Counsel around sexual sins
Sexual sin, other sins, a connected relationship and need to be right with God
Q: I'm 18 years old, I've always been seen as the "good Christian kid" though I hate to admit I've never actually discovered God. I've always struggled to believe.
The last few years I've struggled extremely with sin, I was online and did some horrendous stuff related to sexual sins, I was drawn into it, continued doing ), and fell into a cycle of porn... which then led to stealing lying and other bad things for me to be able to aid this addiction.
I feel horrendous that not only have I sinned, and denied God so many times, but I've also tempted hundreds of guys (through inappropriate videos) into them sining as well.
Then I met a great guy I become best friends with at a Christian camp and fully told him all of this from start to finish. He's be a good friend, but now he likes me as more than a friend...and so keeps doing inappropriate things towards me over face time (which I confess I like). He has a lot of personal battles and struggles of his own but I really need help and advice.
For context the reason I got myself into bad situations online in the first place is ill admit I'm a loner. I have no friends in school or anything and although my youth group is large I've aged out and all the other youth are under 14.
I've tried to take my own life on a few occasions and everything's just too much. I feel like God doesn't love me anymore and I'm past being helped.
A: So this really is a lot and a whole mess. But unsaved people have messy lives. There is several counseling and helps here and you would do well to seriously look at all of them. It will really help you. And no you are not past being helped. The good news for you is actually in the gospel of Christ!🙂
But since you are now an adult you need to get your life straightened out, right now.
You can take Judas path where he had worldly sorrow and was damned, or choose like Peter to have godly sorrow and recieve restoration with God.
The first thing I would do is 👉get right with God. Once we are actually saved then God has made us a new creation and not only are your Sinful thoughts, desires and behaviors instantly changed, but God wipes them away through Christ in forgiveness. So when a person gets saved they now love righteousness and hate sin. It is why the NT talks explains "such WERE some of you." For most if not all believers they immediately stop the wicked things they were doing before, because they fear God now and have been changed by Him.
So here are a few things to help you to get right with God.
If you really do believe in God and Jesus then Understand the Gospel clearly and obey it. (One time event)
If you need Reasonable evidence before you will believe in God here is consideration towards it. So ask yourself... Does the world look like there was an intelligent designer? Yes. Does DNA show us thst designer? Yes. Do we all have a moral compass? Yes. Does history show the Bible is true? Yes. Well thst is reasonable evidence. (Lower link offers in depth examination). So then nothing should stop you from getting right with your Creator God right now. 🙏
After you get saved, immediately delete everything off your phone, computer, devices, and anywhere any of those sexual things were uploaded. Delete your messages too and any comments anywhere that are publicly available (unless you delete those apps fully such as only fans and porn sites) and it is gone. Block those porn sites on your browser, include snapchat, twitch, omegle and reddit and anywhere you were in sexual forums or websites. Annnd when you get a chance asap find out how you can set parental locks on your computer, devices, and phones to not allow access to a ton of those websites (and those kind in general) then forget the password!
Delete social media apps such as snapchat, omegle, and tocktok [if you participated in that stuff there]. Totally remove your presence from there. 💥
And stay away from tv shows, movies with any sexual themes, worldly music, and news of any kind for the year. Do a entertainment cleanse dump. 💥
Block all the people on social media on other accounts such as instagram, facebook, twitter etc whom you engaged in those things, so you have a clean slate.
Now locking off your access to those places you only have to ensure you do not engage in that online again or in real life. Be sensitive to it and look away. Even if someone is not dressed modestly look away and do not engage them in conversations, even if they are at church. You still have the battle of the mind and temptations you will need to be sensitive to, so until you fully conquer that and it is no longer an issue, absolutely no longer an issue, then you can be at peace having victory over it and never be interested in it if temptation comes your way.
Only look at Christian and righteous stuff. Delete any unnecessary groups from your Facebook acct. And unfriend any unbelievers in your age group unless closest family.
Regarding that guy from church
... block him and never have anything to do with him not only did you mess up and tell him all your secret sins, instead of a biblical counselor, he can use it against you. Plus he is clearly not saved because he participated in predatory and sinful behavior (knowing you were turning from it); thinking you were loose and an easy sexual target, he sucked you into it. Which to be fair you were doing because you fell into that stuff with him by video and said you liked it. You recognized you caused many men to sin by your sinful behaviors and it sounds like it now horrifies you so that is good. You recognize the seriousness of this.
Lying, stealing and doing sinful things like that are things you should never do again. Fear God and love righteousness. After you get saved you are enabled to do this. Be a person of integrity.
Also, after you obey the gospel... go to your pastor and tell him that "you realized you were not actually saved but are now, and want to get baptized." Don't go into detail of your past, just say that. Nothing else. If the church requires a new believers class first, go through it.
Figure out how you can write a testimony about your conversion. Again, limit the details and focus on the gospel at conversion. Here are sample helps to guide you.
That way if the church requires a testimony in the class, at the baptism, or you want to use it when you share the gospel with others over your lifetime then you have one. Plus, since the youth today (11-24) have a lot of messed up lives like yours was because of identity issues and trying to fit in... your testimony will be a very helpful thing to share with the Gospel to lead them to Christ. It isnt your testimony that saved though. God uses the Gospel to do that, but they can relate with you a fellow fallen sinner, who is redeemable 😀.
Here are resources that can help you
With the other things you noted and to be a good help as you begin your actual Christian life.
I highly recommend you spend the next 3 to 6 months or year to go through all of it...
You could do college online and stay local or...
Take a gap year between graduating and going to college - DO IT. You won't regret it. Your parents or guardian should be happy to hear you want to solidify your faith and need time to do that, and get your life on the right path before going off to college; esp if it is to a cesspool non Christian school 😬.
Use that year to go through all of this.
>Set a daily schedule for what you will do in your day print and post it on the fridge or your room front door and set alarms and stick to it 💪.
Part of that will be daily Bible reading.
Here is a recommended plan For that. Just go through the reading in the timeframe scheduled, and put a bookmark in it and close the book when time is up. I do not recommend a journaling of the Bible in this gap year. Just get the Word read it, meditated on a few min when done reading, write out the key important verses you should memorize, close the book, do scheduled prayer time. Then move to the next thing on the schedule. Include time for the below things. Figure out what topics you want to tackle in the order you want to. Many if them have reading, video and audio podcasts connected so you won't get bored. Plus any books recommended you can find audio books or just read them on kindle.
Some areas might have many book recommendations, just check out the book descriptions and read the ones of interest if It solidifies your faith. You can read the other books later on next year after your foundational year is completed.
There's a lot of great and helpful stuff in here and you will benefit from going through it all (carefully and thoroughly). Since it is related to your current needs.
* open each link in a new browser window so you can find your way back to this page. Bookmark this page too so you can go through all of the below this week.
Christian Reviews; a "content check" you can use b4 you watch anything. If it has even a hint of stiryline with romantic, sexual or lgbt+ skip it/stay away from it. There are plentybof wholesome and godly content out there you are better off putting into your mind. 🙂
The bulk of your gap year will be here:
*Reliability of Scripture & Christianity
*New and Growing Believers Resources
👆Go through the Fundamentals of the faith in this link portal and go through the video and audio studies. Everything in there is meant to help you grow and mature in the faith so no one can try to dupe you away from Christianity. It also has solid counsel and advice on future relationships. I recommend you focus on God for a few years and do not date anyone.
This will set you up for a solid foundation for life both in your faith and in finding godly relationships (friends and a potential spouse).
God bless!
Soon: reputable Christian colleges
On campus and Online link
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