Came to Christ but began sinning a lot & am stressed over it
Q: at 24 I finally got right with God. I had finally & easily given up drugs but it only lasted 2 weeks.
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Sin & Satan came at me hard, and I lost sight of God just a couple months after, and i caved and went back to everything, except I became worse. I became an evil person, someone i don't recognize at all; obviously i'm not evil in like a danger to society way, but i mean living in the most sin i've ever done, cussing more than ever before, i'm irritable, i drink, i've become so angry and cold.
I think the absolute worse part of all of this, and this is so so bad, but I don't want to give up the drinking and medical marijuana, i don't want to give up some aspects of my sinful lifestyle- I want to change, but i don't if that makes sense, i guess i'm not willing to move forward, just stuck in this pit of suffering, & hate who i've become, but i can't get out of it. Every day is the same now, i'm stuck in a vicious cycle.
I am distressed about wanting to stay in this sinful lifestyle. I think the flesh has just really digged deep into me, but my spirit wants to connect with God.
A: This is a heavy, raw struggle, and the very fact that you’re reflecting on it, after newly coming to Christ, is significant.
1. Understand Your Struggle Through the Lens of the Flesh and Spirit
Believers often talk about the already-but-not-yet tension of the Christian life:
The Spirit vs. the Flesh: Even after conversion, believers are not instantly perfected. The “flesh” (our sinful desires and habits) is still very active. Romans 7 describes Paul’s struggle: “For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” This is not failure to be Christian—it’s part of the ongoing sanctification process.
Feeling trapped in cycles of sin doesn’t mean God has abandoned you. It means the battle with the flesh is real, and you’re aware of it—which is itself a work of the Spirit.
2. Grace, Not Guilt
Christianity emphasizes sola gratia—grace alone:
God’s love is not conditional on your perfection. You aren’t too far gone. 1 John 1:9 says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
You may feel shame or disgust at yourself, but shame is different from conviction. Conviction brings you to God; shame often paralyzes.
3. Your Desire vs. Your Sin
You said: “the spirit wants to connect with God” but the flesh doesn’t want to let go of sin. That tension is actually an indication of life in Christ:
Your desire to connect with God is the Spirit working in you.
Your resistance to giving up certain sins is the flesh fighting for dominance.
Christians have a sanctification walk. We would call this mortification of the flesh—the process of putting sin to death in your life. It is often gradual, not instant. Even small steps toward God matter.
4. Practical Steps
!A. Daily Dependence on God’s Word
Reading Scripture, even just a few verses, and meditating on God’s promises reinforces the Spirit’s work. Psalm 51 is particularly poignant for repentance.
B. Prayer for Spirit-Led Change
Honest, humble prayer acknowledging your weakness and asking for God’s empowerment is key. Ask God to give both desire and strength to turn from sin.
C. Confession and Accountability
Confess sin to God—and, where possible, to a trusted brother/sister in Christ. Accountability provides external support and encouragement.
4. Small, Faithful Steps
God doesn’t demand perfection instantly. Focus on repenting daily, choosing to pursue holiness moment by moment, even if failures happen.
5. Remember Justification vs. Sanctification
You are justified by faith alone—your standing before God doesn’t depend on perfectly overcoming sin.
Sanctification (becoming holy) is progressive. God uses your struggles to refine you.
5. Encouragement
Believers love righteousness and hate sin. There's a struggle there to want to conquer it, since sin is an assault on God. Those who love God want to love Him and that means pursuing holiness.
Struggle is common in seasons of sin, but it doesn’t define your identity in Christ.
Wanting to change but feeling unwilling shows spiritual tension—it is not hopelessness; it’s the Spirit working in you.
The cycle may feel endless, but God perseveres in His grace to bring you back. You’re not stuck beyond repair.
You might ask, well... would someone who professed faith but went back into the world be a false convert, or would this indicate saved but paulish & just not winning sin battles as a baby believer, who needs discipleship and guidance into holy living? Having an understanding your sinning by doing these things.
1. A Perspective on True Conversion
Salvation is monergistic—God alone initiates and completes it. A key idea is perseverance of the Saints:
True believers will persevere in faith. They may struggle, backslide, or fall into sin, but God preserves them.
Temporary profession of faith without lasting fruit may indicate someone who was never truly converted, as Jesus warns in Matthew 7:21–23 about people who call Him “Lord” but do not do the Father’s will, are not known by either, but those saved Know God and God them (1 Corinthians 8:3, Galatians 4:9 ).
2. Backsliding vs. False Conversion
There is a difference between struggling deeply in sin and having never been regenerated:
1. Backsliding believer:
They were truly saved.
They might live in deep sin for a time, feel distant from God, and even embrace worldly patterns.
Evidence of salvation: the Spirit still works in their conscience, and there remains a desire to return to God, even if weak or inconsistent.
2. False convert:
Professes faith outwardly but never had the inward regeneration of the Spirit.
Sin may dominate without any internal conviction or desire for holiness.
Eventually, their life shows no fruit of the Spirit over time (Galatians 5:22–23).
They either continue pretending till exposed (Matthew 7:21–23) by Jesus, or walk away having never been of us 💥
3. Key Test: The Desire to Return
The fact that your spirit wants connection with God and you feel guilt, shame, and distress over sin is actually evidence of the Spirit’s ongoing work.
A false convert typically would feel indifferent or hardened, not torn between flesh and Spirit.
4. Remember what Paul revealed
Paul’s struggle in Romans 7 is instructive:
“For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.”
He describes a genuine believer wrestling with sin, feeling trapped in his flesh while the Spirit desires holiness.
Early believers often experience intense sin struggles, especially with addictions, anger, or habits ingrained before conversion.
So, your experience fits the pattern of a saved but struggling believer, not necessarily a false convert.
5. Bottom Line
Professing faith and falling into sin does not automatically make someone unsaved.
Desiring God, feeling conviction, and seeking restoration point toward true salvation—even if growth is slow or erratic.
Sanctification is gradual, and early stages of Christian life often feel like a battle with “baby faith” wrestling with entrenched sin.
6. Call to Action
I will say that its imperative that you read the Bible daily. It is our daily guide, it washes us and renews us. God speaks to us through it. And you should start each morning in the Word with prayer (before and after). God will use that to soften your heart, keep you humble & pursuing Him & a holy life.
New believers need to wear the Armor of God and know this is a spiritual battle against sin. Not caring about the sin is a red flag, but its bothering you, so it is a good indication, but you do need to conquer sin. After all, Christ died for our sins, so we dont want to trample His sacrifice, we want to live holy lives showing Christ indeed saved & transformed us.
Romans 6:1–2:
“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! (God forbid). How can we who died to sin still live in it?”
This can help you understand sin better and how to deal with it as a Christ follower.
This can help you self examine, so you can go from there, confidently.
If you would like help conquering alcohol and drugs, a biblical counselor* can guide anf help wuth a game plan, and be a accountability partner too, to help you have victory over it.
God bless
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