Lonely- Mad at God for lack of Friends ⭐️
Q: I’ve been pretty distant with God lately, I don’t want to be but every time I try to push through and read the Bible I just get so angry I have to stop. Right now, I honestly think it’s stemming from feeling like God doesn’t want me to have any friends. I haven’t had a friend in so long, and I recently stayed home all weekend to watch my sister’s pets while she went to see her best friend who lives out of state, I was happy to do it, but it also just brought up a lot of complex feelings. It’s not a simple jealousy thing when I see people doing stuff with their friends, etc. It breaks my heart, and people will say “Just focus on God” or “Make God your friend” and I’m honestly tired of hearing that bc it makes me feel like I’m not allowed to desire friendship, like I’m asking for too much just bc I want a friend. Even my sister hardly spends time with me, which hurts even more than not having friends. I’m not closed off, I’ve done everything I can to “get out there” it just doesn’t work, why it is so difficult? does God want me to be friendless when it’s killing me? There’s nothing to learn from this, it’s went on for too long and it’s just getting harder to cope with the older I get.
I know none of this is an excuse to shut God out, I just really hope I’m not friendless bc that’s where he wants me to be is what I’m saying.
A: Theres def stuff to learn from this, youre just not seeing it being blind to it. You're only looking at it from a selfish and sinful perspective. So it looks like there's areas of maturity you need to grow in.
Wouldn't it be better if God kept you from bad friends (in this season of life) where it all ends in a devistation and heartbreak for you? God wants the best for his adopted children, so you're looking at the issue wrongly, and in sin trying to force (& judging) God cuz your not getting your way the way YOU want it to go. That's not the attitude of one whose surrendered to God and is serving Him. We are to seek His will not ours.
Perhaps he DOES want you to focus on Him and studying Scripture right now, instead of being distracted by the gift (friends) instead of on the Giver (God), and avoid stunted spiritual maturity, and the drama and heartbreak of finding out those "friends" weren't actually caring about you, but users and abusers. God wants you to follow Him not run around after people in desperation to be liked or have bad friends. He would want the best people in your life, not some random folk who arent actually out for your best interests, and dividing likely would pull you away from Him/the Faith.
And, what if God is trying to prepare you to be the type of friend someone else is praying for?
Also, You could pursue finding friends at church. Nothing in what you shared indicates you're even going to church, nor regularly. That's the family of God, our brethren, from there we should actively be working to form friendships.
In saying "Ive done everything possible" have you? Have you purposely stood up (at start of) Sunday school class and women's / college Bible studies at church, & in fellowship group meet ups & potlolucks stating that "Hi. I'm Jane. I am looking for female Christian friends, and anyone also looking regardless of age, please see me afterwards". ?
Many there might have their friend groups already solidified over years of working towards that. Others moved there and dont have solid friendships there yet, and others are new in the faith also looking. You have to be more proactive and pursue it.
Consider these things. Meditate on Scripture about relationships, and pray about all these things here. Everything is best in God's timing. 😊✨️
Lots of us go through times of isolation and no friends. I played mostly alone at home, growing up out in boonies. I grew up mostly friendless, due to evil actions of step siblings at school, who also brainwashed my very younger half sister. After the step siblings were out of the picture, those same school classmates, (and those a year above and below) still unjustly wanted nothing to do with me, and also bullied me unjustly. But I stood up to them so they never went to extremes. To this day my younger half sister wants nothing to do with me, her loss.
