Is Pastor Disqualified if child comes out Trans * add links
Q: I'm asking for prayer. My husband just turned 70, and is trying to determine if he needs to resign as Pastor/elder of our small home church. The reasoning - our 16 yr old grandson (who we've raised since he was a baby) told us last week that he's transgender.
We've told him - no you can not wear makeup or girls clothing while you're under 18 and living under our roof. He doesn't like it, but had agreed.
He stopped wanting to attend any church several years ago and so we did not force him.
Our liberal daughter, who is 40 (we adopted at 6 months) has chosen to attend another church although ( because she feels we/ours is "patriarchal", has 2 daughters, one of which has a girlfriend, and she is ok with that. *(She and her girls currently live with us [so they would not have to go into a shelter])
All 4 of them made professions of faith years ago. 💔
We've been through h*** and high-water with both of them due to spiritual (sin)/mental health issues (bi-polar, ODD, severe social anxiety, depression, etc) and autism. We "feel" absolutely crushed.
A: This is going to depend on some factors.
I would cautiously say not to step down because I don't think disqualification is the answer here. It sounds like, you and your husband have been doing all you can to train him up, and remain faithful to Christ in the face of very "trendy" sin [and severe mental illness, (which I'm sure is contributing to this issue)]. She had professed Christ while living st home with you. Later in life she made those decisions to walk from the truth to a counterfeit identity.
If you and he were enabling the sin, that would be different. But you've taught her right, and made it clear to your grandson it's not acceptable. And it sounds like he IS submitting by not doing that around you. It sounds like your daughter is also well-aware of your beliefs and is living with you anyway. I think this would definitely be something to begin dealing with (well and biblically) going forward.
🌟Prayerfully consider:
I had a convo recently about a pastor disqualification and in that we discussed that today Pastors are being dumped a ton of work that is not their responsibility. Because of this they are stretched super thin & cannot properly raise their family (with a proper amount of time with family at home, and even daily time in the Word together). So if that is the case some of this is on the church and not soley the pastor.
We cannot just throw a Pastor out. In this case we should probably be gracious and make changes needed in the home. And Matt 18 can apply here in that way... your Husband is working on it, and the grandson is still savable. All is not lost yet and there is hope. Even the prodigal son shows us this.
Today kids should not be in public school at all. That satanically run cesspool is brainwashing children at crazy speed esp w lgbt sex cult propaganda. And we believers/small churches have hardly been able to catch up with it and have a firm grasp across Christiandom as to how to deal with this biblically.
The church fails the Pastor and congregation by not growing up mature godly men to be Decons who handle most of the work so Pastor can focus on the Word, (and go home to lead his family). They also fail to raise up godly men to assist the Pastor and become the new Pastor. Small churches have this worse, due to both the lack of saved men in the church and lack of men in the church. So that could be a failing of the pastor, unless all the men there are false converts.
I would recommend
1. Having a conversation with the Elders/Decons.
*Let them know you need to do damage control at home and that because the church has not either raised up godly men to manage in the church ...the Pastor got too much of the work dumped on him so he cannot rightly lead at home & raise his kid properly and with enough time at home.
*Adjust all your responsibilities there as a Pastor to minimum... and assign everything else to the others.
*Last resort to consider later -Consider changing to part time as the Pastor there and hire an Associate Pastor if you dont have one, (or have mature godly men in the Church create Sermons and preach them) to help until this issue is resolved. And help you move into retirement but still have an income.
2. Till now the grandson has not obeying God, either not saved or not grown in faith (likely the former), def did not consult you from the beginning (of his being enticed by sexual sin), nor cared how this transgender decision would harm you (and ruin your husband's career, loss of income, and your reputation) for his sexual sinful selfishness. Plus seems he's being allowed to run around and do what he wants with little supervision and oversight.
I do see a problem with not requiring him to be in Church (Sunday School & Worship), and mightve helped him run to the world, but many children of believers don't get saved, most churches dont even know the leaders kids left the faith till after graduation or during college, after they leave home.
It def was a failure to not require him to be at church... his guardian is the Pastor. And it sets a presedent in the Church for other kids to think church isnt important, but also he likely didnt get much godly maturing in the faith at home and he wasnt getting any by not being at church so he easily "went the way of the world"; on this part there was a guardian failure - but it can be fixed. However if he agreed to that one thing... and is willing to abide under your house authority... so - you have a chance for the below to rescue him...
