Complaints over wrong pizza led to hurt feelings and bruised pride
Q: My husband bought a swing set for the kids, which I had no idea until I saw him and an employee bringing the packages into the backyard.
After they got everything in the backyard and he was opening it up he noticed it had a lot of pieces so I asked him how can I help and then he told me what he needed help with so I set up a picnic blanket outside and put the baby on it to play with some toys (we have a 9 month old, a 4 and 6 year old together and a 13 and 18 year old from his previous relationships).
Around dinner time and with us still building the set ...I ordered the kids pizza for dinner because I wouldn’t have time to make dinner. When the pizza arrived the order was wrong and I was annoyed because it happened the last time I ordered but I set up the kids with their pizza then I went back in the backyard where he and his son who is 13 were and I was telling him about how the pizza order was wrong and he got upset with me and told me he doesn’t want to hear about it, and asked me if I see how he and his son are quiet I should do the same. I was very hurt by what he said but mostly because his tone and the fact of the way he spoke to me in front his son, so I walked away in the moment, and then after his son was no longer there I went to speak to him and let him know how I felt and tell him that he didn’t need to be mean he could have done it in a nicer way asking me if I could speak to him about it later -and he said that I need to learn to read the room and I asked him if I have something to talk to him in a moment. But if I’m not allowed to then who do I go to if not my husband and he said that there are a lot of people out there that would maybe listen to me run my mouth/conplain, but it was a stupid thing for me to do while he is working & under pressure. I can understand if he just wanted quiet which he could have expressed without being rude especially since our son was there but I never that impression nor did he say anything.
I’m looking for advice on how to resolve it without us arguing or what you would do in this situation.
A: Hes the leader of the home, and just like workers have a boss, we should be looking for what's actually being said there, not running on emotions due to hurt and pity parties or pride in how it looked to the kids watching this. Your bith to train thrm up in the Lord and these are good teaching moments.
I can understand how this can happen. We are in a fallen world, even if hes saved, guys dont want to hear complaining. Its an area we all need to mature in as we age, and grow in the Faith. Guys dont want to hear all kinds of problems. They want peace at home, and to be successful in what they put their minds too at work and home. If it was me when he said that, I would say, "you know what, you are right. Complaining is a sin against God and I shouldn't have burdened you with that, and the kids either. I am grateful you work hard to provide for us, and we all [while looking at the kids] need to remember this and thank God for whatever He provides for us."
He was excited of all the fun the kids would have on this, and takes a lot of work and mental consentration fir safety in construction (to not mess it up and potentially hurt a kid if it falls apart), & was under time constraints for the night. And... in a perfect world he would know exactly how to respond lovingly and graciously every time, and to also be a good example to the kids. But were not perfect.
This is similar with the area of complaining to our friends, or even gossiping. Take all things to God in prayer, and likewise know what's prayer and discussion worthy among the husband and wife during couples time, to address and have a biblical plan for such situatikns in the future. In fact it could become the family bible hour discussion/teaching used the next day to train up the kids, using real world situations. 🙂. You can apologize to each other and the kids and discuss why it was wrong. And show verses. We all learn something new every day that helps us grow in our faith (into maturity), and this is one.
Also, in such life situations we *should* be looking for the nugget in the dirt as we sift through it like gold miners to look for what's good and valuable, and toss the things invaluable and unworthy. Do you let them cause hurt, bitterness etc. Look for golden truth nuggets.
Heres helps on complaining, discontentment, disapointment, and on Conquering Emotions.
Further his response could've allowed you to show grace (whether he was kind or not). He might not have known the best way to handle that conflict resolution, and probably thought about it later. It's a good idea to brush up on or maturing more in having a right mindset; living out grace, love and forgiveness for such encounters.
Ultimately in all these areas we should thank God for bringing it to our attention so we can become more Christlike. It's a good example sitiation we can all learn from. 😊✝️✨️
Ps. It would be a good idea to have a "blessing moment" & prayer over the play set, and reminding the kids that while dad bought it and put it together as a gift, its from God the giver of all good gifts. We worship and love the Giver not the gift. So don't misuse the gift to where they neglect their chores and responsibilities, or it will be taken away. 😉 It's another teachable moment.
God bless
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