Older teen needs help balancing parental relationship at home
Q: Is it normal to be frustrated/angry with your parents as a young adult? And what do you do about it
I’m 18 and I’m about to graduate highschool but I am just butting heads with my parents really badly, especially my mom. I mean I do still live at home, I’m still in school. I am homeschooled and don’t go many places, bc I don’t have my drivers license yet, so I see a lot of her and she just really gets on my nerves. She tends to be a bit emotionally immature and a bit controlling. I obviously have mental work to do as well.. no one is perfect.
I’ve seen some people say it’s normal and happens as you get older but I just need advice on what to do about it. I just don’t know how to live with her and manage this, at this weird age where I’m an adult but also not an adult at the same time. I need advice to help reason with her to let me have more freedom to be an adult. It feels suffocating and kind of can't wait to move out.
This and the resources there can help.
In case by case areas you need advice on, I suggest you contact or meet with your youth pastor, the pastor or maybe the pastors wife, or a godly mature woman at church who has kids your age or college age, for light counsel, so they can impart wisdom and considerations for you, to contemplate and seek God about in prayer and through Scripture to make good decisions, and not just go with your feelings, esp when your upset. Take time and then discuss with your mom after.
Ultimately you will need to communicate with your mom. If your father is in the picture, or they're married, as the head of the home you should consult him too. If no father around, consider a godly relatives advice and light intervention to talk with her.
If you are striving to do well, God will help you through it.
PS. I would try to get a drivers license, soon, even if you don't use it till later, (unless you live where subway & bus transport is everywhere), because if [God forbid] anything happens to your mom, you will need to help her or if she's no longer here you will need to be able to get around to work and college. Same is true after graduation going into the world.
I had drivers ed in HS, but my parents never let me drive, nor get a license...and so after leaving home, I couldn't even drive while in the military. I did try once a few yrs later, after coming back to US, but they brought me to the dmv where the dragon lady was whom never passed people on first time, and they knew it. They thought it was funny. 🥲 It wasted a trip and very hard saved money to come home. It wasn't until a year after I got out that I got a driving teacher and got my license.
I was unable to enjoy traveling and going places in Europe because of that. Though tbh it could be God was protecting me from a crash with disabilities, hurting others or killing me or others, or even being jailed over there. So I trust it wasn't meant to be then. The #1 cause of teen deaths (16-23) is car crashes. So my advice is be very careful when you do drive, and try not to go anywhere you don't need to.... until you have a few years of safe and distraction free driving under your belt.
As to moving out, life comes at you hard and it is very hard to make it on your own unless your parents are well off and help or fully pay your way till after college. It has always been that the children live at home until they get married, and that they lovingly obey their parents. A balance is hard sometimes, but your time under their roof & protection is coming to an end, so cherish it and just let things go. Most things are not a hill worth dying on mor with hurting your parents feelings when they worked so hard for 18 years to get you to this point. Your mom's whole life has been raising you, and soon she will have to cope with the empty nest. Be patient, loving, caring and forgiving.
And do stay in touch often after you move out. ✨️
God bless
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