Seperation from spouse led to adultery and possibly a child
Q: Me and husband decided to separate but the whole time apart he wanted to come back... but I were so hurt by what caused the separation, that I denied him all access to me. 6 months later I to missed him, and want him to come back. Then he asks to come back again, but I didn't made it clear that I want him to come back. Around that time 💔 he told me that it’s a possibility that he has a baby on the way. Meaning he broke the marriage covenant, committed adultery, didn't even use protection, and now there's probably a child from that sexual sin.
How would you feel or what would you do?
A: Sinners sin. That's not a usually biblical accepted reason to kick them out and seperate. Plenty of marriages are unequally yoked. And, you didnt say why you seperated, which plays a key in giving counsel.
We arent to live our lives focused on uncontrolled emotions, but be soberminded, and to have our minds and hearts saturated by the Word, so we can be led on the Holy path. To get input from godly counsel of shepherd leaders in our church too.
Seperation is supposed to be very short term, "to go to God in prayer and seek answers in the Word", and through your pastor and counselors. Short term to prevent a spouse seeking out other people in sexual sin.
Before separating did you seek counseling by your pastor, for both of you? Or go through Biblical counseling to guide on the issue?
If not and seperation wasnt done biblically, properly and lasted a long time, he went off and committed secret sins. Then both are at fault here. There's consequences from the fallout you'll both have to live with, but God can still repair and restore. ✅️✝️
#1 do not commit adultery on him! If you do, not only is it sin, but it severs you from marrying again.
Scripture calls us to be the example of Christ, to live out the Gospel. Like Hosea. We are to be forgiving and restoration seekers. Not cut someone off in divorce and try to live out our dream life. Sin sucks, as does our bad decisions.
I do suggest you obey Scripture to join back to your husband, hopefully he repents and puts that woman away (even if he fathered a kid cuz he is its father). If he divorces or abandons you, you cant do naught about it but move on. If hes willing to come back, then live in peace with him, unequally yoked or not. I cant imagine a Saved man doing what he did, vs fighting for the marriage. But be the godly wife God in Scripture calls you to be.
But, Do also go seperately and together to a biblical counselor. Yall need help working thru this, and is a blessing to have such support and help✨️. Call them today.
Yes if he has a kid, and remains unsaved, you'll likely have reccuring adultery happening, cuz hes not born again. He follows his sin nature desires. And in having to raise that kid, he has to be in its life, thus making for potential constant adultery opportunities, even if you put up boundaries for eliminating contact (and having neutral parties drop off and pick up thr child for his visitation rights). You'll need to stay strong vigilant cuz you never know, and until hes saved... thst's the way it will be. There's also now financial $ going to that kid, (for 18-26 years), that takes $$$$ away from your and any kids you have together 💔. Also, do get him std checked before any intimacy with him, (and get std checks for you, regularly).
These other resources can be helpful guides too on the topic.
Divorce & Remarry;
Preventing Divorce playlist
Recovering from infidelity; Recovering from Infidelity with Christ
Infidelity video playlist
I would also share the Gospel with him, in your discussions on Him returning home. It might be the only time he will listen seriously and consider it. If God saves him, transformation makes all the diff in the world going forward. Be patient, forgiving and gracious in all your dealings with him, because were all growing into maturity, whether saved or not.
Theres convo tips in here to help guide that conversation. But a rejection of the Salvation Jesus offers is no excuse to not take him back. He is your husband.
*If you had seperated for serious crime and/or crime things related to your children, you Def need a biblical counselor guiding you. And pastor/church community support. Cuz theres things here to work out and decide. There are times it might make sense to seperate for life, not divorce, not date (nor have intimacy with anyone again) and when he dies you can remarry... a godly saved man. The counselor will guide in your situation. (I can't advise on that, cuz I'm not a professional counselor). I can only give godly guidance as a older fellow believer, in light counsel, based on what I know.
Unequally Yoked Resources for living godly before your husband.
🫂We know you're not perfect either and made a big mistake here, & need to grow too. We all do. Just Hope and Persevere in Christ. Heres helps for Believers Growth into Maturity in Living out the Faith to bless you. It can help you build a good relationship, as far as your responses and behaviors to him, even if he is unsaved. It can draw him to Christ.
God bless
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