Husband professed Christ, won't go to church, prevents the kids going, and other issues, should I leave?
Q: I need prayers …I’m sure I know what I need to do, stay, pray for my husband...but I’m just so lost and so sad, hurt, & feel humiliated…
My husband "came to God" again at the beginning of January, never thought that would happen, great but only thing is he doesn’t want to go to our local church, he wants to only watch [ redacted] preach because he claims that’s “his church”, thst he’s tired because he works all day Saturday and Sunday he "just can’t" go there physically, he tried going to resurrection service but "couldn’t" get out the door to get there. It sounds lazy excuse.
I was sad because even before he got saved he would go here and there with us. But now "not once". And he gets mad when I go. He’ll tell me to leave our 2 year old because “why does she need to go?” And if I take her he makes my oldest teen stay. Like to punish me? I’m just trying to take my kids ofc I’d love to go as a family but forsure most definitely my kids need it. I need it.
Well I got sick really bad a month ago I still have a cough but I planned to go today and my father in law was in town, he even agreed to come with me and the kids on friday, but my husband said hes to tired from work...but still knew we would go. He woke up Sunday knowing we had those plans and said he was going to get coffee with his dad. I said your dad said he wanted to go to church....but ignored me and left. He also took my other child with them and I thought ok it’s fine... I will still go with toddler and other 2, but when we were backing out of the driveway my husband was arriving... and at first he said leave the baby and I agreed I said ok, then he said no because they had some plans and as I was backing out my child that went with them said “stop the car! I’m coming with mom!” So I did and then my husband starts yelling ,” you never go, why now” x2 and I was so confused like if he didn’t remember we all got sick this month, and again maybe I think twice before going because I don’t want to deal with this.
I said “we had this planned”? He said “I don’t give an f what you had planned” , so I drive away calmly so confused like if he hadn’t asked that morning “are you going to church?” …he watched church online this morning, iam so dumb but I even sent that pastor a message over a month ago begging him to preach about how we still need to go in person? Not just watch online… I just felt humiliated, my kids heard ofc but idk if my neighbors heard that, or if my father in law heard or my brother, worse my kids went to church probably feeling yucky I know I did. I just would tear up during worship and after I came home I made breakfast my husband acted like nothing and so did I...but I couldn’t stop thinking how unhappy I am, how unhappy I’ve always been. I’ve forgiven a lot in the past, he use to cheat and worse, I’m just thinking of everything and it’s like he hates me, like maybe he’s just with me for the kids and ok but now what? I just stay in this loveless marriage. Where I’m heartbroken constantly. There’s so much more that he’s done but today just felt different.
Maybe because my kids are getting older. It’s hard to tell them to believe in God when we have to go through weird bipolar episodes? I try to do everything right, cook , clean and it seems to never be enough. He hasn’t cheated in 6 years that I know of.
Since I gave my life to Christ things did change even though he didn’t become Christian right away. I know if I tell him I want to separate he will threaten something. Threaten to kick my brother out (even though he’s hardly ever home) he won’t allow it. He just embarrasses me in front of family and I try to protect his image so my family doesn’t hate him. This is why I have no one to talk to about this… I just want prayers I guess.. I just wish I could leave with my kids because that’s where my minds at..he’s acting like everything’s fine and I’m not I’m hurt. This is just going to keep happening…. This is our lives…
A: No idea who that guy preacher is. But yes anyone who loves Christ and the God revealed in the Bible will be around the brethren in and be in Church on Sunday, and whenever it's available. They will go because it is a priority. It sounds like he's being lazy and avoiding chyrch likely cuz there will be reality there, and will feel accountability there regarding his sins and wrong way of living. Its also why people dont read the Bible. But God is always watching, not just at church.
Many claim Christ but hold idolatrous beliefs, making up a god or Jesus they prefer. Both those who are false converts and true converts read the Bible, are engaged at church, but only one proves true by persevering in the Faith, & whose life was radically transformed by God at salvation. Does he love and actively read the Bible? Has his thoughts, actions, words and beliefs align with Scripture? Is he pursuing holy living? If not, [as your post alludes to] he has no new nature nor new and right desires. Thus he's in idolatry and not saved. Hes only selectively accepting things he agrees with [like in a moralism way], and has not surrendered to Christ.
So do what Scripture says, live as an unequally yoked "godly wife" before him who is radiating Christ, and obey God over man.
Hes not your spiritual leader nor the spiritual leader of the kids, you are. Take them to church. He cant tell you what to do in this area. Let him yell and be upset. You, go obey God to train your kids up in the Lord. Don't let Satan steal that from the kids, they need to learn about Christianity and biblical truth in a safe space place - the church and the car to and from with you. In peace, without his interference.
