Sex before marriage, after a divorce?

Q: It’s bad to have sex before marriage even if you were already married but then got divorced and for example your in your mid 30s would that still be a sin?

A: Yes. A few things to note to help you going forward. 

While that whole thing sounds complicated, but here’s how you should think about it: 
1. It is a sin to have sex with anyone you aren’t married to. Take the story of the Woman at the Well in John 4. She had married and divorced 5 husbands and was now sleeping with a man she wasn’t married with, and Jesus pointed that out as a sin she was living in. Does it mean she couldn’t be forgiven? No but her life needed to change so her life choices would fall into line with what God commands & expects; He designed us to be living in righteousness, and believers are to do so. 

But also 2. we need to recognize the woman at the well wasnt a believer until after Jesus talked w her. 

So holy living *after* salvation is important. If you were "saved" before that divorce, and you divorced for reasons "other than" he abandoned you or he had affair, then you can't marry again [which also means seeing men/dating is to be avoided; since dating basically replaced courtship cuz its point is all steps to marriage], and if you are seeing people (which likely how it lead to sex) it should be repented of and avoided going forward. 

[If you are a false convert who is getting right with God for real today then only the below applies]. 

If you divorced *before* you got saved and are dating then you need to repent of the sexual stuff because we are to live holy, and going forward...you need protections in place (chaperones & never being alone together) when seeing someone. But also you need to grasp/see any dating as modern "courting to marry" but also need to *only* interact with a mature godly man. If they "are not" mature (incl. has a daily focus on Scripture, living holy, not sinning, no sex before marriage; discussions you need to have prior to dating) > then avoid them. And seek out mature (bible following) believers and pastors to help you find godly men whom you can get to know (with a chaperone) so you can find one acceptable to marry. 

If you continually have or continue to have sex (and do whatever) it points to probability that you arent saved [a false convert] and would need to get that sorted out. Otherwise it points to immaturity in the faith and you need to correct yourself and your mindset and align to what God told us in Scripture... which means you need to open the Bible and be focused on studying "godly living" for the next several months and put into practice (obey God) what you learn. Memorize verses too. And *after that* read books for believers related to right living. And then read on principles and godly advice on dating & boundaries (linked below). 


Sexual sins - understand this 


*seek out the books on right living, and ones on relationships in the above links. 

I hope this blesses you as you submit to the Lord and follow him as your Savior. 

> bookmark this page, and file under Christian/Christian living/Counseling/Relationships/ and then under Dating or Godly Living... so you can easily find it, to go through *all* the linked materials.

God bless 🙂


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