Work Related; expectations & dissapointment, and Depression counsel
Q: Is it normal to feel depressed after a tough season? I moved to a new city with my husband and had high expectations. We faced major financial challenges moving to a more expensive city and gaining bearings in my career post graduation. I got laid off from a terrible job only a few months in which broke me because I had been aggressively job hunting and experienced a major job rejection and lay off within 24 hours. I then went on to be rejected from another major job because I did not finish my degree (a few classes) that I put off due to health and mental health issues. This was a job at a dream company, it eventually led me to complete my degree which I’m grateful for. A few months later I got a full time job again and was so thankful. Up until that point my relationship with God was great, I was suffering in my season of lack but was desperately drawing near to God. The new job didn’t last long (layoff) and they also owe me thousands of dollars which I still don’t have and feel powerless about.
I began having my mental health decline even further. I felt crazy because on one hand, I had family support, an amazing spouse, and my major bills were covered. I still felt like a burden and major failure.
I just got an another full time salaried job.its a great company that I can see myself in long term.
My confidence has taken a major hit. The woman I thought I would be as a girl no longer sees every opportunity as something to dominate, I just worry about messing things up and going back to financial stress.
I feel numb on the inside and have been alienating myself from the ppl I love and things I care for. I feel stuck in this weird place where I am super unmotivated to do anything but work. I’m not taking care of myself well or my household. I’m distancing myself from my family even tho they love me. I just feel this huge weight on me even though things are getting better financially. This whole ordeal has been very traumatizing, I’ve worked hard for everything I’ve had and I’m grateful to God for blessing me with so much. I felt like I was on the brink of losing everything for two years and constantly felt like my life was ‘woe is me’ for a year plus. Idk even know who the happy version of me is. I also felt with severe bouts of depression during this time which my mother rejected, she told me to not claim depression and that I was just having a hard time because of the season of finding stable employment. It’s so much deeper than money. I kind of want therapy but I don’t want worldly advice. I feel very distant from God and moved away from being active in my faith community. There is no one in church I trust to talk about this since I feel very ashamed already. Idk I’m just trying to see if someone has experienced this and how did you come back? Did a Christian therapist help?
I also know I have my faults so please be gentle with me!
A. So here's what I would like to share.
This situation is under "expectations and dissapointment", and a few others, and is why you feel depressed. If we have different expectations (that arent aligning to God), this happens. I'll give you some of my experiences and then some resources, that can help you get through and move onwards from this with a biblical mindset.
So, I had a similar job and identity problem. Had finally gone from generic office job to a actual career in a position they created for me, that had potential to $120/hr [2014 pay]. But loads of stuff was going on behind my back and bts it's really a crazy shocking story that I don't want to think about anymore, but will note a tid bit here to be a help to you. (*at the same time all this was happening I was hit by a big cement truck on my way to work, and my injuries were bad bad but I still needed to work and didn't want to give up this once In a lifetime opportunity job for a career and actually finally move from lower income to better). So I was frankenstein, going to dr appts and therapy like crazy. Massage therapy 2x s week for 2 yrs to get a bit of pain relief. It was bad for 8 years!! [And that wasn't the end, I still have problems from it. Every year 2x a year my back goes out and am in pain. [Was just hospitalized for a week, earlier this year, and tore both my rotator cuffs in shoulder from strains related to it, excruciating pain to even sit upright, and basically 247. PT therapy not happening as baloney games went on 8 months, constant faked/ghosted/delayed by therapists/agencies... finally start next week. Loads of pain. But God is in that too, for whatever reasons. And so I can't complain. He allows ir directs all things, with a dnd result of goid, even if we dont see it, as Job didn't].
Anyway...So, they created the job position for me there. It's a very well known company so I wont say who it is. They get big donor funding from the public to run the place, like many millions.
As noted, I had at the same time got injured and was in bad pain, limited me, but didn't affect my job hardly at all; I was determined, and desperate, for it to work. They failed at training me, and I had to run around and figure it all on my own. [It's like going from Admin clerk to a Lawyer, not a typical OJT siruation]. At the end, the co happened to have a major funding needed, for urgent project that wasn't budgeted for so they eliminated my position. Was walked off, mgr never responded to my requests for a reference on linked in or that potential employers could call him. [In fact he avoided the spontaneous HR meeting after 1 minute in his office, he cowardly left me there w the HR person, then walked me off]. The co has a HR verify only thing, but he as a professing believer could've provided one for me. Others did, there to others I know. He was not a good manager and in many many ways did me wrong there. I was almost at the place where I was ready to fly confidently then the floor was pulled from under me.
I didnt show it there, but at as I drove home, I was shocked by the side swipe of this sudden job ending. I was UPSET, ANGRY, DEPRESSED, bitter, discontent, had internally a complaining mindset, and just hurt for many many years over this, cried a ton, and hardly left home. [In addition to trying to heal from back & neck injuries from the accident, I wasn't working]. And, I was just tired of it; always losing jobs & worrying about the future. I felt very much like unvalued and tired of jobs throwing employees away every 3 years. I was very good at my job, (and all prev jobs), and also exceeded expectations at that last place [every year], even with minimal training (it was an entirely new job field for me; and I studied and gobbled up everything I could find every day online learning anything that could help me; several hours during and after work, including going to college classes while injured). I wanted to show I can do it, and also not be tossed into something that they may planned to purposely fail me at to get rid of me.
