Desires to leave neglectful husband
Q: I'm at the point where i want to leave my husband. I feel terrible but i don’t know what to do. im so unhappy. for years i have been telling him my needs. we spend no quality time together (we just literally watch tv in our room at night), he’s always staring at his phone and ignores me. i will be speaking to him and he’ll ignore me a half the time. when i walk downstairs in the morning he doesn’t even look at me. he just looks at his phone…for a while without acknowledging me. We have 3 young kids…so i need quality time at the end of the night. i feel so unloved and unwanted. i just told him again today that he didn’t even acknowledge me this morning and after an hour of him staring at his phone sitting on the couch... he then came up to me and hugged me. he said i expect him to roll down a red carpet and say my queen has arrived.
He screams at me at times. he calls me names at times. i honestly feel like he might manipulate me too. he tells me if i leave im never going to find anyone because that person is going to get sick of me and leave too. i don’t know what to do. i’m falling out of love with him. i told him that today. he just doesn’t care. he told me the feeling is mutual.
A: Marriage isnt about happiness but about God sanctifying you, and you both serving Christ. If unequally yoked the latter won't happen. And your stuck. You have to obey God and live godly before him so you can lead him towards Christ by your life, and at some point probe him towards sharing the Gospel. Until he's saved he won't have right desires. He will only live selfishly, sinfully and not as God designed. So you have to live Christ-minded regardless of how he acts, speaks etc. Fortunately your family of God in the church are the other people in your life you can surround yourself with and fellowship and be friends with. Invite them over, hang out, talk faith and family etc. And integrate them into your life.
If he is a believer, he is to pursue holy living, gladly recieve counsel, admonishing, exhorting and calls to correction so he can examine himself and make changes in pursuit of holiness.
Is he a professing believer? Are you both members at a local church? Have you sought the counsel of your Pastor, and counseling together with him, as well as a biblical counselor to help guide you both?
Time apart should only be regulated by the counselor, so it's purpose is goal related,... not to let him go live how he wants, in sin and neglect, and do further sins like adultery.
Biblical counseling is what you both need. Idk if you're a member at a local church and active there, but if not, you need to start immediately. Even if it's only you going. And be reading Scripture daily, to get and stay close to God and for Him to guide you into holy living, growing your faith. Likewise get some light counsel from your pastor, but go to a professional for ongoing long term guidance.
Let your pastor come over for dinner and an intervention of sorts to start counseling him, even if he's unsaved, or refuses to go see him or get any counseling anywhere. Have his wife come with him or another godly man from church [for his safety].
Living godly and for Christ at home, sets an example to your kids and to him for how a believer is to behave. Feel free to let your husband know that "Things havdnt been right for a while between us, and sin is the cuplrit -in both our lives. But while I have likely failed to live in pursuit of holy living, being a good Christian example, and to love my husband as I should, by allowing bitterness and sadness take over from feeling neglected, not loved rightly, not treated rightly by you, that even so, I intend to actively pursue a more godly Christ focused life, to make changes, so you can see more of Christ in me, and I will trust that God can save our marriage, restore us to who we could be, and will leave it all in God's hands, whatever the outcome. I hope you self examine too, and choose to seek God and actively pursue making the right changes in yourself,so you also are pursuing such. Would you like to join me in prayer on this, so we can strive to have the best marriage possible, rekindle live, and be blessed?"
Regardless, you pray right then, hands clasped and in silence [if he refused]. What you said to him above might cause him to think and consider. But he will be watching you, and will notice changes. Strive purposefully every day to grow in the Faith, kill sin in your life, and bless your husband.
These resources will help you as you go on this journey.
And these:
Divorce & Remarry warning
God bless
Verses to meditate on:
Proverbs 13:20: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."
Ecclesiastes 7:12: "For wisdom is a defense
Matthew 10:16 "Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves."
Spouse Verses:
Colossians 2:6-8 reminds us:
"Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
And these
Titus 2:4-5
4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 31:10-12
10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
Titus 2:4-5
4 ... urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
1 Peter 3:3-4
3 Your adornment must not be merely external... but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Proverbs 12:4
4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
These verses collectively emphasize the value, trustworthiness, and moral character of a godly wife, highlighting her role in supporting and enriching her husband's life.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14
12 ... if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
1 Peter 3:1-2
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Comments
Post a Comment