Unsaved husband judges me & says I'm not saved 💔✝️

Q: When my husband and I are in disagreement about something he will hurt me with his words. Yesterday he told me I am a fake Christian and not genuine since he can't recall me ever bringing anyone to Christ given how long I have been in relationship with Jesus (many years) and kind of scoffed about. He says I'm all show and not a real Christian. He even called me a faithless Godless heathen recently.

It did make me second-guess my walk with Christ and wonder if I'm doing it right. I do love Jesus with all my heart and desire to walk with him until my last breath. I do try and model Christ-like behaviour as much as possible. Although I am a shy, anxious and awkward person at times, I don't hide my faith and I'm proudly Christian. Ultimately the goal is salvation and souls, and I do hope to help bring people to Jesus. I have a non-Christian friend mum who I pick up every Sunday for church and her two kids as she asked for a ride once and so I have been picking her up and dropping her off ever since.

Recently for the first time ever I stepped out of my comfort zone and raised my hands during worship and closed my eyes, unashamed. It took a lot for me to do that and all the courage. And I loved that moment between God and I. Husband told me that was just all for show and that I'm fake. Can he be right? Is that boastful to do that? Now I don't want to do it anymore 😭

He says he barely sees me read my Bible or pray. Oh I do those things, just not around or in front of him, because of his highly critical and judgemental nature that I have come to know so well over the years. There was a period of years of alcoholism where he was the most nasty mean person to me but I still stayed.  He doesn't drink anymore but can still be super mean sometimes when he is angry or triggered. He only says things like this when he is angry. He hurts with his words. I lived through years of verbal and emotional abuse from him when he was an alcoholic. Some of it still comes out in his angry moments.

Advice & prayers pls.

A: Sorry to hear this. Sometimes those close to us dont really know who we are, & arent around a lot or arent around while we are doing things that show our faith. There's spiritual warfare there, and sounds like hes not saved, but God is on his mind. You sound like youre unequally yoked, but God can use that, as you live out your faith and have genuine convos there. 

Going to church, raising hands, reading the Bible & taking others to church, doesnt save us nor prove one is saved. After all false converts, those in cults and false Christian religions do the same. What matters is if you obeyed the Gospel and have been born again by God. If you have, then youre pursuing holiness and growing in the Faith, Fruit and Fellowship with God in a personal way. Of course you'll pursue to do whats righteous and good works... as God is doing them thru you 😊. It is great you are showing love to others and care about them knowing God, by ministering to them (like carpooling & trying) & are serving God in that way.

Btw, your husband might intuitively realize many hand raisers are not genuine. If God showed him that, then hes thinking in those things (what a true and false convert looks like). A lot of people and churches don't raise hands btw and its not an indication your not saved if you don't. Many can fake that too, some are genuine. Don't feel you need to do it. Your heart and thoughts are raised to God, so you dont need to do external things as if it is important or shows lack if you dont. These outward things are what mostly unsaved folk do who have external religious stuff "for show" who are spiritually dead inside. Doesn't mean you are unsaved. Just noting that you dont have to do that, as God knows your heart. Heres a resource that can help you self examine as Scripture calls us to. If you find you are saved, there may just be areas you need to "grow more in", and still have sins to conquer [we all do, and its good to], and thus Christ shines more in your life, which your husband will see. Once you have assurance on that, his words wont rattle you again. As you'll have a firm faith. ✝️✨️

Your husband is noticing things. Idk if you told him that (about raising hands) in confidence or if he went to church with you & saw it, but he seems guilty of what he claims about you. There's definitely some ministering you can do with him. 😊✨️

It is "interesting" he said something about witnessing to you. Most spouses dont say that. A lot of believers have no idea how to witness or share the Gospel. But they can learn, gain confidence and go do it. Practicing it irl helps build more confidence as they go. For many, until trained, they will try to find ways even small things, and God will use that. You got a mom and her kids to come to church! Many cant even get that, and if they do, they dont come for long.  Since shes already coming, it would be good if you would like to try to witness to her, as shes already open so theres nothing to fear (there). This video and convo starter is good to use. And sorta helps test the waters (and think through) before that convo with your husband 😊.

That will likewise it can help you go have that convo with your husband. Not only will he see youre witnessing to someone, but afterwards you can share with him that "you had a similar convo with (car church gal), and can kindly add that you do share what you can with others, you (he) just don't see it. And there's no guarantee nor requirement for folk to get saved when you witness, thats all a work of God. He converts, we just faithfully present the message. Believers wont know till eternity the full impact our witnessing had on the world & future generations by our faithful seed planting. Likewise I [you] read the Bible daily but not when hes around to see it. Having personal time with God isnt something one has to do in a showy way, as if others seeing it puts any validation or legitimacy on it, since Christianity isnt like false religions that only do outwardly things, but are spiritually dead inside." He might have a new good view of you 😊, and respond positively to Christianity too from that convo.

On a side note, I think it is great he stopped drinking! Many cant overcome alcoholism. But they become one to mask their problems instead of taking it to God and trusting Him through life's ups and downs. The good news is, if he receives the Gospel & gets genuinely saved, he will go to God & His Word from now on, and to godly men at church for counsel. But also God will transform him, not just at salvation but progressively through sanctification like me and you. If the Holy Spirit (who indwells believers at salvation) is in him, then he will have the Fruit of the Spirit. Not the broken counterfiet moralism that the unsaved have, living life and doing things to get something out of it nor to stay liked by those in society who adhere to them, but a genuine conversion causes us to hate sin, love righteousness, grow as well as conquer sins. So he would no longer be judgmental, self righteous, prideful, and angry. But live out the loving spirit "having spiritual life in him" that flows outwardly. And will be equally yoked to you, pursuing to love you as Christ loves the Church. Love will be a key trait of his, and along with it will be a patient, forgiving, kind, grace thinking and living person. Which means when mistakes are made, you both will lovingly forgive. Likely just brush off the little things, hear sorry more often and come to repent, restore and reconcile with you when he really blows it. And you likewise can too. 

I encourage you that if you are saved, give the suggestions here a try. Follow up too if he disregards or rejects it. Also get a good understanding of suffering as its a key reason unbelievers reject God cuz they dont understand why God doesnt just fix it all. "Well he is through faith in Christ transforming one by one. But if he did it all at once, every unsaved sinner being hellbound would get swept away in judgment too. Because God is perfect and just and loving. It is right to judge and he does so perfectly by nature. God's love isnt the distorted view man has of Him. They dont know what He is like besides not knowing Him. But thru the Gospel they can come to know and love Him ❤️."

Make sure you live out that love before him, even when he hurts your feelings or is unloving. He "doesnt know what he is doing" since the unsaved are blind.  

Remember unsaved sinners behave and talk as their nature is; sin. They'll constantly hurt our feelings, sin against us and let us down. If you face it with a godly mindset of love, you'll be thinking better about through situation; more biblical worldview, and you wont feel hurt but will instead pray for him and hope God saves him. You're way of thinking through situation is informed, shaped by and your responses and thoughts wont be to retaliate... but be love & loving. Shining forth Christlike thoughts, reactions and prayers. 

God bless 

Related 

Helps to grow in Christian character