Friend struggling in her marriage *

How do I encourage my friend who is struggling in her marriage?

Her major concerns are that her husband isn’t providing and he feels like his masculinity is threatened by her bc she has been independent single mom for so long and now there is a new baby on the way. He’s not doing anything to provide for his new family. This caused her to be angry, saddened and has lost respect for him. Everytime they try to talk it out it leads to anger and disrespectful behavior. 

She is providing for him and the family. He says he wants to go to school and study but isn’t doing anything about it he just talks about doing things...

What Bible verses or advice could I give to her to stay encouraged?

A: No one goes into a relationship or marriage knowing everything. It is like sanctification... we learn and grow and apply what we learned. We make corrextions, show patience, love, grace and firgiveness, and serve, encourage & byild each other up. It is like a mini church governed by God. 

Advice: Listen and pray, but also encourage them to seek counseling as this may also be indicative of other unresolved issues.

They need a biblical christian counselor, and to meet with their pastor. Both need individual counseling and counseling together to resolve this. Also seeking God separately. Drawing closer to God will help you through this, regardless of the outcome. If he is not saved, this will be a difficult journey. He might reject counseling as it will reveal his sins. Hiding behind closed doors at home allows him to do what he wants to without others knowing or interfering with what he is comfortable doing. He wont be challenged or change without it being addressed by others outside the home, esp those with authority like the pastor and counselor. 

A neutral third party could help facilitate more constructive conversations and find strategies to address the underlying issues. Remind her that it's okay to seek help and that doing so can be a sign of strength, not weakness. Encourage her to take things one day at a time, focusing on the positives when possible. 

Some men are great at making life together impossible for their family because of their lack of leadership and knowledge on married life, but also their unresolved sins. The baby may trigger worse behavior and neglect towards her when she really needs him. Some men don't understand that attention moves towards the baby for a season and instead become jealous and resentful. She might have a long hard road ahead,... even worse if she married an unbeliever. 

If he rejects Christianity, he is not being the spiritual leader and husband who is to love his wife as Christ lives the church. And is not raising the kids in the Lord. She will have to take on that role as Timothy's mother and grandmother did. And she is to obey God over her unsaved husband. Go to church (and take the kids), teach them the faith and about Christian worldview & right living every opportunity. If he abandons her or leaves then she is free. God wants his children to live in peace. But if he stays then she is to be the best example of Christ in his life that she can be, and growing more like Christ to radiate him more. 

Here are a few Bible verses that might offer her some comfort and strength:

Philippians 4:13 – "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This verse can remind her of her own strength and resilience, especially when she's feeling overwhelmed.

Titus 2:5 

To be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled

1 Peter 3:1-2

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the godly conduct of their wives. [Let him] see your respectful and pure conduct.

Ephesians 5:22-24 

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands

Ephesians 5:28-29 

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

Ephesians 5:23 

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior

1 Peter 3:7 

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered

Ephesians 5:33 

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

1 Peter 3:7

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Ephesians 5:21 

Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ

Philippians 2:3 

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

1 John 5:3 

For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome

1 Thessalonians 5:11 

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up

1 Peter 4:8 – "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." This verse speaks to the power of love and forgiveness, which can be important in marital struggles.

Ephesians 4:2-3 – "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." This can encourage her to approach conversations with humility and patience, seeking peace rather than conflict.

You can share this page/info, and the below resources with her. 

Find a 

Unequally yoked helps

Raising kids in Christ 

Resources for women 

Resources for Growing Believers