Husband not being spiritual leader
Q: My husband and I have been together for over 16 years. He tried to help me and told me to "not believe in" what I believed in. But I don't understand why he never went over the Bible with me or prayed with me or anything.
I also don't understand why he didn't teach his kids the Bible or raise them on it, especially since "he loves Jesus so much". I just don't understand that. If he would've just sat with them and taught them it might have made me come around. And instilled Christ in them.
Most parents who are Christian teach their children and raise them as Christians. So I don't understand why he said he was for me to "interpret" myself and he didn't want "to force" anything on his kids. I don't understand why he didn't do that 😞.
My father definitely made sure to talk to his kids about his beliefs and tried to lead us to belief and understanding. I just don't understand why he never tried to steer them the right way. Most parents teach their children what they believe in especially if they truly believe so I don't understand why he didn't do that.
A: I am sad to hear you dated and married someone who didnt hold to the expectations you had for a husband as spiritual leader like your father was. Were you not aware when talking before dating him - of what kind of man he was, and did you date him unsaved but he profess Christ later on? It is very hard to believe a real Christian man would shirk his main responsibility to be the spiritual leader in the home. The church should have godly men from church invested into the men in the congregation - including him, to help ensure he is being taught how to do this.
Why have you never addressed this with the pastor in counseling or with the mens group leader? The church is to be teaching men how to lead spiritually at home.
On the other hand like Timothys mom and grandmother... you can spend those 16 years doing daily family devotionals with the kids, teaching your sons how to be the spiritual leader in their home, and having them participate in devotion time. Even as teens they can pick important Christian living Scripture topics for the devotions time, and guide them how to lead the study. Help them know who & what resources to get Answers from (to help his future wife and kids).
Many today assume that if a person they meet and like "claims" to be Christian that means they are.. Scripture says different. This is why we need to vett and look at the life of the person vs emotional attaching ourselves to someone, and living outside God's Will. It ends in disaster of a unequally yoked marriage, perhaps for life.
Ask him his salvation testimony, look if he has fruit that points to him clearly being saved. If he is, maybe his history of churches are ones with poor leadership and teaching for raising up godly men well. Perhaps he is embarrassed (pride over humbleness) that he doesnt know how to lead family devotions or be a spiritual leader. Feels ashamed he wasted years not reading or studying the Bible and doesnt know how or where to even start. Maybe he doesnt care and selfishly wants to have "me" time after work and isnt being the leader in the home he has been called to be as a husband and father.
Once you find out the why, you can encourage and guide him to resources to help him start. And include the mens leader and pastor so he can get started. Even when the kids are grown he is still the spiritual leader in the covenant marriage.
Have him talk with the pastor.
He as husband needs to make the family time mandatory for all. In the family worship time...Do not speak over him or try to run the devotion time. Be quiet. Let all the talk be from him. Let the kids ask the questions. Your goal is to help the kids come to Christ & set the example for their indiv lives as believers [and later... in their family]. During these family gatherings You can write down & go look up questions later. And as his helpmeet can offer [in advance] to help provide answers to him from reputable resources, where he can them pass it onto his kids. Until he gets the hang of it. Once he does, consider a couples time in tje Word and prayer where you can ask him questions and boost his confidence. Even if you dont agree with his answer just go look it up after (or you at times confidentially consult your father>> when you are away from the home; your father needs to know not to bring this up with hubby so it doesnt cause him to think negatively that you always run to your dad and dont listen to your husband, or upsets him that you didnt seek his counsel). Honor him in his new role. Yrs later you can discuss stuff amicibly (as you really desire to) once he has really matured in the Word.
You can also suggest him an idea for "asking your father" if he would mentor him on how to lead the family well [but also specifically have regular talks for discussing the devotion topic with him], since he is a good example to learn from. And gain answers, suggestions and helps he needs along the way from him. [It can help with that inlaw bond as well].
He will start to see where he can find reputable resources from sermons to answer sites, and understand Scripture better, and it will help him gain confidence - that he can do this. And start doing it well.
Studying the Scriptures will take a lifetime. We dont know it all, we grow more in what we learn, and we keep correcting and growing as we go. So gotta start somewhere 😊.
At least starting something is good.
Also, have him use the drive home on Sundays to have the kids discuss what they learned in Sunday School, talking in an orderly fashion, letting them ask questions, and also discussing the Sermon. This can lead to questions they ask that you can answer and lead to topics he can address in that week's devotions. Even if that means you drive home so he can actively engage them.
One of the first recommendations for family worship or family devotions [whatever you call it] is to go over the essentials of Christianity. The foundational important things. And explain the Gospel so the kids can, after really understanding this, get saved.
He can take you all through Scripture after that, topic and passages he feels important for them to know and for Christian living. You might have few years left with some of the kids, so that is the best route. If you do two gatherings a day (young/teens) then he can go about leading the young ones better and cover Scripture more broadly after he takes everyone as one group through the fundamentals. Even if the wee ones dont really grasp it.
Allow him to focus on them first. You can get answers in Sunday School, in womens group, and at some online reputable places (until the older ones are out of the house).
Here are hopefully some resources to help.
If he is weak in the basics and the general Christian living topics he needs to grow in that area. If he already knows those things fairly well he can review Scripture and spend less time studying it up in prep time to bring that lesson to the family.
The home is like a mini church. He is the spiritual leader and God will hold him accountable for laziness for not shepherding those under his care. Men have a big responsibility, it isnt just the church Pastor.
God be with you all. 😊✝️🙏
Resources for Answers Help
Got Questions (search)
Grace to You (search)
Grace Answers (80 q&a sessions)
Comments
Post a Comment