I had 1 friend in 5th grade -and that stopped when my family found out her parents drank beer. She hated me after they forced me to tell her at school that "we cant be friends anymore" and why, and I had no friends after. At junior high when we all were split up to a couple different schools, (due to where we lived and were bussed to new area), many of my classmates followed there where I ended up, and caused problems. Only had 1 friend who was new in that area and lived not too far away that I got to go to her house a couple times, but wasnt at my school. Later a guy who was bullied a bit cuz he was obese was friendly to me and we hung out at lunch a couple times till they bullied him for that and he ghosted me. Pretty much alone for 2 years there, but did near end befriend a girl and guy, (who after I was about 20 found out they faked a relationship cuz he was gay). They let me eat lunch with them and we chatted sometimes. In High school many of those elementary school kids ended up there but cuz there was another split based on where we all lived and where that school was, they were mostly sticking to themselves and many more kids from other areas were there. I didnt really have friends there but a couple kids in classes were nice to me. Then we moved far away mid High School and right away I ended up with the popular kids. But they all had their cliques and sub groups, even juniors and seniors. The seniors I kinda was friends with were only during class, and cuz I was poor had no money to eat off campus at the mini mart nearby, so I only went with them a couple times. Most always had a brown bag lunch from home. They graduated and left my first year there, which was a half year. [One I was closer to and my age group turned out to be the homecoming queen Sr yr. She was beautiful.] The ones my class group also had cliques and sub groups and like the girls did too. I was friendly with everyone, but because of their ethnicities groups and that they already had their close friends from elementary school till then, I was an insider but not invited anywhere nor over. And my parents never let anyone come over anyway [now that I think about it - it's likely cuz who their parents might be, in relation to where my dad worked, and it was a form of caution]. Eventually cuz of driving class I met a 3 or 4 students near end of Junior year and we were kinda buddies like at lunch. But while they were going to a church, it was not like mine [theirs could be labeled a sect or cult today], and we lost touch after graduation. I had made another good friend whom I regularly did hang out with, and became good friends with another girl [whom connected with me on fb in recent yrs]. We played tennis back then and she lived a block from the school, but I lived a mile from school. Later in High school I learned they were cousins, but decades later we found out they were sisters. The one I lost touch with joined the military around same time as me and later turned out gay, then became Trans (while in our 30s). The other sister stopped contact with her. [It creeps me out to this day that the one friend may only have friended me cuz of some lustful ideas she likely had about me.] But also saddened she never went to church with us, there cuz she may have come to know who she is in her identity as God created her to be. And she wouldn't have gone down that destructive path. I think sth happened sa to her in her youth that had her going that direction secretly. She was living with another relative and it's very odd they had no idea they were sisters. Family secrets the parents and adults kept.
All my youth I was basically the only one in my Sunday school class from 2nd grad to Teens when we moved. Those 2 girls who occassionally showed up were nice, but beyond church I never saw them. One was the daughter of grandpa's good friend for decades. Once we moved there were only 2 other girls in my church she group for Sunday School and one was the teachers daughter, and the other a troublemaker who later left church and broke up a marriage. Neither were my high school class age and I never saw them after leaving home, but the teachers daughter was there when I visited church as they played the pianos since back then during worship. She was a couple years younger than me. I moved after that to a farther location, found my coworkers at a eatery weren't my friends, but together schemed to steal my bicycle by prefending to befriend me outside work after a year there, and turned a blind eye when the manager fired me as hostess shortly after so his wife could have a second job. I've had a few friends since then. A few in the military. Sort of one from my neighbor in the barracks. 