3. Pull your grandson out of public School and homeschool him - today.
* He needs unschooling and homeschooling under your eye. No hanging out with friends; not allowed around any lgbt people nor friends. Only vetted church kids (and never alone with them - adult supervision). Nothing but Bible and School (and Church) for a year or so.
*He needs to understand the lies about lgbt and get educated in it and the problems. As well as a full understanding of the Gospel, fear of God, God's Holiness, and about Righteousness. He needs to see the danger he is in.
This resource will be of great help when educating him against lgbt lifestyle, mindset and identity. And will greatly help you too.
A. Education on lgbt
B. Wedding issues if he rejects truth (even after deep education on lgbt) and goes his own way after High School.
A. Identity Crisis & Correction
B. If he later goes his way after 18
Pay attention to Ganons post there
4. I would also note with #2 that he still lives with you, you likely didnt think pubic schools in your erea had fallen off the cliff, or struggled by not know about todays homeschooling not having to be mom led. You "havent stopped" trying to reach him so technically you havent fully failed your grandson yet. You are now focusing on reeducating him in truth and working through untangling his mind (from this sex cult he was enticed away to by the brainwashing in public schools). So... you are in the process of correcting him as you are training him up. He is not rebelling against your authority in what he agreed to, and he just doesnt understand it yet- which you can educate him about going forward... and this is an issue our country and Christian families have been practically blindsided by without having any idea how to handle it lovingly and truthfully where they come back to their senses... esp to parents who are 70 years old [from an era of Christianity and when actual moralism ruled our society].
Recall OT figures with rebellious children: Aaron, David, Samuel, perhaps Moses. At some point the principles in Ezekiel that we are each responsible for our own sin come into play.
Jewish law had a boy of 12 or 13 responsible for himself. Our definition of adulthood arrives much later, which would be 18 or 21.
Are you part of a denominational structure that could provide help from other godly men in the church? Have them over for part of his homeschool lessons. Do some on lgbt above and on biblical masculinity, and go through related topical books as part of his homeschooling. Have some over to speak on the topics of vital Christian foundations and go through Cold Case Christianity videos 💥 together and talk afterwards. Have some men come speak on the importance of being right with God, explaining false conversion, and others on importance of being in Church. Even if you have solid mature believerscfrom reputable churches 100 miles away come to help as a topucal lesson or series teacher, in addition to his homeschooling. It can be Religious studies class, but cover anatomy, biology, life skills, history etc where those above teachings fall into his courses.
Begin a daily - long term focus - on educating him biblically (about gender and identity from God's Design) as you are untangling him from the lgbt sex cult. You don't need to do it all alone. But everyone involved needs to do it in love, speak caringly, and be well prepared.
We can get through this [era] together by rallying and helping each other. You can still finish the faith race well. God bless you for raising your grand child.
And, He isnt lost yet... so there is hope.
One lady shared her story showing hope is still here. "My dad was a pastor. I remember the anguish in his voice and face when my teenage sister eloped with her boyfriend of six weeks (there were other rebellious factors involved). How my dad struggled with if he should ever preach again. Praise God my dad did not give up the ministry God had called him to. Years later my sister returned to the Lord, though she had to go through some very hard times along the way."
Praying for wisdom and the Spirit’s guidance for you. I hope he turns from it and you can be another success case both in detransitioning (from sexual sin to sanity) and to be a success story to help churches and Pastors deal with this well [until lgbt is no longer a fad in this nation].
I also suggest grandma pull back from her church activities and positions until thus is resolved. You will need to be more active in his homeschooling, but it will only be for a couple years. So put your best effort into it, and afterwards (as long as your health allows) be a helpful guide and blessing to stressed or worried Christians in churches and online new to or wanting to homeschool and get their kids out of public schools. Since you plowed through the hard stuff at the beginning to figure things out, it can save them stress and time.
God be with you.
Helps for Homeschooling
Here is a starting point.
Join groups recommended there.
There are people in false Christian churches and cults in fb groups, so in posting any questions -specifically ask for guidance from the moms in your denomination or biblical protestant churches, for his home schooling plan, and faq you have. Do what works for your budget, time and abilities, but also that he will actually do. If he needs watching then do so. And if he isnt trusted w internet, turn the wifi off during his classes. If he needs to do book and printed only classes at the table, do that.
