Church friending advice needed for mom
Trouble making friends at 2 churches, have kids, but somethings not right, and I am lonely.
I started attending large American church, but due to cultural differences, I haven’t been able to form any friendships. So, essentially, our family now attends two separate churches. I know it’s unusual, but do you have any suggestions on how I can find a sense of belonging?
Q: So Ill give some thoughts in two parts or two ways to consider on this. And some suggested things to try.
We are not longer Jew or Gentile but one in Christ. The biblical worldview is our culture. It may take time to get used to but Christians in church see each other simply as brethren not a ethnicity. Such things are what divides pagans not believers. The only reason a single ethnic church should exist is if your in a homogenous society like Japan or an African tribe.
I would think the issue is you not spending time to get to know folk at church and so you have to make efforts. I would start by asking the Pastors and their wives who among the women at church they know are mature godly women, who don't gossip, submit to their husbands and love the brethren. Then go start forming friendships with them.
You'll be fine 😊✨️✝️.
It is definitely better to be united together at one church. If your husband is at that other church, you should go there. Do note that you don't need to be friends with moms, there are other women in the church of singleness, married with no kids or older folk who also want friends. Sometimes the season of life we are in has a few different segments, perhaps later on you will find mom friends.
I would ask the Pastors wife there for some light counsel in private, about your concerns and feelings of wanting to belong and be in friendships there. Ask how you can go about fostering friendships. Ask her who among the members are mature godly women, and whom she can introduce you to outside of church, maybe over desserts at your or her home, so you can have interaction opportunities. Ask the Pastors wife to cohort and help with topics and chit chat so you are included and they can get to know you.
Also try a 3/5 questions game. Everyone in the group can write down anonymously 3-5 questions of personal, faith based, and a question they'd like to ask a member but not by name. Then everyone randomly pick those one at a time out of a bowl to ask either the person next to or across from them, or pick another name ourlt a diff bowl to ask it to that person. Keep all the questions afterwards, and go through them. See if possibly any of those were ones they may have wanted to ask you, or had issue with you over. Don't stress over it. Just use it as a probing thought.
At the next meet up, near the end have Pastors wife, have everyone write down a note to 2 people of choice, for anything where there's a hurt that happened that needs loving resolution, a problem, irk or issue someone's not aware of, or a possible problem they have with someone. Write the authors name on the paper, and fold it up and write the recipients name on it. Then place on the table and let everyone gather their name. Have Pastors wife then state that this exercize is to foster brotherly love and help us reconcile through counsel and encouragement so as women we can walk more holy befire God and love one another rightly. So both parties can understand the problem, consider and pray over it, go to one another later this week or Sunday after church, to work to resolve it. Bith may have sinned against each other or it could be a misunderstanding. But the purpose is to lighten our hearts and go forward in the love of Christ, and stronger relationships among us.
Ask your husband if you can host some light women's gatherings at your home, to get to know these women whom you feel are avoiding you.
Hopefully this can ease into figuring out the problems, and see if there's any truth to it, or if theyre just in sin towards you unjustly. If the latter, that's their issue not yours. But you should love on them just as you would a family member, an unsaved person, or as we would with our enemies. Be a blessing to them and perhaps they'll come around one day. Ultimately you only want to be friends with the ones who seem more as true believers not the false converts.
If it still isn't working, your husband should move you both to that other church and he can do Bible studies there as a leader or student. It is his responsibility as spiritual leader of the home to protect your faith and love you sacrificially. Bring that up to him if he doesn't want to move yet it is clear there's problems not going away, after your efforts to try.
If hes staying there for race preferences, call him out on that too lovingly that it is a sin to think that way in a multi ethnic country. We are all one body of brethren, and one bride of Christ.
Now, I will also add that you can go to the other church for VBS and kids activities if the church allows it. There you can find out what parents are godly maturing believers whose kids are also professing Christ and growing in the faith. You can ask the youth leader and Sunday school teacher about that in private, as you're looking to help your kids make friends but you are looking for some too. After all you don't want unsaved or false convert moms clinging to you or their bad kids friending yours. There are things to look for, manage and seoerate from l, but if you are picky at the start, you may find a couple food ones sooner, and less problems with your kids bonding but forbidding their friendships later after finding out they're not the kind you want influencing your kids. Not strife with their mom over it. Be wise about it, and trust God.
Remember also that sometimes God keeps us away from some folk because they're not the ones he wants in our life. Whether at the Asian church or an American church. So it's better to spend that free time in the Word, growing in holiness, and with your husband.
In closing, I will note there are also other opportunities for you to meet folk in your town, nearby or your city whom you could befriend and mert up with irl sometimes when time allows. They can visit you, you can visit them, and you can meet up, besides text and calls. Here are some ideas where to find them:
* Does the church have an outreach group or department? At the American church you can ask the church secretary about that. It may be in the bulletin too. Ask even if there is a Chaplain at the church who visits old folk homes, hospitals to meet members, or goes elsewhere. If not, when you visit the churches diff Sunday school classes, ask who there actively shares the Gospel, and any who go out in town to outreach, and any who would like to. Then get their contact and play host as you help coordinate meet ups. Create a Facebook private group, and get their phone numbers, and create group chat "Outeach Crew" with them all. Manage the Facebook page and chat, plan meet ups, going in pairs of 2 to 3 wherever you are, you can do Instant Evangelism alerts too in group text. If theyre avail for meeting up "right now" rsvp and give meet up location details. You can use the material here to get equipped, and have godly men in the group polish their leadership skills by teaching these materials, apologetics etc to help you all when you are out.
You can send those who recieve Christ to their church, and give option to Asians you meet to check out bith churches. If they decide to go to the Asian one you are at, then you have someone whom you can personally disciple, and the little group may grow. They can join outreach too and soon your church will have more and more believers there. And that old clique won't matter 😊😉✨️.
Here are discipleship tips and here are resources to help them with foundational teachings, which you can do in your home, or the home of one of the ladies who open their homes for the meet up.
*You can find other friends at Christian conferences in your area or that that church puts on. But those folk are harder to vet as it takes time to build up a relationship with folk you only meet once. It is good to go where you can regularly have access to same believers, such as Sunday school... or a serving area group like outreach or kitchen helpers, or as a VBS volunteer, etc.
Hope this helps.
God bless
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