Bad life decisions, no friends, no job, no car, bf & kid, disappointment, regrets, future

Q: Need suggestions regards of myself and my own healing as I’m soon to be 28 and I have zero friends, no job and am disappointed in life.

I have friends from high school or middle school and I don’t keep in contact as they started their own lives or I’m always put on the back burner or they just moved away and had their own lives.

It’s been 10+ years since I had a female (same sex) friend seems like after I got a relationship the timing wasn’t good or he would disapprove of. Or they wouldn’t stick and end up treating me horrible such as A. Being my friend and stealing B. Being a friend and trying to get with my partner. Or C both. Either way I haven’t had the best situation with getting or having friends within my adult years!

It’s been very rough. I feel such regret and pain even hate and jealousy which I know isn’t what a person should be. I just don’t know how to to deal with I had a kid after a great job and lost it (was fired for maternity leave) and I felt that was my time to shine since being in a relationship and trying to be more positive. All which I feel ended up weird or i feel to out of place . Now I see all my ex co workers or friends or people i knew at work or over the years or at least talked to . I get conflustered or feel ashamed and embarrassed! Since than I had my kid. My car is broken, and I’m driving something that was born the year I was made. I have no job no cash and I can’t even do anything to feel pretty from financial situation with myself and my partner. I blame it on my partner but I know it’s in myself I did wrong. I just don’t know what to do or how to feel. I feel deep inside I need someone tot all to and I try to explain it to my partner who tells me I should pack and leave if I’m not happy being a wife. But I just feel so much depression and hate all in one for knowing I could have done something more positive and meaningful. In such I know I don’t have anyone who would go to my own funeral compared to him in such I know know would would care if I died compared to him. How does one deal with this like should I leave cause I have no job no car no house and so far no one who would even support me in ways where I feel the lived and respect needed. I just know it it’s not his fault but I know it’s mine own and I want to get batter at it I don’t want to cry in the parking lot for others having friends or spending every birthday by myself.

A:Don't focus on others, but yourself. Your choices landed you where you are and you have to suck it up. Take action to change snd live right, not in a pity party mindset that robs your peace and joy.

Without a firm biblical foundation to live out our faith wisely, (such as before we were saved), there's all kinds of sinful decisions and pursuits we pursue, for selfish reasons. If all that happened before you were saved, then its part of your life story - and God has you going the righteous path now. If you made bad decisions since then it is likely cuz your not in the Word daily being guided by it, and by the godly counsel of the mature believers, leaders and pastor in counseling at your church (before you do something or get involved with someone).

You should never date any guy who is not saved and living holy. That includes not living with him, nor visiting each others residences (in private places) to put yourself in sexual temptation situations, or where he can prey on you to coherse you into sexual sins, or trick you to think sex = love. It doesn't.

No guy (whose not your husband) should dictate who your friends with. That's a red flag. Unless he is godly & was guiding you away from bad influences & non Christians.

It is better to wait for good godly friends God sends your way than to grasp onto others, as you noted which led to bad experiences (with not treating you right, stealing from you, trying to steal your bf, etc). We should primarily seek our friends from within our local congregation; close knit community of believers together pursuing holiness (with accountability).

There are likely changes you need to make right away, such as if you are living in sin with your bf. Idc if hes the baby father. And if hes not saved... you cant be in a couples relationship with him. Period.

It makes sense to a degree to have regrets over past sins and bad decisions, but thats in the past and you have to live in the today. ✨️So make all the changes you need to so you can live holy in your tomorrows.

If we are trusting God, that means we know He is soverign, in control and has our best in mind for our life, as he has a purpose for us here. We rest peacefully in our mind and spirit knowing that, so we don't need jealousy nor hate, cuz we are not looking at what others have, knowing we are not missing out, as we are going the direction God has for us, even if that means singleness for some years as he matures us & we grow into matutity in the Faith by the knowledge of and understanding in the Bible, so we can live out a holy live that pleases God. Only then are we "prepared and ready" for what he has in store for us. Till then your just marching in place futilly, like the Hevrews in the Wilderness - not ready to enter the promise land that's flowing with blessings.

