Singles & Dating church members issues; what to do when finding out they're not a proper suitor due to sin. - add to church matters*
Q: Have you been in a similar situation & what did you do? I have been in contact with group leaders about this.
Long story short another single in my lifegroup asked me out in which I set a wall up of "I want to get to know you as friends first". Thank goodness because I found out he has gotten two girl’s pregnant within a year & has a history of abusing women. I’ve sent a message that has been extremely clear "I’m not interested and if he sends one more message his number will be blocked".
😮😬 He’s involved in everything I’m apart of at church. Wednesday nights, lifegroup, services. I’m genuinely scared to go back. I question now my heart and if it was in the wrong place when I started getting involved if something like this can deter me from going back to a place I came to really grow with the Lord & connect well with others. 😞
Edit: The lifegroup leaders had absolutely no idea. The baby is due in June so I’m going to guess not a whole lot has changed in less than 3 months, but I could be wrong.
A: Has the church implemented church discipline, to lead him to holy living? Has he repented and was restored? Is he still doing those sins not really repentant based on his life? Tbh if the women are there their sin in this also need to be addressed.
Depending on the answer determines where you go from here. If leadership is failing to shepherd and guide members to holy living, then leave to another church. Solid churches are hard places to find today (due to bad leadership), but ultimately that pastor has to answer to God. It causes problems in the church if not rightly addressed and dealt with. If they are working in it and escalating per Matt 18, then good. You def could ask the leaders for an update "for your piece of mind", (and to ensure they arent sweeping it under the rug). If they are/do...avoid it, they'de do that to their sins and thr pastor too if he disquslifies himself. So you need to leave.
You discerned well and went the right way (in cutting him off), right away. I would say leadership (at least decons) need to be aware of the situation and that he is not to contact you. I dont know if pastors lead the life groups but someone in leadership needs to address this. If its someone out in a teaching position but not a deacon of pastor, then at least decons need to be aware of the situation. They may try to lead you to do Matt 18 (for you two to reconcile), as part of it, which is fine if he follows it, and you can be civil after. But they need to address his sins and ensure he doesnt retaliate nor pursue you, and keep distance. Tbh men and women have no business mingling unless they're potential suitors with clear boundaries in place (and both are open to see if they're the right person to marry).
But also remember, there are goats/ weeds/ wolves in the congregation and we have to deal with it rightly, as best we can. And just prayerfully and discerningly know when it's time to leave (if there are egregious errors and or no discipline happening, issues continue re you, and it doesnt escalate to being told via the pulpit, to move to remove him if it needs to go that far, etc).
You want to continue in all areas God has you serving at and fellowshipping at, without worrying about something like this, esp
if he doesn't leave you alone. That is an additional area for discipline, and your safety. So the church def needs to be alert on this and proactive to conclusion.
I'm sorry this happened, but at least you found out quickly, and know he failed the interview to be considered as a suitor for you as a spouse. That's a blessing.
Here are more helps and resources that might be a help to you.
God bless
Comments
Post a Comment