2 girls in my shared jack and jill barracks adjoining room pretended to be my friends, and a situation happened. Had constant roomates cuz each one got pregnant somewhere and rotated out that bed. So no long term stays. Had a guy who looked out for me at my command, and got me out of my toxic dept into his, and then over to another w 2 kind older adults, senior to me. It was a small base and never made any other "friends". Was in a relationship and moved of base, stareted going to a church, as he drive, but that relationship ended badly cuz of him. Moved to new command overseas and had a bunkmate who stole stuff from me. She moved out after getting pregnant. The one they replaced her with was OK but not a friend, and she stayed there till they announced one room per service member, she moved to the other Jack and Jill connected room, hardly ever saw her there, and a year later (near when I was going to outprocess), she eventually got pregnant and left around the 7th month. During my time there I sorta made some friends on a ship while temp sent there (related to my command), but someone based there stole my jacket out of my locked locker, and an officer stole my cds. No friends at my new base command, only one female was my age snd the was there cuz it was jail or military per civilian court (she told me). Had no interest in befriending her. but I did befriend some folk in other places who happened to live at our multi mil branch barracks. Only 2 ended up being real friends, one friendship lasted 10 years but she lived east coast and me westcoast. And she had a couple kids overseas, unwed. And got into a relationship with a Muslim guy. I think she ended up with a kid. She was Taoist from the Caribbean, but I tried to witness to her when we were living overseas there. She was just a regular westernized person, never brought up any religious stuff, never saw her with a focus on it, so it was likely just a belief all go to Hell. I tried to share some stuff with her but that was as far as it went. Pretty sure after mil I tried a few times, even sent her a tract. The other gal was living upstairs from me, and we hung out sometimes. Not Christian. Had recently wanted me to be her roomate, but I declined cuz my room had an amazing ocean view. I jnew her the least but still a fruend therem Turned out (i had no idea) she was a vodka alcoholic and that her bf there got her doing drugs. She got caught in a bust when I was away at my grandma's funeral stateside. She was allowed to stay in barracks till her transfer to courtmarshall and military prison. I was able to talk with her. But she ended up taking drugs again; the night of incident we were all (with some others), planning in am to go together to a a park's USO event. (Neither of them girls cared for each other btw, but each liked me, a previous bf was a issue between them i guess. It was before I got there). Anyway that am we went to go pick her up and her bf came running down the stairs from his side towards us at the lobby and screaming she was dead. Later after the investigation, we found out it wasnt alcohol related. The illegal Africans there in town who supplied drugs in the area, found out she had admitted and gave details, on them, laced her drugs and murdered her. We had a base wide funeral before that came out, and the situatuon was just unreal to me. Her mom was devastated. I almost ended up going to be one of the ones notifying with the door knock roommate, new roomate, turned out to be the jailbird from at my command, went instead. I only had one photo of her from the girl who lived in-next to me whom she also was friends with [it turned out]. We had just 2 weeks before taken 2 rolls of film of her outside and not 1 picture came back with any of her image. It seemed creepy when I thought about it after getting them back just after her death. After that I lived in 2 towns w my grandma waiting for my finace to get out the military. I met him 6 months before leaving, his ship came in port, and we had a LD situation. We lived on opposite sides of the US coast lines. After being out, when I finished service, I visited him in VA when he was in Port, and we went to a church locally. Lovely people. Several military, so they transfered out a lot. No one friend there but many friendly folk who we were there. Back home, near my childhood town, both grandparents lived, so I lived w one grandma and went to church with my godly grandparents. Mingled and was friendly with a are generation if folk in that church and some older ones I knew from way back when. Then got married moved to another area of the state. Joined a church, was close with the pastors there but mostly was elderly people. The younger couple w kids there befriended our fav pastor as well and since they were same age and had kids too (pastor had older kids but they were back home overseas), and we hung out with them cuz we were in same small fellowship study group, and met at that couples house. I didn't care for the way they behaved and so we didn't get close to them, but still was there for study. We mostly met folk at potluck and got to know folk lightly. But a church split happened and all the godly leadership, pastors and decons resigned, and thst ended that. We followed the pastor we liked to 2 to 3 other places, the 1st one had another church split cuz the bad group there didn't want him hired. So we took others with us to 2 church plant locations and they eventually wanted to grow the group, have a seminary graduate take over and go back to their home in UK. So about 20 yrs ago now, they ended the church plant and went home. Because they did, their now adult sons came to Christ. Prior to the transition I befriended several people in evangelism from local and nearby churches who gather. But they were just more a meet up and go, (and it was around the time of yahoo groups which we further connected there for apologetics, so more like gospel pals). Not irl buddies as most were men. We got settled in a big church nearby, related to all my former pastors. Joined evangelism team and befriended a couple, and sort of a couple others but only interacted outside of church with that one couple. All the others we tried to or started to get close to became