I also recommend not letting him use internet, smartphone or tablets for a year since that is his main portal into lgbtland. And limit or eliminate his tv access. He needs to spend time reading and going through books on audio that will move him towards biblical truth.
Related Resources:
Christ and the Culture Wars by Ben Chang. [I think it's so important for every family to read as it gives amazing advice in these situations]
Helping him understand why Church Matters. This can be part of his religious class.
Make sure he understands the Gospel clearly, and there is no such thing as a lgbt church or professing believers who willfully live sinful lifestyles.
Helping him understand Biblical Masculinity for sure is important. You can find some resources here. And if you can find any Christian books [on topic] that have workbooks or student books, get those and have him do them. He needs to understand it not just read it. If he is doing paper and books offline studies then maybe see if you can get retired mature men in faith to come go through these books with him, as sort of teachers, to ensure he is engaged and learning.
For your daughter, she might not be open, but this will be really helpful to educate about biblical truth more, because it sounds like she embraced idolatry (made up a god she prefers) because she didnt have a firm foundational understanding of God and Scripture, and thus lacks clarity on foundational & women issues from biblical truth standpoint. This can happen in small churches.
She lacks understanding about God, the authority of the Scriptures and the Holiness of God. These below can help her. While she is no longer under your authority she is still to obey you in a way as her guiding parents and as godly advisors... and they are living with you... so you still have her/their ear. I hope you can find ways to share these with her. Could be over a purposed meet up at your home (once you have your grandson matters more settled), or include them in an email, or consider posting them one by one in your facebook posts (tagging her in it, along with a few mature women at church who will ok being tagged so shes not the only one tagged), where she can look through each one, day after day. You can post once a week or 3x a week. Praying she will look at the contents. Set it up as a FAQ of the Day and include a picture image of somekind with the Q title and link. Sometimes people will peek or want to look without others knowing. So if shes active on social media she will likely check them out even if she disagrees due to her current patriarchy liberal mindset. It is possible she will actually get saved. Since none of them sound like they had true conversions. One FAQ (tagging her & other peoples names) could be:
"What is the Gospel and Why does it Matter?" NeedGod.com
If she is the mother of your grandson he is being influenced by her & daughters sexual perverted lifestyles, so you need to have some kind of distance between/from them all for now for your grandsons sake. If she and her kids are not hardly there that would be good for the short term. If there in evening, have 2 seperate meal times, so he eats with you both and the girls eat seperately. You can ensure prayer over food, and good conversations to build more trust with him. Put some things in place to have least interaction w the girls for now. And help the girls all move out asap, as it wont really help your training up and correcting the grandson, your first priority for now.
Also... thank God you are being godly influences in their lives. I know without my grandparents in my life, (dumped there on weekends, went to Church Sundays, and he was a deacon & teacher), that I wouldnt have come to Christ.
You can later work on the granddaughters when and how you can after your grandson matter is resolved. 🤗
Allow God to guide you, and provide for you.
Repent of your mistakes and failings, and know that God put your grandson in your hands to raise up for a reason. It can be more about your fauthfulness & growth than his salvation if that is what His ultimate will is. Just do it all as to the Lord and leave it in His hands when he turns 18. Be as good a blessing and godly (firm biblical) influence you can be after that. Perhaps he will come to Christ after you pass on, and he will thank God for you long after that. He like many others like him have detransitioned after coming to his senses or getting saved. Let's pray it will be both for him. And for the girls to be saved and embrace the authority of Scriptures and for it to guide their lives as well.
God Bless
Related
I do highly recommend trying to get her into biblical counseling. Just call it counseling. Schedule an appt for her, or you both, and frame it more as helping you both get along. That can be the doorway to helping her have solo counseling, where they'll present the Gospel to her, the truth of God's design and hopefully like the lgbt resource above, help bring her back to biblical truth if our design, identity and purpose. God can restore her snd lead her to true salvation, and transform her into one who walks the righteous path.
She likely won't listen to her parents, but she would to a neutral third party (not related to her lgbt community either).
*Also related, if shes going through the sbove things and is open, or gets saved, these can help her think godly and follow that biblical pattern
Resources For Her:
Authority of Scripture
Trustworthiness of God
God bless
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