Parent stressed over children's youth activities
Re: Christian homeschooler parent overwhelmed with stress of childrens Church activities.
My church just started Awana this year, but already stressed. Am I the only mom that just can’t handle Wednesday night church? Is us not giing really going to teach my kids not to put God first? I feel so convicted at church and like I would be judged if my kids aren’t there for Awana on Wednesday nights. We tried it tonight and it was just as hard as Wednesday night church has ever been. My husband works till 8pm. My 13 year old had to be there at 5:30 the other kids at 6pm and then they don’t get out of Awana until 7:30. They feed the kids/youth but 😔 my kids are always hungry afterwards. I don’t really have anywhere to be during this time.
The church has a prayer meeting but it is a very short meeting, it doesnt cover that full time my kids are busy (and it’s all elderly people that attend). Tonight I also had to sit through the business meeting. I don’t volunteer to teach on Wednesday nights because I’m just worn out and didn’t need to add extra have to do's to my life. We are very active in the church on Sunday mornings; I teach pre-k Sunday School, I volunteer in the children’s department, teach VBS, teach children’s church once a month. I also work for the church as the Financial Secretary. Jesus is constantly in our everyday lives at home. My family very rarely went to church growing up. I certainly don’t want to teach my kids to be like that but at the same time it completely messes up our routine, and heightens my anxiety. Advice?
A: Many people have a wrong understanding of the local church thinking when they are there or even going there that it somehow needs to feed "your" spiritual life in some way, that you need to somehow benefit or “get something” from it for it to be something you’d go to/spend time doing.
It’s an opportunity to serve the Master, serve others, worship, help our kids get more spiritual growth and interact with godly believers, and surround us with our eternal family; brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s a chance to bring the needs of others before the Throne, and put others first. We shouldn’t only participate in things that make us feel like we’ve received something.
Awana is an amazing program! You are blessed to be able to attend one! Support your church, which includes Wednesday nights and other nights theyre open for the members. They need you and you need them.
Wednesday nights are hardest when you treat it as optional at the beginning of the day. If you feel all day you are hoping for an excuse to not go, it moves the focus from God to you and it makes it more stressful. But if you just decide it's what we're going to do at the beginning of the day and everyone knows it's what we're doing, then it's much easier. I would also suggest 🙂 you adjust your homeschooling approach for that day so there's less going on leading up to it. I can almost guarantee you that if you don't make Wednesday night the norm for your kids, they will hardly even consider doing it once they leave the home. That's probably why your Wednesday night adult crowd is mostly older people. Because we're losing the next (and current) generation when it comes to things like being active in the local church.
As far as Awana goes, can you volunteer to help in a non-teaching role so it's more laid back for you and doesn't require prior study or preparation, including just helping in the hall when kids come to tell their memory verse of the week. Or you can sit in the car together in the parking lot until their start time happens and where you can all listen to edifying material for believers and even some music and have conversations. You can also can drop the kids off and go for coffee or tea and a quiet reading time, or go for a walk while theyre at the activities and listen to some solid podcasts of value, or audio readings of the Word. It is good to find a quiet area to have quiet time for yourself among the hectic happenings.
As far as Awana goes, can you volunteer to help in a non-teaching role so it's more laid back for you and doesn't require prior study or preparation? Just an idea. ☺️
If the church has more than awana and prayer meeting that evening, some have mid week worship, then you can do that as well together. If the church has worship while youth activities go in then that is a better set up that considers parents issues.
In your kind of situation... It is possible the church Pastor and youth leader have no idea the start times are causing excessive juggling & stress for parents, so do bring it up to the pastor so they can make changes.
I've heard from two fomer youth who were children of parents in such a situation and this is what they shared.
1. A perspective from a child raised by a teacher, farmer, and business owner who was in church every time the doors were opened, I am eternally grateful for the sacrifice and investment my parents made.
I learned community. I learned it’s not always about me but the supply my presence brings to others. I grew in my love for the body of Christ.
And yes my parents had us memorizing scripture in the mornings and doing nightly (other than the late church nights) worship, Bible, and prayer time at night as a family.
And we had decent bedtimes.
Having true relationships in our church family literally saved my life when my parents were caring for my brother during cancer and other situations growing up.
I know my parents were exhausted and now as a parent I sympathize. But I’m so grateful for what was given to me then, that it is now worth the sacrifice for my children. It is more important than any other activity we do. It takes supreme precedence because one day they too may depend on the relationships within church community to see them through. And they are contributing to eternal rewards and Christ calling them a faithful servant.
I’m not saying people can’t have community only attending one time a week but there is definitely a depth of relationship that grows more substantially from more frequent moments together with the brethren, and for your children's long tern spiritual benefit.
2. I'm not into making yourself completely exhausted, but let me offer a different perspective.
As someone who grew up at church every single time, the doors were open... Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Wednesday evenings and oftentimes many afternoon after school volunteering. I was there as much as I was home. As an adult I look back on what I learned on Wednesday evenings and I'm so thankful my parents took me. I know that my parents were tired and probably didn't always feel like going... But I'm so glad they did.
Now as an adult, I've had my children in Awana's/ Royal rangers/ and Youth group. They have lots of friends, lots of memories, and have memorized lots of Scripture.. I'm so thankful.
Being there from 5:30 to 7:30 is really not extreme at all, and much earlier than we ever went home from an evening service.
It is worth it in the long run.
_
Other Ideas
Other ideas are to lessen your teaching role at church so it takes up less of your home time; it requires a lot of preparation, let other members do some of that, so you can focus on your kids as they are your primary responsibility incl their spiritual life.
But def have a talk with the Pastor because they do need to make time changes so everyone is there at the same time.
If that doesnt work,
1. Have the older ones carpool there.
2. Only drive the older kids to youth activities and just keep the young ones home.
2a. Do a awana style thing at home w the young ones and when the older ones can drive or move out, rotate the younger ones into Wed evenings. 3. It could work out for all the kids if you could have someone carpool the 2 age groups separately then you can either stay home or go to worship and are free to drive home solo.
Something will work out. You are spiritually investing in the kids and theyll be better off for it when they leave home
Train up a child...
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