Why folk online encourage you to stay with an abuser?
Q: I’ve noticed online, that a lot of women encouraging women to stay in abusive or toxic relationships . Encouraging to pray for their spouse to change. I’m still learning in my walk with God. But when I look at what God’s word says about love - I always believe God would want the best for his daughters . Why should we settle and wait for someone to change ? I also do believe in God’s grace and showing grace toward others. I’ve been confused because I’m currently in a situation where I’m engaged but I experienced a few situations of physical and verbal abuse, and decided I want to end the relationship. But then I’ve being told by some people to pray for him for him to change or that maybe I’m meant to save him. But then I think why would God want me to put up with anger and aggression. I had expressed multiple times how it was making me feel but he never changed and once I finally decided to end things for good, he says he will change and do better. I’m already emotionally detached and I believe we both should heal separately.
A: You chose wisely.
Not everyone online who claims to be saved is. Many are children of Satan who like their father masqurade as an angel of light, decieving folk. False Christian "churches" sects and cults are everywhere online as well as other idolatrous folk who are cultural Christian pew sitters, who neither know God nor have His Spirit in them. These decievers find their way into "Christian" forums. Do not listen to them. Its always beat to get advice from your pastor first, as long as your in a Bible focused church.
Married advice is not the same as single, dating or engaged advice.
God called us to remain married, or divorce and stay single. We want to avoid someone not following Scripture on the issue, so we guide to see a counselor. There are things folk are very unaware of and wrongly encourage running away, divorcing, and not following God's way.
Equally yoked folk work in Christ in love. Unequally yoked spouse has not God, has not love, thus patience and guiding are necessary with the hope of salvation and transformation.
For those professing Christ but purposely rebelliously dating an unsaved person we strictly warn them to not proceed. Exit the relationship. Its not your responsibility to try to save him. God will bring godly men anyone his life to do that. Bad unbiblical advice like "staying" when your not married to him... is bad advice, do ignore such.
Here's resources for dating, to help guide you to better choices in the future, and not even give some dude the time of day nor look his way if he fails the basic test; (vetted as) a truly born again believer.
God bless
Related
Verses to meditate on:
Proverbs 13:20: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."
Ecclesiastes 7:12: "For wisdom is a defense
Matthew 10:16 "Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves."
Spouse Verses:
Colossians 2:6-8 reminds us:
"Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
And these
Titus 2:4-5
4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 31:10-12
10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
Titus 2:4-5
4 ... urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
1 Peter 3:3-4
3 Your adornment must not be merely external... but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Proverbs 12:4
4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
These verses collectively emphasize the value, trustworthiness, and moral character of a godly wife, highlighting her role in supporting and enriching her husband's life.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14
12 ... if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
1 Peter 3:1-2
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
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