Guilt and regrets on fornication in college

Q: There has been something weighing heavily on me for a while, and I just ask for godly, but gentle and kind response.

Growing up, I was always taught and always intended to wait until marriage. I was as dead set as I could be, and I never had any temptations about it… until I got to college. It’s no excuse, but I was disconnected from everyone I knew and my spiritual support, and with that I fell away somewhat. 

So, I had sexual temptation for the first time ever, and I didn’t know how to handle it, and I eventually “gave in”. It’s been a few years now, and I’ve asked God for forgiveness and repented, but I’m far too ashamed to tell anyone of faith, especially my close friends and parents. I saw my close friends, who are all married now, get excited about being with their husbands for the first time, and I heard how special it is to learn and experience it together. I feel like I’ve ruined everything in that regard. That I’ve not only ruined myself, but ruined what was supposed to be a special moment, and I’ll never be able to take it back. Have you had similar situation, and did it diminish your first experience within marriage? 

Also, how can I go about getting rid of this overwhelming shame? I know in my head that therefore there is now no condemnation for anyone who is in Christ, but my heart is not catching up. Every time I try to talk to God about it the feeling just gets worse. I hate what I did, and at times I seriously hate myself for it.


A: A new relationship is its own. Once you marry your focus will be on him, and in union with ministry in Christ too. Its not something you need to share or discuss with others, even your future spouse. God has forgiven you. Many Christians came from sinful pasts, and many Christians stumble into sin. The fact that you hate it and it concerns you shows God at work in you. Dont let Satan trap you in endless negative thinking on it. God has forgiven you. Put it in the past, and move forward. 

Dont let negative thoughts or fear of what others may think of you on this issue impsct you. Everyone who strays can be restored. 

....And that's basically also the Gospel point when you think about it. Fallen man can be restored by God thru Christ. A believer still sins cuz were stuck in this sin stained body and as Paul says do what we dont want to do. Also the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. We have to mature in the faith in time in our sanctification walk. We arent perfect at salvation but perfect in God's eyes cuz of Christ's redeeming work. Younger folk may stray into sins [esp without those around them to guide them well], but... Jesus leaves the 99 for the 1 who strayed. He won't leave you there. Think the Prodigal son illilustration too.

 Remember these things and dont focus on past regrets. Thank God for leading you back to the righteous path, where you grew in understanding, grew to hate sin more.... and that's a growth testimony! That's a praise to God. He has molded you and shaped you to be more like Christ. 😊

Thus you can live for Christ, not in guilt but gratitude. And you can proclaim Christ, share Christianity and the Gospel with them, unashamedly. ✨️✝️


God bless! 

Related


Also see 

Ps.  Condemnation comes from the devil, there is no condemnation is Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). 

If you are concerned your not saved cuz you were at a place that has Christian groups, Chapel and Church around the area, but you didn't go during college, there's a possibility you might not have been saved. A believer will desire and actively go to Church, study Scripture, and get counsel from godly believers there. They'd also strictly warn not to see any unsaved person and only a guy who is growing in holiness and pursuing purity, placing boundaries too to protect you both from sinning against God. 

Here's helpful dating advice to help you in the future. And note most important is hard rule in not being alone with the person in private nor their home/residence. That will stop 99.9% of the temptations that lead to fornicative sin. 

Going forward, heed these... and go follow Christ. 

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