Today MZ changes jobs every 3 years and so it's not much of an isdue, but I hate having to interview all the time. I wanted a sense of stability for once. Plus, so many consultants come and go from that dept every year it would be a good place to be unless I leave to another company. I really thought it would be very difficult for a co that big to get rid of an employee, but being the only one with that title and under "training" it gave them a way to eliminate it, and they did.
After the job loss I couldn't get over it... because of various things, and it took me years to realize what shouldve not took long so I could move on.... to remember that God puts us at a job "to be on mission", we are there for him more than for anything else. I was working towards my goals... and put On Mission to the back burner accounts but while learning that job. I was a pee on low level not equal to peers in that job title, in fact they gave me a Jr title. So I needed to live well there before them and work to show myself as a peer after a few projects. Tbh I just needed 2 good ones after the little ones I was given, to be confident in the job, so/and step out more towards interactions better with peers (coming out of the shadows amd really engaging); feeling equal. But, It didnt happen, [plus they werent nice people and that was part of my holding back a little] & all were hardly in the office, as we could work in various places in the campus buildings, and many were always in meetings with diff depts and offices. But a lot of times they were in the cubicle areas with their own desks and near next to me. I didnt get far to phase 2; getting closer and seeking gospel opportunities more. But had wanted to.
8 years later unemployed and at home, having given up on "jobs"...I had to repent of my way of thinking, and all those wasted days & years when I could've been more effective for God. God was guiding me to those varied missions fields. Even though I did have a focus on that, I had hopes for some kind of "actual career and job stability". I wanted to be able to replace our car, not worry of constant unemployment, loss of our apt, hope for a home (still hasn't happened), wanted to have $ in savings [but due to "life" there was none], and just afraid to be homeless one day.
But the thing is, God provides for us, he really does. Even if its not much to us, its what he feels is best for us, and we must be grateful. Eternity will be way better. Here we just need to go His way -not ours. Our lives were bought by Him. We arent to rebelliously go and push for what we want. Not focus on our plans, goals and desires, and be discontent. If God changes something, we "recalculate route" and go that way, forward. He always provides. 😊
Our focus is on eternal things and not on what we want. Not the temporary things of earthly stuff thats here today and gone tomorrow. Don't focus on money. God provides.
Proverbs 3:5-6:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 16:9: "A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps."
James 4:13-15: "Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, engage in business and make money.” Yet you do not know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”"
Due to my injuries, I couldn't even go to church, over the years I tried, but the pews pulled my muscles everywhere and my feet don't touch the floor. It was too painful, as was being in the car. If I had been going and had close people of the brethren in my life, I would've been back on me feet fairly quickly, having been given counsel to help. I pray you can move forward, even today, and not get stuck.
Let my experience be a eye opener and also for these resources help you so you can recalculate, reprioritize your mindset and go forward following God's path for you. ✨️❤️✝️
*seeking a biblical counselor if necessary
Apologize to those you've hurt, ask their forgiveness. No excuses but that your growing in your faith and want to put that issue in the past so you can move forward together.
Shame you spoke of is pride and pride prevents us from living rightly. You do need to deal with these issues and also repent to God for not sticking closer to Him, for avoiding church and thr brethren, and pastoral counsel. Let your pastor know why you haven't been around and that you've dealt with it rightly to God, so you are back and want help finding some solid mature women in the church to help you as acciuntability partners, whom also you can seek godly counsel from. Ask him for recommendations as to who.
Remember we can’t trust our feelings. They change if we are tired or hungry or watch a sad movie. Our feelings are not the truth. We need to keep biblical mindset focus and recall Scripture to help us hour by hour, through. God is with us.
Also, The Bible tells us that when Elijah was overwhelmed, the Angel of the Lord told him to rest and eat.
1 Kings 19:5-8 describes the moment when an angel tells Elijah to eat and rest:
Verse 5: “Elijah falls asleep under a tree
Verse 6: An angel touches Elijah and tells him to get up and eat
Verse 7: Elijah sees a loaf of bread and a jar of water by his head
Verse 8: Elijah eats and drinks, and then falls back asleep”.
But just enough, not for a long period. That's just avoidance, and tbh rebellion. Though injured it was good for me to stay home to ficus on healing, though it was in itself and still is a long journey. But again, God has reasons to allow or use to protect us from other bad things.
Also we are in a spiritual battle and the enemy uses our feelings to lie to us.
1 Peter 5:8: "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith"
We must trust God and His word above our feelings. Take control of your mind by staying in the word.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
You are not alone.
Pray for wisdom and discernment. Pray for peace. Pray for strength encourage. Read the word and focus on what God says about you and what He wants for your life. 🙏
I hope this has blessed you and will be a good help.
Footnotes:
Gty sermon (# unknown)
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