Honoring parents & not cutting them off
Q: I'm struggling with the commandment honor thy mother and thy father.
What if they do not honour or show you respect? Are you just supposed to be treated like garbage by them but yet be oh so kind and loving to them in return anyways? What if there is years of emotional abuse.
Thank goodness my step-dad has now been sober 2 years but there was years of trauma throughout my entire childhood. I'm now 33.... and now my mom drinks and if she has a bad day im the one getting messages at midnight being her punching bag. I have 3 babies under 3 they dont visit much despite them both being retired and only live a few hours away. Which saddens me because my oldest son loves his gma but shes never there. She didnt even show up for my first childs birth which really hurt. She seems to think ive ruined her life and that ive bled them dry because they helped pay for my first car, school, and other things most parents help with. I moved out at 16 and started working at 14 because they used money to manipulate. If I said anything about their drunkenness or things that happened then I was an ungrateful little B because how could I say those things when they spoiled me with clothes or an outing ect. So I decided to make my own money so they couldn't use it against me. Anyways I have been reading the Bible, but dont know it super well yet. Is there anything saying if your parents treat you poorly you don't have to just take it and be nice despite being crapped on?
A: Sinners are going to sin. It is their nature and they can do nothing else. That's really important to grasp as early as possible as a believer.
I could go on and in about how my family situation was growing up, unloved, unwanted since age 3 when my mom married a guy w kids and had one together, not being treated as a family member, ignored, not getting things His kids got and being blamed for all they did, to being kicked out the day of hs grad (without a penny or any info on how to live, no where to go, in the boonies, etc), and dumped at grandparents every weekend so they could go off for "family" time. Did bare minimum and were just waiting till the day they could get me out of their lives. But God cared for me, (sort of like Abraham's illegitimate child was treated), but as one born again, God was with me. He has helped me through endless enduring never ending struggle and problems with them for near 50 years. I can only do my best, trust God and keep onwards. Ultimately if they are saved, eternity will be sin free and I wont ever have to have the heartbreak, tears and etc that comes with this, and the problems with all of them. You can't do anything about their behavior, you can only focus on your own mindset and behaviors in response to them, and trust God, pray for them, and (though you shouldnt have to) do your best not to cause any problems that leads to their bad behavior, so theres some sort of peace. They dont care, and yes youre going to extreme lengths and not able to just be yourself. But if they wanted a real relationship and wanted you to be you, they wouldn't be how they are. Many parents love and doot on their kids. Most dont. I would rather have God's loving care over me than anyone else.
This will help as you navigate relationships:
*includes conflict resolution, and related topics too
None of us are perfect, were fallen people in a fallen world. The unsaved behave dif than the saved; theres always unequally yoked issues as light and darkness repellent and war against (like reverse magnets). We have to look at things from God's and righteous perspective, knowing also we cant expect transformed behavior from those not born again. Like God who loved us while we were still His enemies, we too need to struve to be holy in how we deal with others, and pursue them in love as we minister to and are shining the light of Christ in their lives... with the hope of leading them to Christ.
This can help you minister to them.
These can help as you grow in the Faith. It will save you a lot of growth pains. And will help you minister while articulating through Faith well.
●Know the Essential truths of Christianity
●Understand the Gospel clearly
●Solidify your Faith
●Resources to Grow well
https://www.gotquestions.org/essentials-Christian-faith.html
http://believersanswers.blogspot.com/2025/02/essentials-of-christianity.html
http://longertweets.blogspot.com/2022/08/ccc-investigate.html
And, this can help as you raise your own kids.
God bless
Ps.
As to moms midnight drunk messagings... set "do not disturb" on your phone from 9pm to 8am. You can let your dad's number come thru as a favorite/authorized in case of emergency. And tell your mom you will delete any messages she sends when drunk and are not avail after 9pm. That way she knows you are not going to look, and might stop eventually.
Certian boundaries are ok to set as a believer, totally cutting them off isnt one of them. Even unbelievers care and stay connected to unsaved family, we should do so "much more" and "better" then they do. Which is Christlike.
Also, find a local Bible focused church to be in active members at. God calls us to gather there for discipleship, worship and serving Him there. Christianity isnt a solo life, its community and under shepherding leaders who help us live holy, and help hold us accountable to it.
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