Concerned bf/fiance has wandering eye

Q: My boyfriend of a year who was about to propose to me confessed to me that he sometimes looks at women when we are out and admires their beauty even one he thought was hot and looked at her boobs for a moment and then looked away. 4 times he said. He said he notices their beauty but doesn’t lust. Ive also caught him do it several times.  This hurts me and makes me feel inadequate. I’m almost 40 and all these girls were around 20. It makes me feel old, unattractive, and like I’m not good enough for him. It’s like he’s saying “because he didn’t lust” it’s okay. But to me I didn’t dream of marrying a man who admires other women’s beauty any time they walk by. For me if the hottest man in the world walked by I wouldn’t even glance or care. It wouldn’t faze me. They’re invisible. All men but him are invisible to me. Why can’t he love me the same way? I see through a spiritual lens not of the flesh. I see love. And that makes everyone else unattractive to me or invisible. I don’t feel I’m the girl of his dreams. Guiding advice?

A: How many and what sins do you struggle with and what ones haven't you fully conquered yet?

Men struggle with lust. Is he saved? Without the Holy Spirit he has no new nature, no spiritual life, no fruit of the Spirit which believers have. 

If saved then by the above we have the righteousness in the inner man to fight sin. Men need to grow in self control in areas of sexual thoughts, lusts, desires and actions so they can live pure before God as single or married. 

It is just an area of sin he needs to conquer. We all have areas to have victory over. 
This resource has info on those topics and there's a book by Emeal Zwayne noted there that you might gift him after having that convo. It can help encourage him to walk in holiness before God. 


If he's not saved you cannot date him so share the Gospel and leave if he doesn't turn to Christ [to be saved] (and as He is whom you love). 

God bless

Related
Dating resources 
Marriage topics to grasp

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nothetic Biblical Counseling ⭐

Image
Find a professional Biblical Counselor.  Many times and situations your pastor is not going to be able to help you and you need to be redirected to a professional.  Pastors counseling is basically intense discipleship and guidance more actual counseling. That work is to be left to professionals.  Self-Counseling: This assistance is available & recommended if you do not need professional help. Go through these before seeking professional help, unless it is an urgent situation of abuse you are looking to flee from.  Should I seek out medication or keep working on my issues Professional Counseling: Worldly Therapists do not model their counseling after Jesus Christ, and their theology and methodology are devoid of Christ and His care. Christians need to seek out professional biblical counselors . Our guidance comes from the authority of God thru the Scriptures.  Not all Counseling is Equal   & how to select a counselor Christians have...
Read more

Dating and Boundaries *

Image
Resources and FAQ are further below. * Before going through the below, if you have BPD or Bipolar , you need to conquer that before you should get into any relationship. Or a abusive/sexual trauma in your past that hasnt been dealt with, you need to take care of it through biblical counseling before you get into any relationship because both issues will harm & destroy any relationship you start. Don't date nor marry until you've completed biblical counseling and are free of this and your past 🙏. If you are already dating someone, I highly recommend you start seeing a prof biblical counselor right away, to conquer these issues quickly, so you can live free and a normal life, that can end up in a good and steady marriage with Christ at the center.  ============================== Resources here are for believers, and offers guidance for those in unequally yoked relationships.  DATING, BOUNDARIES & RESOURCES ====Dating Boundaries and Resources==== Today the way people i...
Read more

Fornication led to pregnancy

Q: Recently I sinned by fornicating again. I did ask forgiveness from God for being unfaithful again. I thought God had forgiven me (& I’m no longer participating in such activities). I had just repented and made the effort to turn from evil, but...just found out I’m pregnant. It was one brief moment!! Really and truly I cannot believe I’ve went backwards like that and my life feels ruined. I don't understand. Did God truly forgive me? Should I stop praying, because I knew better but I didn’t do better. I said yes to my flesh and now it’s costing me. I’m willing to lose everything else, but to lose Jesus because of my sin - I really cannot bare the thought. A: You dont stop praying because things dont go your way. Prayer is to align you to God's will, (not for him to act as a genie who does what you want). You becoming pregnant wasn't a punishment from God; it was basic natural outcomes of happens when humans have sex. You know Scripture teaches sex was designed only ...
Read more