pastors or missionaries or moved away for jobs and lost touch. Been pretty much that way since. Even married there's problems, whether a spouse turns out a false convert, &/or neglects you, and your lonely even married. Things in life happen. I can say the married couple I am friends with, are solid ones. We talk about the Faith, living in hiluness, counsel and correct each other, cause each other to think about things, help mature each of us in the Faith, and marriage, in life. We pray for family situations, go evangelize together, go places sometimes like to the hobby store and eat out together on special occasions etc. I had thought I was her best friend, but turned out she has a long time bf from before we met, yet I've never met her😅. They left our church for a couple years to church plant and came back😊 to our church. They almost left too, as others did, as the husband almost became a preacher 😅. When I had heath problems and cancer diagnosis, she as a nurse was helpful too. I am glad to God for them cuz not only are they godly friends here but also in eternity. I had met a couple people here and there at all the jobs I had while living here, but none lasted really. One started kinda well with a receptionist, but even after the company closed, we went to a paralegal seminar together, she had kids and we lost touch as life and jobs go on. Another fizzled at a 2 yr job when after a while, I started sharing gospel tracts and candy at holidays, and had gone to lunch a couple times w the paralegal there (in another dept), and she started asking about lgbt stuff (due to a gay sister?) [In 2001, b4 lgbt topics (around 2008/2013?) in US started], and she didnt like my answer in the discussion. So she stopped being around me. Had sort of a friend at next job. The company owner slept with or sexually harrassed all the females at the company, married or not. But cuz I had mil background and sexual harassment was a new legal buzz word, she told him one morning [while "massaging his shoulders" not to try anything with me]. So that was helpful. We lightly stayed in touch for next 8 yrs off and on, after I left that job. There were no folk I befriended at the next small company for 4 yrs, and at my last company it was all fake folk who threw anyone under the bus left and right at any opportunity, except for the 1 consultant I am still buddies with, who was there near the end of my time at that job. She's from another State and was near retirement. She came back for a job there again about 2 yrs later and we met up. Mostly we call or text occassionally. Another nurse lady (an anylist) sat near me before her, in a diff bldg b4 our dept moved, and shes a local but a progressive "Christian" so we have nothing in common outside of work, but she was and is nice to me. I went to her cookie Christmas gathering once, which included many from our project team from back at my first project there, including gay folk. We touch base at hllidays. Mostly cuz shes a job reference for me. We both worked for a lady who was Christian, who was a consultant too, from out of State also. She told me my manager was Christian too, and both them seemed nice to me for almost 2 yrs, and she tried to help me move to a new career for a bit, and then when I did she left, but had done me dirty a bit. The manager too later on, and do even if someone either claims to be Christian, or is and does you wrong, you cant know they're like that until something happens. I left that place when the position I was training for abruptly ended and the manager was a coward to talk with me, and had left me with HR at a unscheduled meeting, who cut me a check and walk me out. Could've been him, or the new dept Chief who was upset that a yr earlier I declined being poached to work for him cuz a side career opportunity opened up and I wanted to pursue it. Only God knows.
So, all that background to say, there's people whom we are better off not having in our lives, and those who come into our lives who are not long term friends, not long term pals, not even neighbors or folk at work. We spend our life mostly alone on this earth, but God is our Father, Jesus our Friend, likewise the Holy Spirit in us. God is who knows us best and our most important friend and treasure. Our time is best spent With and for Him. And it's an eternal relationship. Getting to know him better through Scripture and life's hard times and good times, is better than anyone else in this fallen world and on whom we cant rely on [humans]. Even family harms or let's us down. Jesus is our best friend, God is indeed.
Focus your single time with him. Learn to be fine with just you and God. Its the most cherishable relationship you'll ever have, in this life and the one to come.
In addition to doing that, these also can help.
*Plus, you have to vett someone to even see if they're really Christian, and worthy of being your friend. That can take time and you have to be able to Discern that and let people go. You cant cling onto them in fear of being alone again. God will bring good ones into your life at the right time, and the right ones will hit all the checkmark. The wrong ones will grow you in sanctification, and cause you to rely on God. So even when you encounter frauds there will be good lessons to learn from it, and you'll be content with whomever passes the test and remains faithful in the long run.
Also these will help you.
God bless
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