Affair w coworker


Q: So within the last couple weeks I found out my husband had a month long affair with his co-worker. Before finding out, I had mention numerous times that I felt like they were building an emotional attachment to one another but my words kept getting brushed off by him. 

Me and him were having issues for months beforehand and I was less than encouraging due to my own lack of healing. Did I push him to a point of feeling like someone else wanted him? After finding out, we went to marriage counseling the next day, and I stayed for a week. 

Now I’m at my moms 4 hours away with our daughters. I want to work it out and he kind of does too, but I think he mostly wants to not miss out on the relationship with our daughters. He’s kind of begging me to come back at this point. 

He works in law enforcement and owes the department a year of commitment so he can’t quit his job and still has to work with the woman he had an affair with. His chief handled the situation professionally and they both got wrote up.

Am I terrible if I don’t rush back? Or should I rush back so he can have the relationship with our daughters? He’s a good dad and beforehand, was a good husband.


A: There's probably hope here. But
He needs to show true real repentance. I think he needs his heart to be broken….badly. Sometimes it’s takes rock bottom for God to work in them. Is he seeking God for help, forgiveness and change? Also, he needs to choose his family over a career. The woman he had an affair with Is there!!! Absolutely he needs to get away. can’t he be transferred or something? Talk to his boss. Perhaps>> if he cannot transfer under the circumstances, that he not be allowed around her nor other staff women and needs to be assigned with men "straight" partners, and not be allowed to be alone with women, as part of the discipline. Ask it to be amended as such, (and if u can swing it.... to "require" him to go to counseling with his wife; from start thru completion of it. >> that way you control who you all go see, and he takes it seriously).

Tbh how can you trust him even when he works in the community. 

Get him tested for std's, and go to counseling. I would make him date you again though for a long time before he can get back in the sheets again. And dont give in on that (or he will think he can be slick and you will just let him back in over and over). Just go slow, and make it very clear>> next time it’s a divorce & child support and alimony. 

In OT times In Israel and early NT thru 70AD I dont think these were typical issues. Israel lived strictly under 10C and the nations laws upheld it seriously. Today, in West, because of sex revolution of 1960s US and Western cultures moved towards sexual sins of all kinds and since 2006 and 2013 it has been on an astronomical projection across every area of our society so it is very very depraved now and easy for men to move at warpspeed as predators, and fixate sexually, even if married. 

It is hard to find a godly man today, and esp since too many profess to be Christian but are false converts or just go along with it for their wife; they dont have faith IN Christianity only roughly a view OF. And the diff is Heaven vs Hell. 

Def needs a salvation check. 
Def needs to get his ship in shape (life), and tighten his parachute (faith) if he claims to be a believer. If not one, he needs to get saved. Without the radical transformation by God he wont have a righteous nature.

Working through this could bring you both closer to the Lord, so be patient, but firm that he needs to deal with this rightly. And you need to be firm but loving in a serious stand on this issue.

One benefit to show seriousness is he was humbled by his boss and everyone there knows about it. He has been knocked down a peg. So it is a good time to build him up but in the faith and ways of the Lord, for a good future. You can work to overcome it, be the best godly witness and wife you can be, but he needs to know that even if it gets resolved, he will rightly have to live with the fact that he forever damaged your trust and he has to live knowing that, and he made you that way. You do need to be loving, forgiving, gracious etc as a believer but not be walked all over. 

I would advise biblical counseling for you both individually and then together. You need to approach this from a Christian worldview. And request that sexual sins including lust, porn, images, phones, computers, social media & accts, not being alone with a female, etc should be included in that. 

Find a certified Biblical Counselor 
https://biblicalcounseling.com/find-a-counselor

Self Examination 
http://longertweets.blogspot.com/2022/10/self-examination.html


P.s.How will this damage your children, and how will you raise them in light of this? For the girls they will believe no men are trustworthy. For boys this needs to be a serious lesson.

For If you have sons, you need to educate them well on the damage this does to a marriage, and family, extended family, friends, your job and people there, your church, pastor, his mom, and brings his mom to be re victimized and distraught damaging her much further bcuz he chose the life damaging decision that ripples to everyone else, etc, and that he seriously screws himself over for life if he messes with sexual sins. Teach what Scripture teaches on this from OT to NT and how it affects you. They should understand this by age 10 because todays kids move at warp speed and are influenced by warped depraved worldly children if you allow them friendships with those not Christian and not being raised in true Christian homes, and entertainment if you are not monitoring it and teaching biblical worldview on why we dont watch and play games and entertain like the world, but also by 9 or 10 boys get exposed to porn, unless you are raising them/with strict boundaries/parental controls/no internet, no phones, no internet devices etc, and parental active involvement is tight in all these areas. We need to go to great lengths today including homeschooling and no public school. 

Additional advice 

Sexual sins - understand this 


The Gospel 
NeedGod.com 





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