Worried our mutual break up a wrong decision.


Q: I broke up with my boyfriend tonight.

I am so confused. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months. He is a Godly man, loves me so well, and respects my boundaries 100%. Since we started dating, he has cut out vaping and drinking, and we have abstained from anything sexual beyond a quick kiss. We go to church together every week and teach Sunday school together.

I’m confused because I have extreme anxiety that he isn’t the one. Like it’s debilitating to where I wake up and go to sleep obsessing over it. I don’t miss him when we are apart, but I don’t know if it is due to our relationship or due to my insanely busy schedule where I am constantly running on empty and just want to be home. 

He did pray that God remove me from his life if I wasn’t the one, and I have prayed that too. Is this a sign that we just aren’t meant for each other? I am so so sad that we broke up and so is he. It’s like we don’t want it to end but feel like it could be the right choice. But we are both so unsettled. 
Should I give it some time, spend time with the Lord, and see how I feel after some time? Or should I just try to get over it? Help me. :(


A: Are you a young person under 25 or older like in 30s? These can make a difference, but doesn't mean if you break up it's forever. If it's meant to be it will be. You both can take a break and check back in a couple months. You can remain friends too. 

If you meet the biblical qualifications for a godly woman growing in the faith, able to submit in love to his leadership, and he meets the biblical qualifications of a godly suitor, and he is growing in holiness, presenting growth in the Fruit of the Spirit, he's a man of integrity, is always at Church Sunday and is in the Word at home, [and he has truly given up weed, vape and alcohol for good], he's a keeper. Live in the peace of God on this issue. 

Spoiler alert: marriage isn't about love and sex (like the unsaved westerners mindset teaches in culture). It's about sanctification and serving God together. You'll reprioritize your life under his leadership and you live team Christ. Serving each other too. 

I hope this can help you both, I encourage you both to meet to discuss and watch, pray on it, spend a week ot two thinking and praying on it, and mert back up to hear what you both feel led towards. Seek pastoral counsel as well together before you finalize any move towards breaking up.




If you both don't think your ready for marriage, and need to move on until your more mature, 1. Don't ever date again until then. If you're wanting to date still... why break up? You just lost this godly man for no reason, and likewise he lost you. and 2. this can help with recovery from the break up if the decision is firmly to move on and live single until your mature enough to date towards marriage. Dating is supposed to lead to marriage, not fir worldly focused good time. Your friends and family and church brethren are your close buddies, dating is not for that. It has a godly end goal for believers. You're interviewing a suitor for a position of a lifetime. 




God bless 


Ps. If you have concerns he has not killed the sin of vaping, weed or alcohol, do not continue the relationship until he has victory over them. You do not want to be devistated married to him where he destroys his life, your life, the marriage, because of no self control, falling into myriads of sins that come from those vices. This can help with understanding on these topics for you both, so if you continue to date, ensure you're both actively working on growing holy. 

BTW you can lightly date each other so its not taking over your life, (if you are young), just commit to not dating anyone else. And you can date for a year before you decide of you will proceed towards marrying. At that time, go through pastoral counseling, pre marriage counseling, and go from there. You don't need to rush into marriage, but you don't want to wait long either. Most guys know within 6 months if they want to marry you. You just have to have peace about it, to say yes. And you don't have to marry for a year or two while engaged as you ensure he's living godly, and being checked out during that time by your family and church leaders to ensure he is the one for you.

Hope this helps with guidance and can remove anxiety and have peace and trust in God. 

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