Struggling with an inconsistent walk

Struggling w Walk

Not really sure what to do or think, but I'm feeling confused, frustrated, and scared.

 
   I've been a "Christian" it seems my whole life. I grew up in a Christian home and I've always believed in God, been baptized multiple times, but I haven't always lived as a true Christian should or been truly saved. But, about, 4 or 5 years ago I began my journey to truly become a woman of God and take my relationship with Him seriously. I just feel like it never has truly "clicked" though. I've tried to read my Bible more, pray more, go to church regularly, gave up secular music, listen to Christian podcasts, etc.

    But I've been very inconsistent the whole time. What I mean by that is I will pray, read the Word, be obedient, etc. for some days, weeks, or even a month or two. But it ALWAYS seems to come to an end. Then I randomly stop and I'll go days, weeks, months without doing any of it or barely doing it. And then a day comes and I get back in to it again and feel close to God again, and the cycle just continues. I don't know why this happens or what causes it, but it's just like I can't commit 100% or something, even though I truly want to. Here lately, I even find myself deliberately partaking in sin, which of course is instantly followed by shame and guilt. I try to force myself to talk to Him or pick up my Bible, but it literally feels like I can't. My mind feels so tired and numb and I can't focus. I struggle with intrusive thoughts as well. I've prayed about it and asked God for help, but I just keep going in and out in my relationship with the Lord.

   I'm just asking for advice and/or what this could mean and how I can stop. I've heard of being "lukewarm", which is what I feel like, and I definitely don't want to be. I know that everyone falls and slips up, but mine is just constantly up and down. Sometimes I'm committed to God and close to Him, but it never seems to last. It's exhausting and causes me so much anxiety. I don't even know if I'm saved at this point. Because if I was truly saved, would I be this inconsistent? Would I deliberately sin just for my own fleshly pleasure in the moment?

   A relationship with Christ is supposed to take away the fear and shame, but that doesn't seem to be happening for me. I also don't "feel" or "hear" God, and it doesn't feel like my prayers are being answered. I'm tired. I need godly advice.

A: I believe you will be able to get peace about your salvation and all these matters. The fact that it concerns you is a great indicator because you struggle with sin. The unsaved love sin. Only believers struggle with it. 

However, I do encourage you to go through everything below as a deep dive study to help you get to the heart of the matter and a proper understanding of these things so you can mature in the faith, and no longer live lukewarm. You can have victory in these areas, you just need some helps to get you going in the right direction.

Stop. Breathe. Then bookmark this link so you can go through everything. 

Before we start I want to recommend reading this free pdf book. It isnt long, but it will point out a false gospel that many today believed in and if that is you, you want to correct that understanding before you go through the below. Ok? 🙂

1. On Salvation & Assurance
http://longertweets.blogspot.com/2022/10/self-examination.html

2. On not Feeling Saved
http://believersanswers.blogspot.com/2023/12/dont-feel-saved.html

3. The believer & the war with sin
https://snsanswers.blogspot.com/2022/11/about-sin.html

4. Anxiety (loads of help in here)
https://snsanswers.blogspot.com/2022/06/anxiety-depression-suicidal-panic.html?m=1

5. For the Bible...
I also recommend
A. setting your alarm daily to listen through the Bible until it becomes a daily habit later on that you no longer need reminders for. You can listen to and from work if you work outside the home, or while cleaning daily in the home. I got thru 24 chapters of Acts in 1 day at home without even realizing I got that far 😀.
B. And not eating breakfast until you read.
Two good quotes:
* No Bible no breakfast, nor read no feed.
*Sin will keep you from reading the Bible, but reading the Bible will keep you from sin.
You are falling into sin because you don't stay in the Word.

6. Also a lot of times this issue [your conundrum] is related to "not understanding the Holiness of God", so I also recommend this study.
http://longertweets.blogspot.com/2023/12/understanding-gods-holiness.html

7. Find an accountability friend from among the mature godly women at church who you allow to speak into your life and exhort and admonish you lovingly on a daily and weekly basis. Iron sharpens Iron. We are to constantly grow in the faith and allow the congregation, as well as the pastor (I'm speaking of the pulpit here), to help us in our spiritual walk. Christianity isnt solo. God is with us, but we also have the local body of believers we assemble with [church] and live our lives with.

 
* Ask the Pastor, decon and pastor's wife who among the mature believers at church would be the right person for an accountability partner who is a mature believer, knows the Word, is good at counseling and helping with being consistent in the faith and in helping someone through sins, and who is confidential & not a gossip. Trustworthy & has integrity.

* On helping each other with Sins https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-wubw6-15365b0

* On Understanding the importance of church membership and being in the community of believers there.
http://snsanswers.blogspot.com/2022/10/church-matters.html

The Growing Believers Resources noted in the link will also be a treasure trove for you as you move beyond this counseling and into your future Christian walk. 😊

Finally, If you are a child of Heavenly Father, you are always his child. disobedient, rebellious or living rightly he will come for you and help keep you walking on the straight and narrow. Even if correction is needed.

Sanctification is a journey. Even Paul said: For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Rom. 7. He felt wretched over sins he hadnt conqured yet. 

God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, but He wants us to grow in faith and get stronger. By his Grace and power we can overcome anything. 

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

1 Peter 5:10

Remember: 

While 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us: "No has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

Also "We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places". Eph. 6:12

Do not let Satan try to dash your faith. We all go through trials and temptations but God is with us. Don’t lose hope! The best is yet to come. 

and, Trust in what Jesus did for you, not in what you are feeling, but do live a life that is pleasing to Him. If he saved you he will keep you. He never breaks his promises. 

May the peace of Christ give you peace of mind as you continue onward. Persevere... and Finish the race well. 💪🎉🌟

Hope all of this helps, God bless!