I don't want a divorce, but he sex now & after he divorces me.

Q: Im so confused about my life. 

Husband wants a divorce, I don't. We've been through alot. Been together 4 years , married for 2. He doesnt feel things will get better or I won't change into who he needs. (I found God during the hardships of our marriage) no infidelity, just bad fights and arguments. 

We are staying in 2 separate rooms at the house. But he still wants to be intimate and have sex , sleep together at night some times, etc. 

I let us to because I guess it makes things feel "normal" again so to speak and hope that he wants me. I figured we are still married so isnt it an okay kinda thing. 

He still tells me (having sex still, doesn't change his mind) we are getting a divorce.  He's gonna file paperwork next week, and when kids are out of school he said we need to separate. 

But will also make comments saying he doesn't want me to find someone else , we can hook up , etc after we separate.... he doesnt say I'm not allowed to find someone, he just wishes I wouldn't..  I feel the same way about him, out of hope, but I'm also not the one wanting a divorce.

Im not saying his feelings aren't valid ... but this is so confusing.... this can't be love... this feels like he just wants to use me in ways without the commitment of marriage.

A: First, Congrats on coming to Christ. Being unequally yoked is hard, but God is with you. It is good that you saw we need God in our life. It's currently wonky cuz your unequally yoked now, and as a new believer are struggling to walk with the Lord, kill and conquer sins of your old self, and live in the new life. It isnt all understood/done overnight how to live in the Lord.

But second, right off with what you said, I would say, Nope. Don't sign the paper and don't move out. If he wants to move that's fine. If your on the home mortgage If your on the home mortgage he cant sell it without you. . You need to get professional biblical counseling on how to proceed and move forward. And ask your church to pray for you that God's will is done.

He's also manipulating and abusing you now but wants benefits of sex will still married. A big fat NO if hes not interest in repairing the marriage, and has audacity to try to get you to fornicate with him after he (used and abandoned) divorced you (following his selfish desires while married and unmarried). Also he's not caring about the kids which is horrible, or that he's throwing you away. Of course it is not uncommon that unsaved people do behave that way. It is in their nature.

If he succeeds in divorcing, totally cut him out of your life (!) except for having a neutral person drop off and pick up the kids from visitation [and do all child support and other things thru a lawyer. Don't give him a foothold in your life at all once he leaves you. Never be alone around him - ever]. If he tries, contact police to come out and do a report for stalking, and put a big line in the sand so to speak that he's not going to abuse you and behave however he wants to. Tell the police that he has the idea he can abandon and divorce you and still sexually stalk you, so he keeps coming around. There's no need fir him to ever see you again since others handle kid visitations.  They'll help talk to him, call him out, and put him on notice. It will be on the report which can help you in the future, but also scare him so he doesn't come around if necessary get a restraining order. I hope you don't need to and he gets the hint that it's over, and it's his fault. He blew it, and you rightly moved on. The saying is true, you don't know what you got till it's gone. He hurt you and tossed you away, hurting you more, not caring, and you've moved on. You arent going to let him back into your life. Ever.

My hope is, if the problem is because of your fighting, its nitpicking, criticizing, trying to usurp his position as leader, and not respecting him... then consider these things, in hope of restoration:  go repent to him & "to give you a chance to humbly self correct. Noting it is God's will that women live under their husbands headship". But if unequally yoked then he's not your spiritual leader. But still is leader of the home in all other matters. So, Submit. It is not a hard thing to do, as a believer is not to push for their way, but be a selfless humble sacrificing servant, as Jesus was [our example]. And to be eternally minded.

Contact a biblical marriage counselor today to have a session, and get a game plan of how to go forward. If you try to save the marriage, have a serious sit down talk with him, and repent to him and tell him you havent been acting like the Christian God has called you to, and your going to change to do that now. And that if he stays you'll work on those changes. If he agrees, do your best to live as a godly wife, growing in the faith and Christian maturity of holy living.

If he stays, you work hard, he will see how a Christian can and is to live, and [prayerfully] it may lead him to Christ sometime soon. Then you will live equally yoked, and he can grow and learn about properly being a leader over the home and the spiritual leader. ✨️ 🙂

Idk what his vision or demands are about what "he wants you to be", but if it's outside of holy living, you can't do it. But if the problem is the above things just noted, then you can work towards that,as all believers are called to do.

My hope is he chooses restoration after talking with you. If not, he is breaking the marriage covenant and that's on him.

Contact a Counselor right away, today.  For solid advice from a biblical worldview. Any marriage counselor at the directory can helpguide on on what to do right now. And you can go from there (in follow up sessions).

Helpful resources on Arguments & Submitting and etc 

Also as a new believer, this resource will bless you as you grow in the Faith. 

Hope these help

P.S. idk if you "coming to God" means you are being religious or if you got saved, so make sure you did get right with God, or settle that matter right now. ✨️✝️

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