Husband job hope, wants wfh now, & has been unfaithful in the past & fed up wife seperated before *
Q: I’ve been praying as this particular issue I’ve been dealing with for a long time but just wanted to hear from other ladies their insight on what they would do in the situation because if I speak out, I’m shut down and called a nag. My husband likes to job hop. Recently he quit a job and told me he had a job offer for another job lined up but it wasn’t true. He quit because he wasn’t happy with the job. Just a bit of back story, I’ve been paying majority of the bills for years as he doesn’t sustain a job. It got so bad that my previous apartment we lived in, i broke the lease and moved back in with my parents and kids because of his lack of contribution. I originally had left because he was cheating but anyways, I thought he was a changed man and by no means is anyone perfect but we are in our own place again at the second home and he quit few weeks back and it’s a repetitive cycle. This time he says he only wants a work from home job, but that can take quite some time to find, and the bills will continue to come in. I expressed my concern. I want to remove him off the lease if he is not able to find a job in a timely manner as I notice he only applies for jobs when he feels like it. I’m just tired. It wears me down and paying 2k in rent by myself is not something I can continue on 😞 doing.
A: Is he saved? Is he pursuing holy living? Are you a member of a local church?
These are reasons people fail in life because they're not right with God, not pursuing holiness, not in the Bible daily, being guided by it, and arent under the authority and shepherding of the church where counsel and church discipline help guide us on the rightnpth and into maturity.
So unsaved or weak men who don't have that as their normal way of living, fall away from their responsibility and role as leader and head of the home. And it can get worse, including some issues you already noted. So I suggest having a convo with him about this issue. And ask the pastor over for intervention and counseling (if husband won't go to meet pastor with you for counsel/correction /guidance at the church). Men need discipleship in the area of leadership and role of husband, so they can be guided, encouraged and mature in their role.
Right now he's severely needing intervention. As he's not doing his job as husband, provider, leader. He needs to take and keep any job until the one he wants turns up, if it's God's will fir him to. You never leave a job [and put family in jeopardy] without having the one you want already lined up [job offer].
I'm wondering why he wants a work from home job. Why doesnt he instead want you to have that kind of job. Does he do all the work at home, or do you? If it's you, the hour to 2 hour savings of not commuting would bless you, and give you back some time. Tbh men are to be team married, and be equally helping and taking over home related work too. It's not just and never was only a woman's job. So... something possibly sketchy is there. Why does he want to be at home in private for the hours you ardnt home. Is it for more & easier infidelity? Is it to be lazy, etc whatever it is, it isnt for the best interest of the marriage. He's sacrificing you for his preferences instead of being the selfless sacrificing servant he's called to be as head of the home. Husbands are to live his wife as Christ loves the Church.
These all need to be discussed in pastoral/prof biblical counseling, to help him course correct, and kill his selfish fleshly desires.
If he's open to further counseling, they'll help him deal with these being explained, and recommend books and resources as homework during the course of the counseling.
http://counselingchristians.blogspot.com/2023/12/nothetic-biblical-counseling.html
http://longertweets.blogspot.com/2023/08/resources-believers-pg-1-books.html
http://believersanswers.blogspot.com/2024/10/how-to-intemtionally-probe-someones.html
https://longertweets.blogspot.com/2022/07/find-church.html
Its very possible he's not sure his purpose in life, or he's fixated idolatrously on money or easy job that let's him do what he wants while lounging at home. There could be things he's concerned about but are misplaced and thus not trusting God.
If unequally yoked I hope this can help you, cuz until he's saved you've got a load of grace, forgiveness and love to live out in patience as you trust God.
Verses to meditate on:
Proverbs 13:20: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."
Ecclesiastes 7:12: "For wisdom is a defense
Matthew 10:16 "Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves."
Spouse Verses:
Colossians 2:6-8 reminds us:
"Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
And these
Titus 2:4-5
4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 31:10-12
10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
Titus 2:4-5
4 ... urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
1 Peter 3:3-4
3 Your adornment must not be merely external... but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Proverbs 12:4
4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
These verses collectively emphasize the value, trustworthiness, and moral character of a godly wife, highlighting her role in supporting and enriching her husband's life.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14
12 ... if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
1 Peter 3:1-2
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
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