He will lure the kids from church, and encourage that rebellious sinful way of life, "do what you want" that follows Satanism, as long as he's unsaved. And since - the kids might "play games" [like he does] since it's a divided house - without a saved father; a godly man leading them, where not going to Church isnt an option... - you will just need to use godly tactics. Let them know the night before, in their room, as they go to bed,: "I do want my children to know & love the Lord, & understand Christianity. So I do want you to come to church every Sunday with me. If you want to do that, come to church with me. But, to avoid all the drama with your Father on Sunday mornings, simply meet me in the car at 8 am tomorrow, and we're off. I am leaving at 8am sharp. I would love it if you join me. Good night, I love you" And leave it at that. And say that bold part to them every Saturday night. *Don't bring up anything to your husband. He knows Sunday is when the believers/congregation gathers at Church to worship God and attend Bible study. Just do your normal Sunday morning routine, and then go out the door. When you get home, if he yells and asks where you were, or about the kids. "I/we are where we should be, to quote young Jesus, 'I was at my Father's house'" .... and/or include: "God calls us to raise the kids up in the Lord, and not to forsake assembling together - so that's what I'm doing and where were were, and will be on Sunday's. Since you proffess Christ you should be there too, unless your a hypocrite giving a bad example to the kids". Say that last part kindly. So no unnecessary additional attempts to fight with you start or escalate.
If he gets mad, oh well. Those who are in darkness hate the light. They'll be at odds with you and the truth and God. Don't compromise. Dont leave one kid behind. The unsaved do things in sin and push for their way. And unsaved husbands try to get their wives to comply to avoid confrontation; [the husbands evily force a] unbiblical "submit-comply" [scheme] -with their unloving demands. They are to love you as Christ loves the Church, but cant and dont and wont if unsaved. Trying to prevent the children going to God's house or where God is on Sunday; where the gathered congregation worships and serves Him, isnt loving. It's trying to keep them unsaved like him, as children of Satan, or those trapped by him in bondage to sin. Thus they're seeking to do sinfully by whatever pleases them on Sunday, including grieving you who loves your God and Savior, (and keeps the kids from the Savior).
Its a spiritual warfare situation, which requires wearing the armor of God and growing into maturity to withstand the arrows of the Devil and his schemes --incl the games he plays in your family's life. From his dr jeckle mr hyde ever changing demands, to keeping your kids out of church, to his gaslighting and fits, to the dad who chose coffee over worshipping Christ [and being a bad example to your kids and to your husband -as if Church and God dont matter]. Keep pressing onward, obeying God. And be at peace about it, even if your husband isnt.
I do suggest having your pastor over to meet your husband, to probe him on these matters, call him to be in church, but also to go over the Gospel with him too, cuz he seems to have embraced a false gospel. He needs others outside the home to hold him to his "profession", and call him to be at church every Sunday, and not prevent the kids from being there either. Unless his hypocrisy is exposed (so he can't hide behind closed doors of the home, without any accountability) he will continue on the path of sin.
*Have that convo w the pastor in advance, then invite him over for Saturday or lunch or Wed dinner [a day] when [you know] your husband will be home. And to agree to the below:
Have him come back the following week, maybe Saturday afternoon with the mens group leader to again to stop by briefly to call him to come to Church on Sunday. And introduce the mens group leader.
And again the following Sunday with the decons to stop by briefly to call him to come to Church on Sunday.
And finally if he's still not coming, stop by briefly to call him to come to Church on Sunday, introducing both the adult and teens Sunday School teacher to him. And give an expectant invite, and try to get his word that he will come...and bring the whole family tomorrow, both for Sunday School and worship.
If your pastor isnt willing to do that, move to a biblical Christian church whose pastor will. Only a good pastor "willing to engage" unsaved husbands (and ones who profess Christ but whose life doesn't show it..) in your home, in counsel, probing and calling him to Christ... are the only churches worth going to.
You can find a church here and discuss this with the pastor as a prerequisite to you joining his church.
As to helps to love holy before your husband, and grow in the Faith into maturity, to handle these darts from darkness in the home, the below will help.
God bless
(* see odd job hours 411)
*What believers need to know before running off to seperate or divorce
*contact one to help you through your concerns, and varied issues that arise so you can have godly counsel and a path to walk to get through it.
Playlist 1 - varied
Playlist 2 - Preventing divorce
*lots of helps and guidance here
*In here is a treasure trove of Resources, helps and guidance in many areas of the Christian life, besides typical Christian stuff, to help you into maturity of the Faith and in living out a holy life day to day.
*Can be used to discuss/teach your kids to honor & obey you regarding going to church, and pursuing the Christian life. For starters.
*Bookmark this page to go through these in the coming days and weeks.
✝️✨️
Ps. As to him monkeying around outside, going to snc from coffee or whatever, once you get in the car, keep the windows up, and go on your way. Wave as you go (if he sees you or says something), and going about your business. Do not stop to talk. Hes (through demons influence) finding ways to sabotage your kids going to church, or likewise going to entice them with a fun activity to lure & distract them from God. Stop giving him the ability to do that. Just go.
And Sat evening, keep your car keys, phone and purse in a place he wont try to "take or hide them", cuz unsaved husbands do crazy things.
Be vigilant.
Proverbs 13:20: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."
Ecclesiastes 7:12: "For wisdom is a defense
Matthew 10:16 "Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves."
Spouse Verses:
Colossians 2:6-8 reminds us:
"Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
And these
Titus 2:4-5
4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 31:10-12
10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
Titus 2:4-5
4 ... urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
1 Peter 3:3-4
3 Your adornment must not be merely external... but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Proverbs 12:4
4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
These verses collectively emphasize the value, trustworthiness, and moral character of a godly wife, highlighting her role in supporting and enriching her husband's life.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14
12 ... if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
1 Peter 3:1-2
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
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