Finding faith after living under a false convert parent

Q: I grew up as the least favorite child to a very religious woman. Mom was all about church and God. She would get my sister's hair done, while I would be messy headed. Once I wore sister's sweater and got a spanked with an cord and couldn't go to my friend's party. 

I know she doesn't love me and if I am ever in need she won't care. She doesn't care. 

People at her church were very cruel to me growing up and she never protected me. 

I left church alone because of all this but recently I have found God again. I rededicated my life and left my living situation because I would not live in sin anymore. 

I am currently homeless, my children and I are living in a temporary shelter. I have been blessed with a great job, and I am so thankful that we aren't sleeping outside. I just feel like God doesn't see me trying or care what is happening to my family. 

My mother has no idea I rededicated my life... because since she started a church (it has had like 6 people there for the last 10 years and one of them is her "GIRLFRIEND"), I havent been around her. She typically constantly brings up my past sins, but fails to see hers. 

I am trying so hard in my faith and my life yet I feel invisible to God. Can you give me some guidance? 

A: God showed you early on that there are people who claim to be Christian but are false converts. They love their idolatry (pick and choose what they like and their own morals). He also showed you this world is indeed stained by sin - suffering exists due to the Fall. 

I am glad you know God is God and are wanting to follow Him. 🥰

Scripture says he gives common grace to all, but special grace to those who are his. This means those who really are born again are loved by God and cared for by him. It doesnt mean we wont have troubles, go thru hard times, have our faith tested, nor does it mean He wont discipline us. It means he will work all things out for His glory and for our ultimate good. The NT teaches this clearly, [Scripture does]. 

If you are born again, just lean on Him. Jesus is always with you, the Holy Spirit guiding you and the Father looking over you. God cares for you. 

Fortunately you can explain these things to your children, keep them around biblical godly people, raise them to know truth and Christ, and live by example as you grow in the faith. 

If you havent yet been born again [or want to make sure] go here to see a short video, and simply obey the Gospel. (*Kid friendly too)

If you would like some resources to help you as you begin your Christian life (including helps for you as a parent) go here. God has given you the blessed job of raising them in the Lord. And I believe you can do well. 

As far as circumstances, everything will fall into place one at a time if you are living for Him (making righteousness and His Will your priority). Including finding a true godly man to marry and help lead your children spiritually. Keep going one day at a time. 

You cant do anything about your family except live rightly -- if you need to be around them in town or at gatherings the whole family goes to be picky and cautious. I caution you to avoid going to visit the lgbt ones > for your children's sake. It will be a blessing in the long run if you keep them away from her. [You can visit her separately very occasionally if necessary]. Get your and your kids lives on track, and more mature in your faith, before you think of allowing any interactions with lgbt family. If you can avoid it long term, do so. [If it means living further away, take advantage of that and dont give her your address]. *My mother kept me from an unsaved grandparent from age 7 to 18. It highly likely saved me going down a pagan path. My godly grandparents influence on me brought me to salvation. (My broken home had not Christ there). 

She likely has no interest in the truth since she owns/started a church [that is totally bonkers and points to her sin desire for money, power, attention, elevation and rebellion towards God. *A wolf seeking to prey on gullible naive people too], but... if by God's leading she is open to truth or if you want to have solid grasp on this lgbt issue, go through this study. 

Here is one final help as you seek to live in the godly mindset and in love and forgiveness. It can help you move forward from past hurts from your mom [and manage yourself around her in the future- knowing she is still fallen].

The resources link is loaded with things to bless you so bookmark it and go through it daily until you've finished it. But do at the same time read Scripture every day, and teach it to your kids. 

God bless ✝️🙂