Considering leaving our church

Q: We are struggling with considering leaving our current church. It in someways is a solid church. I do like the way the teachings are set up. 

My issues are: 

●weak leadership- lack of church discipline(if there is any at all, no one is aware of it except for the elders). 

○I personally feel 2 of our 4 elders are not qualified. 

●There is alot of gossip (one of the elders wife's is a huge part of that, and she is young and unteachable- goes as far as to say she won't listen to older women). 

● We have some members that are socialist and will admit to it and are very into all that entails. 

●My family personally feels very ignored. I used to try to text and try to meet for lunch with our pastors wife, and always got ignored- finally gave up trying. (Its very cliquey, including the elders).

●My biggest concern is while we do not have women elders or deacons, it has been preached that our church's position is that its not wrong, and could be considered in the future.(i do think enough members would be against it for now, that it won't happen for a long time). 

We have visited another church with a solid reformed baptist pastor, who we like. 

My problem is that we have been here for almost 15 years; my parents (my dad passed 5 years ago, so i feel connected to him in a way there) and sister and her family go there. My mom isn't saying it but does not want us to leave, even though she agrees with me.

I do think the kids teachings is better at our current church. The one we visited has a youth group but I'm honestly not sure how deep it is. 

I have an 18 almost 19 year old I am encouraging to make his own decision about it...but I have a 12 year old that I want to make the right decision for, he has always been at this church. My husband likes the church we have been visiting but we want to make sure we leave for the right reasons.

I guess I just need some advice.

 

A: Lots of red flags here, things to discuss, even with your kids and family, then pray & make a decision, based on your husbands lead. 

I would at least sit and have a conversation with either the senior pastor or one of your elders to share your concerns. 

I would not stay in a church where leadership is not requiring holiness, not acting to correct & disquslify leaders, further a leader is "kept" in a position hes disqualified for (due to not teaching/ managing his wife; godly/submission issue) and church discipline isnt happening. Where gossip was present and ignored, socialism was present and encouraged, and there was a chance that women would be put into positions of authority. All of these actions go against Scripture and the most important thing you want in a church is for it to be biblical. And those things not dealt with teach & influence your kids, besides breeding & teaches them complacency, hypocrisy, lazy walk, and not fearing God.

In looking for another church, if you have found a solid biblical church and their youth program is light theologically, maybe consider sitting down with the pastor or one of the elders there and finding out why. Even a church plant will take several years to get the youth and children’s ministries where they need to be theologically. Not because there is a lack of desire there but the people have to be developed to fill those roles and that takes time. So perhaps it is a work in progress at the new church. 

As for your mom, maybe she will come with you in time. I heard of a mom who moved in with the daughter (after the stepdad died) who left her church of 20+ years. The most significant thing was she had been in independent Baptist churches for 45+ years and she left them for the daughters reformed baptist church...where she is so happy, loves that church and realized how much she "was missing" in her former church biblically and theologically.  

And your mom will likely be want to be with you and her grandkids, so that can be a drawing point as well. 😉, as with your 19 year old, since it is good for family to be together. Of course if that current church has a college group... he can occassionally go back there for special events, to be around believers his age that hes friends with there (just guided to not hang with ones in the homes noted as problematic above). If he understand the problems in the church and is pursuing holiness, he will realize its best to not go to that church, but maybe just retain a few friendships from there which he can meet up with outside that church... since young folk grow. Its not their fault the church there is messed up, and those under 25 just might not be mature enough to see those problems in seriousness or truth yet to say hey we do not want to stay here, [like you]. Maybe your older son could encourage his closest believing friends from that church to come to your new one. If there's a college age group there it might work. But it is good to be with family than on ones own. Especially if yall live in the same community. So encourage him to just come to the new church anyway. 

Ultimately you daily teach and spiritually guide the kids at home primarily anyway, and that they get in Sunday school just reinforces things you teach, and shows others in church sldo learn these things. Worship hour is in the Sanctuary and at least by a certian age they def should be in there with the adults. Seperate "worship for youth" is ridiculous. Such churches water down things and should be avoided. They need to hear the deep robust biblical truths presented in adult worship, or young folk theyll leave church thinking it was "just fun activities while a child". They'll have no foundational truths and understandings for holding to Christianity, and go out to embrace the things of the world. 

You didn’t mention how your husband felt about the situation. Are you in agreement on all the things you mentioned?

Ultimately he is your Spiritual lead, and has the final say.

Though at home you can teach, educate and point out things the kids need to know, so theyre using discernment as they grow, for when theyre on their own, esp if they move out of town for trades, college or work as adults. 

God bless