggest a good marriage biblical counselor for both of you. And a deep dive into God's holiness and expectation of believers holy living. This includes info on forgiveness, live and grace. And "go sin no more" by conquering those problem areas.
Further heres some video helps on recovering from infidelity. God is in the restoration business ✨️
A biblical counselor can help you both with the issues you've mentioned, all of it, and help you both realign to godly living. If he's not saved, they will check & help address that too.
Also, you both can review the Gospel to ensure you both are really saved. Many follow a false gospel and arent regenerated. They may have worldly sortow but not godly sorrow that brings salvation. If saved, move forward in holiness, and put the past in the past. Going forward with a much stronger, and maturing marriage relationship, and ficusing on that; God transforming you both.
Further I hope these marriage resources help on your journey.
God bless
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