Counseling hasn't helped our marriage & decided to leave to seperate
Q: Can you please pray for me? I took a step of faith to leave an abusive marriage. It’s caused me mental health issues.
He has cheated twice. He is verbally/mentally abusive. It actually almost cost me my life and I wouldn’t be here with my kids if it wasn’t for God pulling me through that. God didn’t tell me to divorce but feel its right for me to separate. Also, I have been supporting our family financially 9 yrs. He has not contributed. I will not renew my lease here so that he won’t help out. The Bible is also clear on boundaries isnt it? The gaslighting, manipulation was too much. I will leave till next month and the days feel long.
He continues to try to pick a fight. He says I’m a promiscuous woman and sleep with other people when this entire marriage I have never cheated on this man and it’s frustrating. He also tells me "I am not covered by God’s protection" since im leaving him.
We have had many counselors within church and outside of church. I believe God will guide me through this.
I’ve had to naturally try to calm my anxiety down as I dealt with the panic attacks back to back often.
Please pray I can get through this transition smoothly, as I am just so tired and he is trying to break me.
A: I believe based on the earlier and latter parts of what you shared, that you are acting on emotions instead of following the biblical mindset and worldview Christians are called to. And youre focus might be coming across as ME focused instead of Loving your unsaved husband through this season. It might be partially that, so do examine yourself well so you dont step into sin or go down the path that's not the one a Christian should pursue, as its outside God's will.
Even if as a unequally yoked wife, we are to live by Scripture not the ways of the world and definitions they make up (so we can blame others). It takes 2 to tango. 2 to break down a marriage.
You vowed to be married for life, in good and bad times, and promised this before God who joined you two together. I pray instead of running away, you go to more biblical counseling for direction before proceeding in any direction, or at least have your current one give you a game plan so its not long term seoeration that leads to further sin happening. This situation didn't happen overnight. If you follow Christ, you are to live godly and follow God's Word. Which includes not "your" interpretation of it.
If you dont have a Liscensed Biblical Counselor you can contact one here
How should Christian women handle abuse situations, regardless.
Divorce & Remarry
What believers need to know before running off and seperating/divorcing.
If you go through these prayerfully, submitting to God, it will bless and guide you well, into peace.
If theres physical abuse happening solid counselors would advise temp seperation off and on while working towards full restoration. But you only noted non physical spiritual warfare type of abuse, or what the world defines as abuse and narcissism, that stuff is just sin. And using worldly terms isnt how a Christian should think nor embrace those, we ise Biblical words and definitions to call sins what they are in truth.
The concerns and behaviors he's exhibiting appear as all unsaved people do. They're in their sin nature and can do nothing but sin. As believers we are to shine Christ in the home and be godly wives as examples. So those issues are normal in an unequally yoked marriage, but God doesnt want us to pursue divorce, or make it worse by seperation without it being purpose based.
We all know in unequally yoked situations its really about spiritual warfare; a battle. Ultimately the issue on his end is that he needs Jesus. And as godly wives we should be ministering to our unsaved spouse with the intention of and goal towards his conversion.
If you haven't [ever or recently] genuinely lovingly kindly tried to share the Gospel with him, to really get him thinking about God, so God can transform him into a new creation, giving him spiritual live, with the righteous nature to live out the holy minded godly attributes, you might want to try. Cuz until he's transformed, he wont have the ability to have right new and godly desires to live as God designed mankind to in Eden before the Fall. He needs his image restored. Only God can do that in him, through the Gospel of Christ.
A solid biblical counselor would try that as part of the counseling, so the sessions are focused on a biblical worldview to resolve the sin problems going on, and disciple-like guide him on the godly path forward, [and if saved, get him plugged into the churches mens group for home/leader discipleship as a man with a role and responsibility to live out], as they'd counsel you to do also in any sin areas you need tightening up and maturing to understand and go towards too. And help you love him more, as God calls believing wives to.
If hes unsaved or behaving as a false convert, this Unequally Yoked Resources will help you better live godly before your husband, and hopefully bless your marriage, even if he rejects and refuses to obey the Gospel. Perhaps one day in God's timing he will. And then you can rejoice together, and he can praise and thank God for blessing him with a wonderful wife whose love, like Christ's, was so deep and wife, sacrificial and selfless, that it helped lead him to Christ. He will cherish that treasure.
God bless
Here's some verses also you can meditate on as a believing wife.
Colossians 2:6-8 reminds us:
"Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
And these
Titus 2:4-5
4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 31:10-12
10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
Titus 2:4-5
4 ... urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
1 Peter 3:3-4
3 Your adornment must not be merely external... but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Proverbs 12:4
4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
These verses collectively emphasize the value, trustworthiness, and moral character of a godly wife, highlighting her role in supporting and enriching her husband's life.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14
12 ... if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
1 Peter 3:1-2
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
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