Help. Family bash our godly biblical marriage

Q: Needing advice on how to deal with “backlash” from family and friends about living a biblical marriage. My husband and I are far from perfect, but our basic biblical foundation is that he is the head of the household, and while I have a voice and my voice is heard, my husband gets the last say. My husband would prefer if I didn’t work, but I absolutely have the choice to. I also like to consult my husband before I make decisions or do things to be respectful and because I care about his guiding lead. 

My family does not take to this very well. My younger sister and her bf have a very modern, anti-conservative, non-Christian relationship structure and don’t want kids or to be ruled by the “misogyny” of the Bible. She’s made comments that if I don’t have dinner ready by the time my husband gets home he’ll be mad. My father has the mindset that a woman who doesn’t work is worthless and he has told me a few times that my husband will leave me for a female coworker who is more of a hard worker. He also makes jokes that doing things will “get me in trouble” with my husband or that I will have to “ask for permission” to do things. I genuinely don’t know why they make these jabs other than that they don’t like Christianity. 

My husband is the sweetest, most loving man I have ever met, hence why I married him. He’s never given an indication that he’s abusive or controlling, nor wandering. I’m a very non-confrontational person so I’m at a loss as to how to get them to respect our marriage and our lifestyle. I’ve already told them these comments hurt my feelings, yet they persist. 

A: Unsaved folk wont see nor understand let alone embrace biblical worldview, because theyre blind to it. 

They dont see it as the loving framework God designed for marriage and relationships. They see only with sin nature framed eyes (everything is broken). [Yet, 👉Christ restores]. They are prideful not humble, theyre self focused not loving servant Christlike focused. So they cant see and desire it. Only once saved a person will. 

Just live your life, and find ways to point in short comments how it is biblical truth aligned. Living godly will draw them to Christ or repell them. There is division within homes and families unequally yoked. Keep being a light. And loving submitting wife. 

Here's some helps:

How you can respond both practically and spiritually when unsaved family members push back on your marriage structure. Focus on clarity, gentleness, and biblical grounding.

1. Recognize the source of opposition

• Biblical principle: 1 Peter 3:1-2 – “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives…”

• Your family is unsaved or not walking in a biblical worldview. They are seeing marriage through the lens of pride, self-centeredness, and cultural assumptions. Their “backlash” often comes from their sin nature, not from your actual behavior.

• Key insight: Their comments are more about their worldview than about your husband or you. This removes the personal weight from their jabs.

2. Respond with gentle truth, not argument

• Scriptural posture: Ephesians 4:15 – “Speak the truth in love.”

• Practical ways: 

• Short, calm statements affirming your choices: 

• “We’ve prayed and chosen to live according to biblical principles in our marriage.”

• “We’re both very happy with how we organize our home and roles.”

• “Our decisions are made together prayerfully and with love.”

• Avoid debates; their goal is often to provoke, not discuss. Responding with brief biblical affirmations shows you are not hostile, but grounded.

3. Maintain your unity as a couple

• Biblical foundation: Genesis 2:24 – “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

• Your husband’s love and leadership, exercised in a Christlike way, is the anchor. Your unity communicates strength: 

• Don’t let family comments create division or self-doubt.

• Have a plan together: e.g., “We agree to support each other in these decisions, so that outside voices don’t undermine our marriage.”

4. Practice wise boundaries

• Scriptural support: Proverbs 22:3 – “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”

• You don’t need to justify your marriage endlessly. Setting gentle but firm boundaries is biblical: 

• “I appreciate your concern, but we’re happy with the way we run our household.”

• Limit exposure if comments are relentless or hurtful. It’s okay to protect your marriage from corrosive influence.

5. Be a witness through godly conduct

• 1 Peter 3:3-4 emphasizes inner beauty and a gentle, quiet spirit as a witness.

• Your life lived faithfully in marriage speaks more than debates ever could. Over time, consistent Christlike behavior can either: 

• Spark curiosity about your faith, or

• Make them uncomfortable—but that’s natural; the gospel often divides (Matthew 10:34-36).

6. Keep perspective on their words

• Biblical truth: Colossians 3:23 – “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”

• Their cultural expectations are rooted in worldly wisdom, not God’s. You are accountable to God, not to human opinion.

• Humor or light acknowledgment can diffuse tension: 

• “I’ll take that under advisement, but we’ve prayed about our routines.”

• This communicates confidence, not defensiveness.

✅ Key Takeaways

• Their words are not your standard—God is.

• Respond with gentle truth, not argument.

• Unity with your husband is your armor.

• Set boundaries where needed.

• Live a godly witness; let actions speak.

• Keep perspective: cultural opposition is inevitable; obedience to God is paramount.

More Examples

They are firm, loving, and grounded in Scripture, without being argumentative:

1. When they mock or joke about your husband “being in charge”

• “Our marriage roles are prayerfully based on biblical teaching, and we’re happy with how we organize our home.”

• “We respect one another and make decisions together. That works best for us.”

2. When they comment about you not working or your husband “controlling” you

• “We’ve chosen a lifestyle that works for our family. God calls husbands and wives to love and serve each other, and that’s what we’re doing.”

• “I’m fully involved in decisions with my husband, but that doesn’t mean I’m not active or fulfilled in other ways.”

3. When they make sarcastic or critical remarks

• “I appreciate your concern, but we’ve prayed and are content with how we run our household.”

• “We live according to what we believe Scripture teaches, and it works for us.”

4. When they pressure you to conform to “modern” pagan/liberal/feminist expectations

• “We understand that others have different priorities. We’re following God’s plan for our family, and it’s working well for us.”

• “We make decisions based on Scripture and prayer, not cultural trends.”

5. General, reusable responses

• “We’ve found God’s design for marriage to be a blessing, and we’re sticking with it.”

• “Our unity as a couple is important, and we appreciate your respect for that.”

• “We’re accountable to God first, and we want to honor Him in our home.”

Tips for Using These Responses

• Keep it short – Long explanations can invite debate.

• Stay calm and neutral – Don’t let tone escalate.

• Use Scripture subtly – You don’t need to quote every verse; a reference to God’s design or prayer is enough.

• Stand firm, with grace – Respect doesn’t require agreement.