All the above also points to that while you ended up with a child, (maybe through sin), and your job ended, God was moving you on, towards where he wants you to be (and seems to still be moving you towards that now). Nothing in life is permanent, nor comfortable, nor perfect. Eternity is where all the blessings and perfect life will be. Not here. Here we go through suffering, and are to be on mission for God, and for you that includes raising your child up in the Lord, being a godly witness and counsel to your child so he doesn't fall into the sin traps you did, and hopefully gets saved & is being guided to live holy.

So it is fine if your job is lost, God is moving you elsewhere, for good reasons. Many you might not realize for a decade (or after encountering someone at a new job that you share Christ with). Like the Apostles, or even Jonah -God moves us where He wants us, & to serve faithfully. Life isnt about us building a career or being in what we might desire of stability.

So again, no need to feel embarrassed if you run into those firmer coworkers. In fact, when they ask how you are, what your doing, etc. You can tell them how God has moved in your life, (and it gives a foot in), to share the Gospel, which you weren't equipped to do before, &/or to give testimony to God working in your life.

We arent all going to live the same lives. We are all different, and God uses that, our personality, skills, abilities, experiemces, location, and servant heart to go & live for Him.

Look for the opportunity in life's situations, if somethings going on... God is up to something. Stay sensitive to that and those Gospel opportunities and spiritual growth opportunities.

So first, thank him you have had a vehicle, and for Gospel opps with the tow truck driver, the folk who help you, the repair shop people, (&your godly attitudes and mindset while in the situation and talkjng with those folk), and for the folk at church who help you financially or give you a loaner car, etc. Or use local transportation to be free of the expense and burden of a car.

If you were married to a true believer I would say your job is at home to your husband and in ministering to your child as he is the mission field God has given you long term; investing into the child's life towards Christ. But if you're in a unequally yoked relationship and living in sin, you need to exit that, and be ready for what God will bring into your life. The church members can help you find a job, and a place to live (even temporary lease with a member in a spare room till you are on your feet).

You say partner and wife, so it's confusing, cuz youre one or the other. If not legally married...get out of there immediately. Call your pastor and get helps & arrangements. If married, I pray it was to a believer pursuing holiness or you've put yourself in a life long situation of heartbreak and problems as hes not born again so he has not Christ, nor the new nature, and only sins. So you'll need guidance on living with an unsaved person, and love godly before him to hopefully lead him to Christ.

Pity parties are not the answer. I've had family who didnt care about me since I was born & after joining a blended family (problems at home, severe issues connected), have had few friends (due to reasons not me) in school till high school, lost friends due to moving around, or with friends [the best ones are frim church] but since adult they always move away, move around, become pastors or missionaries... and God moves them where He wants them.

I had financial difficulties, several jobs, work folk who tried to pried into my life, gossip about me (cuz they dont know me), problem coworkers (as you cant trust em), some sorta good associates from work who stayed in touch, but all the good ones retired, moved away, or were here temporary from other states. Had bad bosses, been thrown under the bus, worked at companies that closed, downsized or didnt like me (cuz I was Christian) so they found ways to get rid of me. I still did my job well till the end (which God sees). Had constant vehicle problems, many car accidents, physical injuries for decade or more. Have had thieving military roomates on base, people trying to take advantage, ailments and now incurable cancer. So what? God worked in all those situations. God uses those situations to grow us in various ways. And uses us while there or wherever we are - as missionaries for the Gospel.

What's more positive and meaningful than living for/serving Christ? Being a faithful servant (who pursues glorifying God) is our focus. Our eyes are to be on Jesus and the eternal.

I encourage you to shift your mindset, and focus to be "biblical", so you live in peace, and can move onward in joy, know God has your best in mind and tbh going His way and living for Him, brings blessings. Don't be like Jonah who was disciplined for being rebellious and was stuck stagnating and in a pity party (in the whale) until he finally obeyed God. Go the right way now, not later. Don't lose out on what God has planned for you (and the eternal rewards coming) for the faithful.

I hope you pursue that kind of life, as it is the only one of value and that matters.

God bless

Resources to help 🙂✨️✝️ :

Maturing into a right mindset; living out grace, love and forgiveness

https://longertweets.blogspot.com/2023/07/resources-believer-right-mindset.html

Dealing with Regrets

https://longertweets.blogspot.com/2023/12/dealing-with-regrets.html

Dealing with Discontentment

http://snsanswers.blogspot.com/2024/01/counseling-learning-to-be-content.html

Finding Godly friends

http://believersanswers.blogspot.com/2025/05/godly-friend-guide.html

Dating resources