Family member constantly asks for money

Q: Our niece who is a professing believer, has a child and is living with her baby daddy. They both work, but she keeps asking to borrow money every week, sometimes multiple times a week, for different amounts. She not only asks us, she also asks multiple members of the family for all different reasons and amounts. 

My husband and I are very conflicted about this. He is the sole provider of our home as I am a stay at home mom, we are barely making it as it is. I want to help people in need and would give my last dollar to someone if they need it. I trust our Father that he will take care of us in all areas of our life. But I’m starting to feel used and that she may not be using the money for what she says they need it for

The things she usually asks money for is gas, the dentist to get her teeth fixed, or car issues/repairs. It’s usually between those reasons.

Where do we draw a line or do we set boundaries. Are there any scriptures that may lead me in the right direction. I’m genuinely in need of some advice , thank you!

A: I don’t know all of the details about your niece’s circumstances but your family comes first. It is absolutely ok to set a boundary and tell her you can’t afford to keep giving her money, or no longer feel comfortable doing so. Sometimes helping too much can turn into enabling, or abusing your kindness, so just be cautious.

You can offer to help them with a little groceries or some homemade stuff if you can afford to offer, but cut the money out. Whatever you don't give them in cash, they'll shuffle their income around, to pay those other things. They have to live within their means and if poor, there's comminity services and their church. They can sell the car, & carpool or use the bus. 

Maybe you can also suggest ways they can make extra money, or to contact her church for financial planning, budgeting, and temporary assistance. But imo there's no way they need that kind of money for those things, multiple times a week. It's horrifying to imagine someone doing that, once let alone regularly. I never would. It sounds like they're scamming family, and no one is addressing it. It would be good to have a family meeting about them/the issue, and also an intervention meeting.

I say that it's got scammy vibes because I know about people who've done that both to family and churches. My husbands siblings thought cuz we live in CA that we have money (far from it) and would call often to ask when we moved here yrs ago. He firmly cut them off cuz that's the only reason they would call. They dont ask that now, and barely contact him. My step brother who was kicked out (at age 10), ended up choosing a wrong direction in life, and he and his girlfriends (with eventually 14 kids) went around scamming churches everywhere (across multiple states) asking/duping for $ hand outs - all the time. 

If they just can't make it work, he needs to get a second job, or join the military to provide for his kid, and she needs to move out and with roommates or back home. 

Since you aren't the mom, you can't directly address the other issue, and idk if her mom is even saved or a solid believer capable of addressing this...but you can and should help her by involving her pastor... so he can call her to holy living & counsel her to move out, and to not marry him. It's forbidden as unequally yoked, and she needs to repent of living together and fornication, and her rebellion towards God. Yes hes the father of the kid but it's horrors to think of chainning yourself to someone (for life) because of one consequence of your sin that produced a baby vs diving into a lifetime of trouble with continued consequences, (and not God's blessings) if marrying him. The pastor would need to probe her salvation as well, to guide her to godly living. On top of that Matt 18 church discipline needs to begin if she doesn't move out and go the right path (immediately). The church has responsibilities to her to guide her to holy living as they're accountable to God for those they shepherd.

The child issues need to be dealt with in court for child support and health care stuff, so he's being financially responsible and doing his part. Theyll just have to share custody for visitations etc, as folk in their situation do. It's part of the consequences of their choices. But she needs to also raise the kid in Christ.

If he's got a degree that's helpful for him getting better jobs at higher pay, even gets a second job, or/and esp if he joins the military as an officer, (Airforce is best). If not, he can get a degree in the military, and be able to provide better. Plus, his kid will have base privileges and medical, dental, optical care free, anywhere. And he will be far from your neice so she can go walk the righteous path, with him in the past, living her life, and raising the kid in Christ. *Best scenario is he gets saved, they marry, he is faithful to her, and is a man of integrity. But that takes time, as does sussing out Fruit proof. They need to make decisions though, and do whats right. 

Hope that helps so you can prayerfully discuss with your husband and put the decision into action. 

God bless.