UY Bipolar ADHD husband
Re: UY raging, discontent Bipolar ADHD husband whose on & off about God, wife has concern over influencing the kids.
He has been diagnosed as bipolar so I feel like the mental health aspect is a part of this although honestly his mania presents more like ADHD (impulsive with new hobbies/business ideas and wanting to drop money on them) with a side of just being a mean, ragey person. Anyway, I’m not positive where the bipolar diagnosis came from, he found it in his chart from the therapist that he had seen once or twice at the time so I feel like it may not be accurate, but on the other hand some of it adds up so maybe it is.
My question is how do we as a Christian parent protect our kids from our unequally yoked partners sinful behaviors. My husband has been increasingly ragey and impatient with our kids, yelling and has even started cussing at them. When I bring this up to him he yells at me saying that I won’t let him parent his kids. Yesterday I very nicely asked if he could try to watch his language around the kids since we have several littles who will repeat these words and he laughed, rolled his eyes, and said he “knew this was coming.” He accused me of controlling the house and the parenting. Ended up going on a tirade of how "he can’t live his life the way he wants, listen to the music he wants, watch the shows he wants, and talk the way he wants because he has to be fake for me."
I’m really just asking him not to do these things in front of our kids, if he wants to cuss, listen to questionable music, watch inappropriate tv shows/movies, drink, whatever then that’s on him and between him and God. I’d just like to protect my children from the influence of it. Am I wrong? Should I just learn to be ok with his influence and pray harder that my kids won’t be affected or God will use it to show them how they don’t want to be?
My heart is broken because my 12 year old son idolizes my husband and honestly is following pretty hard in his footsteps. At the end of the day I’m just scared for my kids. And while I don’t agree with my husband’s “parenting” (aka yelling) it’s also not necessarily something that I feel like I should leave him for, because at the end of the day he’s not physically abusive and I could see a judge granting him 50/50 and then I wouldn’t be there 50% of the time to be a buffer. So I just don’t see how leaving would help anyone. Obviously I need to be praying more for my kids and my husband and realizing that the real enemy here is Satan, but other than that what have you all done to shield your kids from things that are wrong, without causing your spouse to feel like they’re being controlled? I could really use some encouragement today!
A: There are unsaved pastors in pulpit everywhere who are living outwardly as if religious. Cults folk do it too...and of course those in other false religions. They're in idolatry and their sins until saved. They can live in "a form of moralism" that "appears" theyre living right well, but then their mask falls off at times - which reveals the truth. The below touch on this.
If you are [growingly] living a godly life in front of your kids, teaching them also the Bible at home, and seeing you live out the Christian life, then your shining Christ into their lives. If the kids come with you to church on Sundays theyre also learning from Sunday school teachers too. If your husband goes sometimes then theyre listening at church and taking it in.
-Idk if the kids made any friends at church, you can ask, (if their parents appear solid believers) and try to invite those kids over frequently to hang out at your home, so they can influence your kids.
-Have the parents over sometimes too. Do let them know your believe your husband has this issue and you would really like to know what godly men at church could try to pour into his life to help lead him to Christ and understand Christianity.
--Maybe that parent could invite him to the mens group bbq or small event gathering during the summer. So they can influence him.
I would also try 2 other things.
On a good day with him:
1. Talk about the Gospel.
http://believersanswers.blogspot.com/2024/10/how-to-intemtionally-probe-someones.html
This will help you do it. *As until he's actually saved he will lash out and desire sinful life and behaviors. Sounds like he doesnt even want to be married or responsibility of kids and leading a family. Like he just wants to go live in sin. If he gets genuinely saved he will desire to love you as Christ loves the Church, and live out his role as a Christian man pursuing becoming more like Christ too.
2. Ask him about going together to couples counseling. Regardless of the above.
- seeing Counselors who counsel based on biblical worldview are vital.
-you can go for yourself to get help and a plan forward if he refuses to go. Or if you need help from time to time to navigate a situation.
-You dont need to tell him theyre Biblical Counselors. Just call it "marriage" or "couples" counseling, with the intention of understanding each other better, and even working on areas you can improve on as wife. That is going to be true in the counseling and when the other spouse has issues with their partner and esp of unsaved, their focus is always on you as the problem. The counselor [pick a man] will point out his wrongs and sins, address his salvation issue, and help with his "disorders". So yes God will use that counseling to help you see areas you can grow and improve on as Christian and wife, but both will be getting the help needed from a biblical worldview. So ensure you schedule appt with them, and go. He doesn't need to know the details. You can just say you were referred to them if he asks.
Heres other resources that can help him (if you pick good timing) & he's open to it.
It will be things addressed in Christian counseling (solo visits, not couple visits). But these like the moralism stuff above can address the Dr Jeckle Mr Hyde sin nature issues, with the Gospel focus at the forefront. *What he needs most is salvation as God will transform him, give him spiritual life and make him a new creation instantly, so he's got new and right desires and heart. And lives it out from the inner man, [ see Believers Fruit ].
Ultimately your behavior, reactions, and Christlike behavior will also be planting seeds in your children. And if you talk about things in your comings and goings together [as you go about life] then theyre hearing things from a biblical worldview. Even if they run off in sin at 18, they may come to/come back to God by 25 or 30. Even if they make false professions as teens.
- If you have Christmas at your home [policy] as a family thing, you can at least have them as adults go to Church as a family as a part of the Christmas gathering, as theyll hear the Gospel, you can reiterate it at home, and have the Christmas message read, perhaps play Christian music in the home lightly volume, and play a Christian movie as part of the gathering.
-If your husband does get saved, he will be able to influence his older/adult kids, in any broken situation theyre living [outside Christ] because of the Fall and his influence, and God can use all these things to turn the kids around back towards God. I know of folk saved at 70, 90, 102 and 107! God saves, so pray and have hope.
These also might help the kids now.
*Such "outside" godly influences and resources can help plant seeds too. 🙂
Other resources for you can be found here if youre looking to shine Christ more and regarding growing in maturity in the Faith as a woman of God:
Unequally Yoked Resources for living godly before your husband
*includes parenting resource 😊
God bless
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