Husband revealed prostitution, porn & lust issues, can the marriage be saved?
Q: Husband revealed he sees prostitutes
This is not a easy thing to talk about, but I need godly advice . I found out that my husband was paying prostitutes after work for over three years. Never showed any signs of this. He told me he had sex with over 20 Prostitutes. Also that he had an issue with pornography and lust .
I am as calm as can be, but I dont know what . Probably and more than likely God keeping and holding me together. We have three babies ages 8, 6, and 1 years old .
When we talked I brought up that i didn’t feel that things were right and he told me he never said anything due to shame . He asked me for forgiveness and a second chance . I called my pastor and i was told by my pastor that forgiveness is the will of God and I don’t deny that . But he also said that I must be reconciled with him . Because if there’s no reconciliation there’s no forgiveness . And if I don’t forgive / reconcile I would’nt be obeying the word of God .
He also said that because my husband paid prostitutes that I am also free to leave the marriage . However id be commuting adultery / sin if i remarry . And so would my husband be commuting adultery and sin if he were to involve himself with another woman .
I have played every scenario in my head of what happens if I stay and if I leave .
And most of all I don’t want to commit a grave sin against God again .
And I also fear for my husband that he would only fall back into sin and adultery if I leave 😞
But I don’t see how I could ever not be reminded of this pain / idea that he has been with over 20 prostitutes if I stay with him . And the years of emotional neglect of me and my children for many many years .
I need prayers and advice thank you.
A: That's only partially right. Not all pastors are knowledgeable enough on this topic in Scripture, it might be lack of study, it could be he's fresh out of college, or hadn't been a believer long, or is from a humble small town and never got proper education in Scripture, its also possible you're in a false church, so I hope this helps...
If he commits adultery, and wants to leave you, let him, your free to go. If he commits adultery and wants to stay married, then remain and try to be the lightbin his life to draw him to Christ, or help him get help if he professes Christ. Its best you don't seek to divorce since he came to you, wants forgiveness, seems wanting to stop and there's hope. Divorce is only for very last case scenario, which I advise discussing with a biblical counselor about, since your nowhere near that option yet.
If he commits adultery and isn't repentant and continually refuses to no longer do that, then you can ask him if he wants to divorce you so he can live his life & you can move on in peace. But if he's feeling remorse and doesn't want to do that... we'll... the immediate issue needs addressing first-- it doesn't sound like he's saved. A saved person has a proper fear of God and would love you rightly and not do such sin. So his salvation needs to be dealt with/addressed. Only by having the new nature through Christ would one have the new desires to live in righteousness, fear God, and have the indwelling Holy Spirit to help him kill that sin and live holy. So you need to have that convo. in love. And the faster the better, today if possible.
You can send him to needGod.com to understand the Gospel, and to encourage him to turn to God with a contrite heart. Then let him talk with Pastor as a starting point. And to get him into discipleship....and further to help the godly men at church rally around him to help him as accountability buddies, and help him understand his role and responsibility as a husband and father as they disciple him.
As to your part, yes we are to forgive. By showing the loving grace God has shown us on a greater scale, adultery is a smaller scale issue, and one that can be resolved and restore to proper marriage. Its not unrepairable. Its not unforgivable. Amos in Scripture was stuck with a wife who constantly committed adultery, yet God had a plan and worked through that. Its horrible you had to have that happen to you, and I do highly suggest std tests for both of you, but do work to repair and restore the marriage. A biblical counselor will be helpful, but I hope the below also help you as you move forward, hopefully together, and in Christ 😊🫂✝️
* Dr. Heath Lambert has dealt with prostitution and porn issues, so if he's available, I suggest seeing him together, or at least your husband for his issues.
I pray these help you.
Also the sections on sexual sin, adultery, porn and lust here can help him, if he is turning his life over to Christ. It will help him conquer these sins, if God doesn't immediately remove the temptations from him at salvation. Sanctification is a process, and until he's mature in the faith, he may stumble again. So help him get the help he needs, so he can be the husband God wants him to be.
(* some wretched resources are now avail at Fortisinstitute.org if theres link breaks)
Remember, God is in the restoration business. Even if it's one where only your peace is restored. Trust Him. ❤️
God bless
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