BF/Fiance is an unbeliever help convert
Q: My boyfriend is a non-believer and i dont really know what to do. I date to marry and we are already a year deep into the relationship. We talk about marriage and life after we graduate (which is coming up) all the time and its just fine, but when I discuss my faith, he gets super argumentative and insulting even when im being respectful about my faith. I found God while being with him and he’s not very happy or supportive about it. I want a relationship with God being the center but I also dont want to leave him. What do I do? I feel like I’m drowning.
For further context, I have tried to turn him to Christ very slowly and subtly over the course of our relationship, but it seems as though the more Christ comes into my life, the further he runs.
A: Well God has been clear we are not to be unequally yoked. Better to lose a year then live very miserably for the next 80!
There is one thing you can try to do before you cut it off and bounce...and you are doing it. A lot of times people have misconceptions about God and Christianity. Try to probe through questions with him. 👉Best to invite a solid mature believer(*) over who is good at apologetics and sharing the gospel so you can have those convos. It is good to get some help here because most times you cannot break through the ice without help otherwise that ship will sink. You do not need to think you can do it alone. But you do need to realize you will need to get in the lifeboat and survive even if he chooses to drown.
Many issues can be resolved about Jesus, God and Christianity by clearing up false things they heard or learned in the past.
This info can be a great help!!
So, look through it and then meet him. You have had convos before so just have at it. Give it your best go. Do it lovingly and dont respond in ways that cause arguments [besides the gospel generally being offensive to those who hate God].
When you meet:
1. Note humbly that you know you have professed Christ but were being a hypocrite by living in sin but you are not going to entrap yourself in a lifetime of sinful disobedience to God and will now walk rightly. This was a wakeup call.
2. focus that meet up on asking him the main issue(s) he has with his current understanding that is holding him back from following Christ [and pop over/go here to go through/share the answer with him as you talk/discuss]. Be patient and kind.
Then share this to clarify the Gospel
and just caringly ask "what would possibly prevent you from receiving this gracious offer God has provided for us in Jesus?"
And if he agrees with it ask him when he will get right with God? And if he hym-haws probe to say "why delay? Why not right now? Since you could die in 5 minutes, on your way home or in your sleep tonight and then it is too late. If a loving God offers this to you now to secure your salvation, wouldnt it be best and wise to grab it right now?"
You can also ask further something like:
The real reason people push away or push off is because they love sin. There's no sin so valuable its worth giving up your eternity.
You could ask him the eye question too. To help bring reality to him. And give serious thought to his salvation need.
If he reluctantly accepts it you need to boldly [like a come to Jesus intervention] "clarify that he cannot do this for me [you the gf] but only if he is truly embracing the gospel, because it is an issue between him and God. But also not embracing the Gospel will seperate us because even though I sinned [and its led us to where we are] I cant be with an unbeliever." This will make sure hes not faking it to hold onto youuu. He cannot have a fraudulant conversion, nor reasons other than honestly getting right with God.
If he is totally opposed after getting answers (where he no longer has an excuse and has heard a clear gospel presentation)... you will need to end that relationship. You just have to do it. When you depart thank him for meeting with you to discuss this. Then once you are gone...You can let him know by text [because you can put it in words very clearly] that "I have something important to say today. I need to bring our relationship to a close; Jesus is the world to me and if you have no interest in Him then you have no interest in me, and because the life I live centers on Christ there is no way we are compatible together, and God has been clear I cannot be unequally yoked, so we need to part ways. I have tried over time to help you have your Come to Jesus moment and hoped it would happen for your own sake, but you rejected Him. I am happy to discuss this in person, but I won't change my mind; since I serve Christ and will be obedient to him (whom I love and will spend eternity with)." And have a church sister with you when he wants to meet up if he desires to meet. This is a protection [someone there in general] so he can't try to delay the break up and pull you away from God by tempting/dangling you with his so called "love" or "marriage". If he really loved you he would respect your faith and since he doesn't he also doesnt respect you. He is hoping you will follow after him and not Him; dashing your faith after marriage and conforming you to his idea of marriage-- which is not under the spiritual leadership of one who loves Christ, which means he will not run the home as a leader who loves you as Christ loves the Church. And it will be a place devoid of God and goodness and His blessing. Christians cannot join hands with nor marry Satan's children. Plus marrying him would lead to disaster and openly living in rebellion to God. No true believer would do that.
God will lead you to a godly man who loves the Lord. Never settle for trash when you can have treasure.
Here are resources to help
Helps various
*Find a mature believer in your church or that you know of who can answer his questions such as your youth pastor, a decon or a young but very solid person in apologetics and the gospel. Make sure their understanding of the gospel includes: the Holiness of God, Sin revealed, repentance being a forsaking if sin (turning from it), and that God offers forgiveness and salvation through Christ [that Jesus paid the fine in full] and the offer comes by God's grace and grace alone. You can copy the italics part to ask in texting or by convo to confirm. Because you do not want someonwme who thinks theyre goid at apologetics and the gospel if they hold to a unbiblical understanding of the gospel. Theres many false churches and teachings out there today.
Since he is a guy find one who is a guy to help you. And preferably one already married so there's a sense of safety and seoeration between you. His wife could come over but would be best if she is in a diff room chilling just for precaution. Since you are a female.
And saturate yourself and your encounters in prayer; pray before and after each encounter, contact, searching for a gospel helper etc. And if you need to end the relationshop too. Trusting that God has way better plans for your life.
God bless.
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